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Tag Archives: vent

continuing from my other post. the more my parents talk about what happened the more angrier i got with my family. well actually i am more disgusted with them. i can’t stand when people segregate or discriminate for what ever reason. i know i have said it when i was younger and never knew the connotation behind it until one day i was threatened with my life and it is when i asked the principal what it meant. she explained to me what it was and ever since then had learned my lesson.

on a side note i am just glad that my parents and rest of the family is home safely. i had completed everything i needed to do while my parents were away and what they asked me to do too. i was a little inspired and started on a new project that will debut soon. i hope all had a good day, it is late and going to fall asleep soon. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

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dear whomever it may concern,

my christmas wasn’t so great. but i am not going to complain, even though i received nothing i am still slightly grateful i was able to spend it with my family. my little brother wasn’t able to come home, now i know what he felt like when i or my older brother was not able to visit. i do understand times are tough, people got to work and stuff has to get done. i know i shouldn’t brag about how great this day is and i won’t because what would have made it complete would be my little brother show up. i was able to spend time with tumbler too, this has been one of the greatest day for tumbler though, he was spoiled with care, food, shelter and playtime. we are now getting ready to go to sleep and he is laying down at feet keeping them warm. i hope all go what they asked santa for. i know i did because i asked for nothing but to spend time with my family and dog. i hope friends received what i sent out to them in time. it is time to say my goodbyes and wake up fo another day closer to a new year. if you didn’t know i love you. i don’t know how to say it any better. i hope all had a great christmas and to all good night and sweet dreams.

thank you,

orlandot

O_o

well, what a day! woke up early to find that it was pouring rain outside. epic failure. had so much planned and because of the rain it slimmed down my chances of getting things done, in a sense that me driving was highly doubtful because from what i read it said something like this would happen. class was very cold, even with my jacket and no air conditioner on, my body felt as if i was slammed around in a car after being hit by a truck and not to mention i was soaked from walking in the rain. my quiz i was studying for went well, i think i missed one question, i couldn’t remember a political name that was given during class and on my notes for one of the question. even with all that studying the simplest thing could be forgotten really easily. hope it doesn’t happen on my next quiz coming up in two week and even on my test. spent the day with the radio (npr) on and listening to the storm pass by while studying and reading my book, what a way to relax and let some inner stuff drain away. the only thing i was missing were a few things…were too far to reach for. what can one do?! i can’t seem to  shake off these feelings i have been having, i feel sore and tired. i think the yoga class from yesterday did a toll on me, it had been a while since going to a class or just exercising at home. also have found some new music with the radio. i know few people like my work but some people believe i am just playing around with it to see what fits; in no way do i play around with music, i have made a few samples but that was just testing out my skills. i really listen to everything and place the music at my fingertips and ears because without them; i don’t think i could call myself a dj. some laugh that i am, most ridicule and it doesn’t bother me. laugh it up. we all wan’t our fifteen minutes of fame and most don’t have the same minutes as others. i will continue to “create something out of nothing!” today will be calling it an way early night, got a busy morning and will need the rest. hope all have a safe and good night. sweet dreams.

O_o

today was suppose to be a day of working, what it turned out to be was a downer or bummer. my morning wasn’t so great, woke up at six thirty because of the pain killers wearing off; my foot was in a slight bit more of pain. my mom couldn’t see me suffer anymore and she decided we would head down to see the chiropractor but he wasn’t available due to family issues. then we went to see if my cousin knew anybody and had no luck there. as the day went on i rested on the couch, i knew what would be coming tomorrow and needed all the rest i could take. the pain i am in i can control, one wrong move and i pull the muscle and hurt myself, my parents are afraid if i don’t get this fixed now that it could come back later when i am older and haunt me and might possibly be worse. as if that wasn’t enough; i got an email reminder to pay my classes. if i didn’t i would lose them. well because i got a non passing grade during summer the school decided to deny my chance at getting aid. my tuition jumped to a whopping eight hundred dollars minus books. i had to drop out of a class in order to make a slight payment to even keep my classes. i am very bummed about that, but this isn’t getting me down that easily. i am a fighter and have always been. i want to rant out but what would be the point, it is my fault i could have gotten a better grade, formulas and steps are more difficult to follow sometimes for me. if i made this mistake it is time for me to take responsibility for my actions and put blame on me instead of the world. i do put myself down sometimes but i have to in order for me to learn not to do it again. i believe in myself as well as other see expectations in me too. i glad some people do believe. now it is my turn to appreciate everybody for that and show them there encouragement meant the world to me. i am very sorry if i have let anyone down, my time is now! i am seeing to much i don’t want to see. that is enough of my day, how was yours?

