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Tag Archives: worry

i have been asked what i want for christmas several times this whole week and my answer keeps to continue to be the same. what i really want can’t be bought. i don’t need anything because i have everything. this year i am not going to want anything. there are a few things i would like but for someone to get me them would probably break the bank, i don’t want that to happen, so i will wait till i can gather enough money to buy them on my own. something as small as a keychain would suffice for me. today was way better then yesterday, my parents had to go out of town again to see my uncle and drop stuff off. it kept me worried for the moment until i received a text saying everything went well and were safely on their way back home. once they did arrive i was happy again. i just stayed in watching weeds with my older brother and had my coffee in the afternoon because i didn’t have it in the morning. i am sleepy for some reason already and it is early. hope all have a safe night. good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

 

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time to wrap it up now, i cut myself off cold turkey from the social world to get things done, it did help, today everything is riding on getting my project turned in tomorrow. i am just hoping for a good grade, above all i have never withdrawn from a class and i wonder if staying was a good thing, the only thing that worries me is getting everything turned in. had way better days then today, something was off today, not sure what it was but i am certain something was off. time to sleep. i will get back to the social world tomorrow. i do miss it but i had to get things done and needed to take drastic measures if not i would have not been able to stay focused. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

O_o

today was…well, a pushy day, i had to push through everything to stay on task; like turn off my computer and put phone away. hide myself from the world for a few hours to get notes read and readings done for my test tomorrow. my brain is a little worn out right now and my body feels it. i feel drained. it amazes me that the readings are right. couldn’t believe it but now i do. think i will keep reading them. the study group went alright, i really wish there were more coffee shops that were open everyday, twenty four seven. make me miss bennu. on top of worrying about the test i had a big scare with tumbler, he was being lazy and was lethargic all day, he wasn’t eating and wouldn’t get up and i though he might be getting parvo again, but no vomiting this time. thank god. my dad-like qualities came out, i tried everything to get him better. i am glad to report that he is doing better and my worry is gone from him now and shifted back to my test. hope everyone had a good sunday, i tried too. the week is over and now time to start a new week. it will be a very busy week for me, i will be up and down the city.still have lots to do. i wish everyone a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today was just another crazy day in the life i own, it started off by me looking into a dream diary on a dream i had, seemed good. it felt like a good day or so i thought. i was told that a certain document would rise after today and was in a hurry trying to locate an old document, turned my car and house upside-down looking for it. i took several hours and couldn’t find it that i called my mom and asked her, she rummaged through my stuff at her house and nothing. she told me to go get a new one, got ready as fast as possible and bolted out. well i couldn’t locate the place and in the midst of it, made a accidental call. finally got a hold of my mom to see if i could get help locating where i needed to go. eureka i had found it twenty minutes later. (you already know this but had to let you know i was okay, didn’t want you to think something could be wrong and make you worry or wonder why.) while waiting i finally get called up to the front, they just let me know that i couldn’t get what i was looking for and was sent to the main building downtown. i wanted to avoid traffic at all cost to make time because it was already  getting near the deadline. made it downtown and again took a wild guess where this place was since i used a loop hole to avoid paying internet on my phone because i never really used it, but today of all days; i needed it! parked. ran up inside and there was a two hour wait, you think a fuck my life moment right, wrong it got worse. got my document and rushed home to get the paperwork, etc. and headed to a place to get my documents. it turns out where we were going was through the other door where i had just gotten done getting my old-new-document, again another fuck my life moment, but even then it gets worse. made it there and almost did a tuck and roll, ran up to the back of the line and asked if this was the line to get it, was told yeah! then a lady came out and asked if i was signed in, told her no and she decides to drop the *BOMB* on me and said five o’clock was the cut-off point and i was four minutes late! that was more embarrassing then anything, mind you there were about a fifty people listening. walked away as fast i could and drove home. was having some mixed feelings about it all. then when we got home my aunt and mom and uncle start talking and everything they were saying was making me wonder if it was even worth buying anymore, if he isn’t going to listen then what’s the point! i’m going to try again tomorrow and see how it goes from there. after all that turmoil we get a call by our cousins who we rarely talk too needing my dads help, we go and visit them and after some later inspection and being on the roof, it looks like i will be headed back to work earlier then expected with my dad and we start tomorrow. in conclusion that was my crazy adventure for the day. how was your adventure? or your day go?

to rethinking O_o

to sleep or not to sleep? that is the question, i now understand a bit more of my math work and all i had to do was ask questions after class, i have always felt embarrassed to ask, for one it was something so simple that i could probably have easily spent some time and browse through the book to find it and second because i have always felt that asking questions and getting help means i am incompetent and unable to get understand thoroughly. but today, for the first time in forever, i put my pride aside and stayed after class to ask the professor some questions because i needed help and that help would come in handy for tomorrows test. even with doing homework and notes it is still a bit difficult to understand so many formulas and steps that need to be followed before coming up with the simple answer. while i was running in the park trying to clear my brain of all the work i have been putting into my school work i felt that i needed to turn my attention my pain away from my bran and distract it for the time being before diving right in again. i still need a bit more help, if there is anyone out there that would like to scratch off a good deed of their list, i would really like some help! i saw this today and couldn’t help but write it down. “i am the master of my fate & i am the captain of my soul.” – Nelson Mandela (from the movie Invictus) was a great inspirational quote and was a great movie. i would like to one day say something that would be inspirational and would be used by others after i am gone. in conclusion i think i want to stay up and study like i have never studied before to get an “A” on my test tomorrow, should i or should i get rest and try my best?!

knowledge is power O_o

money is just an inanimate object to me, everyone always assumes that I need to worry about money, when in fact, I can honestly say I could care less, I spend it idiotically anyways. buying things I shouldn’t. yeah I know money doesn’t grow on trees and what not but even with all the money in the world, it absolutely can not buy you love or happiness. some may think so. but when growing up from nothing to having something, that is what makes a person, not by what they own, drive, live, wear, etc. the only thing money is used for is to buy things we want but not need, while I was out, there where things I saw that I would have liked to have, but what would have been the point of buying it, I had no where to put, hold, show, wear, smell it. I am very very grateful for what I have now, I am not one to brag or boast, because that is a sin. judge all you want, but I will say this, you wish you could have what I do, it makes me a bigger and better person to accept what I have or even had that I don’t need to change because it wouldn’t help me out. all you need to survive is food, clothes, water, shelter and a washroom. I don’t need fancy things to get ahead. I just need my brain.

ranting O_o

spending the second day continuing to help out as much as possible, listening to country music; everyone always says “everything happens for a reason.” it couldn’t not be loud and clear today. figuring out what I want was even more clearer!! a job is anytime between 7 days a week with an hourly wage and a career is a 5 days a week (Monday – Friday) with salary pay. I know am getting closer to what I WANT. many country songs I heard today seemed to apply to me in every which way. SCARY!!! but it was a meant to be kind of thing. on the flip side I encountered a few slightly REAL SCARY moments, like heat exhaustion, almost nailing my foot with the nail gun & alost falling off the roof. My dad has done this for 30+ years and me just for a few days, but that is not my career, I think I am meant to help my dad/others but in a better way that uses my educational standings.

to a better path O_o