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is falling back to sleep twice after waking up considered sleep deprivation? I recently wasn’t able to sleep because was scared to dream. I was lost for a bit and at the botom of a mountain but am now finding a path up the mountain. thinkers say “everything happens for a reason” as true as it may be, every song playing on shuffle right now keeps talking about the same thing, Why? & When?& Change? and other things that irrelevant to this, but the two times today and yesterday I had two instances; 4 in total, where I awoke and fell back asleep due to a crazy and unsatisfying portion of my dream that made no sense what so ever. I did some research on a happy portion of the dream but refused to look at the bad side of it, did that mean that my optimistic look of thing weighed in factor, that I only choose to see the good. is this even a healthy way to look at things? I can see the beauty in a lot of things, but not this time so I awake from my slumber and wonder, what does it mean? is it good or bad? in that process fall back asleep and awake with someone or something finally waking me up because it is late in the day. I know physically everything feels okay with me but medically I am not so sure, people say I should get a little help and/or talk to someone, but every time I make the attempt too, I get judged, shot down, ridiculed, laughed at, say I am many things I am not. what is up with that? I have learned that WE ALL need someone in our life to help us grow, learn, live, laugh or love but too what extreme? with ending I know we can not see what is ahead in the future but seems as if “it always rains hardest on those who deserve the most sun.” – Jill Conner

waking up O_o


woke up today knowing a little about myself and started to do some things that made me step into another pair of shoes that rarely happens. I know we can be a bit of a handfull sometimes but we don’t do it on purpose. since we were not taught, we have never been in this situation before. my out looks on life are simple, they give me a challenge. it’s not that I am selfish but it sometimes seems to me when I look at the big picture that the world has to revolve around me. when in reality it doesn’t. i see now what you go through on a good long time basis to realize today how much I appreciate everything you have done for all of us. I think everyday as I grow and grow I am learning what you mean you mean by “you have been there done that.” I know we are not all perfect, but there are things you don’t know, not because we choose not to tell you; I think it is because you will not see us the same way as what you know today. I am sorry for you having to lose the thing that matters most to us. but it is not the end and we can still be taught new things and better things to show we listen and care what you have to say. “everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not then end.” I learned a lot today. Thank You and have a safe trip back because I am not sure what were to happen if something unpleasant happens.

to maturing and growing O_o

I passed by a wrecked earlier and thought to my self; ” what was the cause of the accident?” and from a distant it looks like the subject was explaining something to the officer on site but as we drove closer and closer the subject was actually screaminge at the officer. Looked like a case of the bad Mondays, why can we all just get along?! must road-rage be an end to all man-kind well??


growing up is a hard thing to do, why can’t we choose what we want to do on our own? why is it that everyone has to give an opinion or throw in their input to what we want to do?? recently have come to the discovery that i am growing up, life around us is evolving. every step is a learning process, can we better ourselves with time, i believe so. does doing something that someone makes you a good person or does something that you enjoy doing make you better and stronger person and with room to grow.

would changing a profession hurt you after many years of concentrating on another?

looking into another profession is hard, but i want to do the things i would enjoy doing instead of doing something because i have too.

“Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?! What good is it to live to be 100 but you didn’t do anything & you played it safe or lived to be 100 but did the things you loved!”

in all reality i have always thought of becoming a dentist, it came up on several job searches i took, but i followed what others wanted me to do because it was easy to do and was a easy way out. I am getting tired the bickering and nagging that i’m not doing what i am suppose to be doing. I am 1 person with 2 hands and can only do so much for myself. seeing this extra push and drive that 1 person is being given, it returned ten-fold. i am not a kid anymore, the choices we make now effect the future to be, times are changing, if you don’t grasp the change life will slip through your fingers.

“TODAY is a gift; that’s why they call it the PRESENT”

mistakes are made; we are human and there is room for error. whether you learn from it thats is up to the individual who made a wrong because “messing up is what makes a person. it’s how we learn, where we find joy and the things you don’t plan for are things you never see coming”.


after watching this, i have come to the realization or had an epiphany if you will, to show that the saying that everyone who is older and wiser says, is beging to set in & set in big time to my thought process, we have all have heard it, “I’m not getting any younger” which I find a whole lot different meaning to these past couple of hours. which is something to be greatful for, no one can really tell you how to live your life, but if that person is giving you advice, it’s because they care about you. listen but do not act until you have thought it completely through because “I RUN ME” and only me, giving advice is a hard thing to do, but if advice is given and you can see it setting in or that person thinking about, then you have done all you can do. if that other person ask for help, don’t just jump to a conclusion and give them an answer to what they want to hear. ask what there thoughts are first to see if it is the same or different then what advice may be coming out of your mouth. but this; after reciting outloud can be what they need, just to here there own thoughts out loud and then for the person to come up with there own decission because if someone thinks something through, it can effect everyone arround them and may not know it.
for the reasons that WE all deserve happiness in our lives, whether it be small or big, “we all deserve it.” every day brings us a life lesson; have you learned yours today?! evreything around us
can be used as inspiration to better ourselfs or even solve a problem. something as simple as one word or a phrase or a quotaion can help us better understand “us, me, I, ourself, etc.”
is change what we are looking for or are we always trying to find someway to adapt to what “society, social media, etc” chooses for us to think?!
none of us are perfect! we all have our own flaws, can we recognize them
or do we get so self involved on what others have to say or think?! with this being said; “to the eye of the beholder” is something I like to say to myself; I see perfection in the little picture that make the big picture. because not everyone can be what society now-a-days has us wanting to be by telling us what to wear, what to smell like, etc. health can be a huge factor in the kind of people we are. most people “want what they can’t have,” this is when jealousy, anger, bitterness, etc. comes in to factor; it’s not a pretty picture at all, if it makes you feel as is YOU think your better then that person who has what you want, then why is it that you don’t have what someone else may have. don’t try to lure your way in and mess something up because fate wasn’t on your side this time and now your miserable because of it.
everyone makes mistakes; we are all human; but there is only two things you can do, you can not alter it, refine it to your liking, etc. “you either learn from it or you run from it” there is always room for change. will you accept it or deny it?! Do you deserve this as much as the next person?!


Here is a list of Top 10 Country songs that I have deliberated for 3 hours.

  1. Meyberry – Rascal Flatts
  2. Amazed – Lonestar
  3. Winner At A Losing Game – Rascal Flatts
  4. Stay With Me (Brass Bed) – Josh Gracin
  5. Live Like You Were Dying – Tim McGraw
  6. She’s My Kind of Rain – Tim McGraw
  7. Carrying You Love – George Strait
  8. Nothin’ To Lose – Josh Gracin
  9. Mud On The Tires – Brad Paiseley
  10. Boot Scootin’ Boogie – Brooks & Dunn

After much deliberation, thats my Top 10 list.


I was driving and was coming up to the light at hilderbran and blanco (where my aunt lives near by) and a old guy with glasses and a long with beard was in front of me and asked if i could take him somewhere and the light turned green, I punched the gas but was going very slowly, look in the side mirror to see him trying to get in the back seat of my car and not saying anything, tried to shake the car to knock him off but no go he got inside and I slowed down and asked him to get out of my car 3 times. then I woke up to a racing heart.

what the hell does this mean?