being responsible O_o

this is what was thrown at me today and couldn’t be more true. “Your attention is likely to be focused on financial matters and trying to make a better life for yourself, but you may be involved in a clash of ideals as to what constitutes a ‘better life.’ You need to be sure not to pick bits of this and bits of that from different causes to try to support your position; trust in your integrity and your intuition, and that way you’ll find your own words and stand for your own ideals.” I do hate to say it but they are right, I feel some days that I am under-appreciated for all that I do and get no acknowledgement for what I do, a simple thank you would be in order. but NO! I always get the shaft on everything I do. I ask for one little favor when more then a few have been requested and what I get is a complain or a non-follow through putting the blame on someone or something else. I know that the guilt will kick in and it will over power the emotions. if the favor would have been taken care of like asked and not altered because you HAD to be somewhere and can’t take into consideration that I cleared my schedule to go get your things. I have never asked for any favors, but when I do I get no end result. who does that?! i don’t want to be an asshole brother and say no and make you do it but have a little consideration for the future. that’s all I ask. in conclusion it looks like I will have to make my life more difficult and take matters into my own two hands, I hate too but that is what it is pushing towards.

truth hurts O_o

i guess something so small can not be depended on, someone ask and i follow through, why can it never be the other way, always has to be an excuse! blaming it on the weather, please, i driven in worse and i just finished driving through hell and back, took me 4 hours just one way, don’t know why this task has to be so difficult. i do everything, but looks like i can’t depend on anyone anymore to do anything for me and must do it all myself. guess i will have to start getting used too. i am not doing anymore favors. i don’t get anything but the shaft end of the stick. i am mad now but will get over it later. putting my troubles off to the side to concentrate on the real task at hand.

to needing to venting O_o

today like many other past days I read my horoscope, it said “you need to do whatever it takes to avoid arguments with the family or in the home.” which i so tried to, people just do not listen, one in particular. I came home from school to emptiness besides my best friend, T. he knows what is up. he listens. he is my protector. he never talks back and we kick it and play when we feel like it. I had to go back to school to pick up some valuable information for later classes, I was hoping that at least one of two of my books had arrived when I would return but I returned to a nat. the kind of nat that buzzes around your ear and keps going and going and going, etc. it wasn’t that I wanted to be lazy but I kind of did, I just wanted some piece and quiet for as much as I could get. but NO!!! the nat came along, I was not interested in running errands that are right up the road, when the nat could take care of their own stuff. i am tired of being a messenger and errand boy that I will now refuse to do things that will take me away from my studies. I am TRYING to bust my tail to get ahead. I’m TRYING!!!!! i’m not the fu*king genie where it’s like *POOF* what do you need? *POOF* what do you need?*POOF* what do you need? we all need our space, I am not cranky, I slept well; early too. but this stops NOW!!!! you want something you go get it. for one; your taking me away from studying so you can kick back and relax, second you have money, a truck and a foot, mouth and hands to get what you want. no more favors for now. I have stuff I need to take care of as first priority. I wont go get it now, later, tonight, tomorrow, day after…

