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Tag Archives: weight

i just got out of the shower with a refreshed feeling. i feel as is i have washed away a few weights of my shoulders and feel that what i wrote early had been picking at my finger tips to get out. i have normally stayed quiet about a lot of things, i think it is time for a change. it is time for me to be outspoken. getting tired of never having a voice or being heard. this ends now. i hope everyone had a good day but it is time for me to get some rest and hit the books again tomorrow. be safe. have a good night and sleep well with sweet dreams.

O_o

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I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

today was just day three of what i am thinking anywhere from five to six day week to cram everything in one. was up early in the morning, got me some vegetarian dishes from the local hot spot. there was still more waiting in another office waiting room. because of that, i will have a more crazy day tomorrow before the weekend when it is time to sleep in, rest and hibernate from the world and maybe even be lazy and not do anything. but like it’s been said, ‘if you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you have to wake up and pay attention.’ i will have to do just that! after i waited and didn’t get what i needed, i went to grab me a late lunch. it was probably bad that i did but i did it anyway, not realizing the consequences until later today. i arrived back home and took off to the gym, with the lost weight i am feeling better inside and going to give the gym another try, with a little help from my handy dandy ipod. also with a change in my diet and continued exercise i can possibly get down to my ideal weight. a before and after kind of reveal to the world, if you will. so far everything is good but my shoulder are a bit sore and will just need to sleep off my soreness for another long day of many things to do tomorrow. it is time to get ready for bed and we will see you tomorrow.

reawakening O_o

some holiday this has been, a crappy one, i lay here writing this listen to music loudly because no one is here to tell me to turn it down. it started off with my parents arriving way early in the morning and deciding to leave when the sunrise would appear. they were telling me what they were going to do but was barely paying attention, i was halfway dreaming and half way awake. then *poof* they were gone. when i awoke i thought it was a lucid dream, it felt super real. well in reality it was. woke up to a dark and cold lonely deserted house with my dog sleeping near me, he looked so peaceful; dreaming of bones and swimming, that i tried to get up quietly and tried not to wake him. he senses me when i wake up all the time, as if we have a connected energy field that are simultaneously in sync with each other, he stretches then i stretch or vise versa. this is a trait or gift that i have with all living things. after that i get up and start on my homework.

after some time working the little guy says *rawr* and decide to make some brunch. decided to make something quick and made some tacos and gave him his portion of food for his brunch with a side dish of water. then went back to work.  a few hours later it was dinner time, didn’t have much to prep since i wasn’t feeding an army this time around but just for one and his dog. all i could find in the fridge was red meat and red meat products and discovered a hidden package that was successfully chicken, threw that together and prepped his next portion for dinner and his ice cold water. during that i open my computer and threw it on netflix, we began watching old school videos that popped up on the instant watch list. while watching that he decided to join me on the couch and lay across my legs to watch the movie. that movie brought back a lot of childhood memories.

on of the things on the movie towards the end was very intriguing to me, it was said that “things happen in your life that you can’t stop but it’s no reason to shut out the world” – crazy pete sims, which i now find to be very true, i have shut out a lot of people in my life in the past but after a certain incident i changed who i was and changed into the person i am and all know today. i learned to never hold grudges, to be considerate, also that the world doesn’t revolve around me and lots more. i have accepted a lot of imperfections i carry on my shoulders but pick up more weight each time i accept any, a repeating cycle that i think will never stop. i think! with each passing day i see what i see and do what i do to make the attempt to be on top, the struggle and mountain is there, but i know one day i can conquer it. as well as other mountain climbing expeditions that may come in my path of stepping. in conclusion i was just reminiscing and am wondering what will happen when the drive is complete? i don’t know and wonder if i should be afraid?!

to the now O_o

I said what I needed to say. it feels like a huge pressure is off my back now. I am feeling better knowing what I know now. I couldn’t fight the feeling, I just knew I had too. everyone will disagree with what I am about to do, I am standing up and listening to me now. I laid the monkey down to rest off my shoulders. it feels right. I am me, I will not be the person everyone wants me to be because y’all feel that is what is best for me. I know what is best for me. live with it folks! it is my turn to shine. =O)

knowing O_o