to maybe having an off day O_o

is falling back to sleep twice after waking up considered sleep deprivation? I recently wasn’t able to sleep because was scared to dream. I was lost for a bit and at the botom of a mountain but am now finding a path up the mountain. thinkers say “everything happens for a reason” as true as it may be, every song playing on shuffle right now keeps talking about the same thing, Why? & When?& Change? and other things that irrelevant to this, but the two times today and yesterday I had two instances; 4 in total, where I awoke and fell back asleep due to a crazy and unsatisfying portion of my dream that made no sense what so ever. I did some research on a happy portion of the dream but refused to look at the bad side of it, did that mean that my optimistic look of thing weighed in factor, that I only choose to see the good. is this even a healthy way to look at things? I can see the beauty in a lot of things, but not this time so I awake from my slumber and wonder, what does it mean? is it good or bad? in that process fall back asleep and awake with someone or something finally waking me up because it is late in the day. I know physically everything feels okay with me but medically I am not so sure, people say I should get a little help and/or talk to someone, but every time I make the attempt too, I get judged, shot down, ridiculed, laughed at, say I am many things I am not. what is up with that? I have learned that WE ALL need someone in our life to help us grow, learn, live, laugh or love but too what extreme? with ending I know we can not see what is ahead in the future but seems as if “it always rains hardest on those who deserve the most sun.” – Jill Conner

waking up O_o

why must you tend to open up and give family advice when we know better and your mentality is clouded because of how much alcohol is in your system? if you say to do all these things and you try to make your kid look high and mighty, I am glad you think that but we are older and wiser, he still has A LOT to learn, yes life is short but one thing for sure is you can not rush someone into something or to take advantage of something because you used to be that way. I know who is first in my life, there is no reason for you to tell me who I should or shouldn’t put first in my life. you don’t talk to us like you used to because YOU now have a family and see how hard it is. in the other case you said your going to do something about a problem, well “If you’re complaining it means you don’t really want to change, because if you did, you’d shut up & do it already! – TDL” just do it because you want to and show your sons/daughters that there is a better life out there; no matter how you grew up or where you grew up. get off my back and get off your ass and CHANGE if you want what is better for you and your family but do it for YOU and no one else. one thing I was shown was how to BE, that can never be taken away from me, but for sure can be taught by others and there is something out there for each of us. it beautiful and precious, it is not something you can pick up and throw it away and keep picking it up. I have what I have because of ME not because I am told to have something I should not. I hope your kids grow up and realize this, because everything is taught from the home and then to the “roads.” time to grow the _ _ _ _ up, you only have one life, life is to short to try to beat others because you think they are better then you. get where your going but the right way.

to not being that O_o

I am sorry I am like your other grand kids.

I am sorry for not liking to visit.

I am sorry I show respect.

I am sorry for thing(s).

we turned out okay, we can not drop everything to see you when you do things unexpectedly, our family has good things because we bust our ass to get them. we are not in that game nor will we be to get ahead like some of them think, we can not visit because of situations going on around the area where we would visit you. you/everyone can pass all the judgement they want, your attempt to guilt us in what we can’t do is not a good thing and separates us farther away. it is not the we don’t want to, but we do not like to be involved with family gatherings because of what is hidden by others. yes we can pass a good time, but things are awkward between the family because we know too much. we do not have a perfect family, because NO one has one. everyone else I know likes their G but why can’t you make the effort to accept what you think about us. if I was given the chance to meet my other G but god bless her soul she was taken away before I was even thought of coming to be & I would have like too. I am not saying 12 of the 13 are screw ups but they do things that our family sees as disrespect and should be frowned upon. I am sorry for you loss, I know we couldn’t do more, I never got around to getting a passport like I was asked to because I did not live here & I didn’t want to show up and shed fake caring water when we both know I or my blood(s) felt the same way. sorry for that. we have grown into respectable men that our family has shown us to be and seems like you frown upon us. I know you can not forget about because we are family but respect needs to be given to get earned. take it as you may, we will never stop being judge.

sorry O_o

work was good, took a little longer then expected. I was trying to cool down when all of a sudden IT start, not sure if it was meant to on purpose or accident but it started. I am super tired of this, you really need to quick you shit, it stupid and childish & how the FUCK am I suppose to get you something when I your locked up in your room in the back. really?! c’mon. the only way to get away is [THIS]. not sure why this annoys me so much, but your a grown fucking man. it may be time to start acting like one. has it ever occurred that not everyone is wanting to play . being home should be time to relax. key word: RELAX. ugh! you cant even let me watch ONE hour of tv, two of three tv’s are showing the same thing. sometimes you can be annoying and I dont know where everyone is 24/7, WTF do I look like, a GPS or something. >O\

annoyed O_o