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Tag Archives: true

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

O_o

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what an awakening dream, how true can it be? most dreams are brought on by waking life. but i couldn’t distinguish if it was a dream or a premonition; it was very real. i could touch, feel and smell. i didn’t quite understand what was happening i the background but once you know something you can’t un-know it and as far as the other dream. it was awesome, every moment of it. i really hope that one does come true.

O_o

 

while on my second run i began think, am i doing the right thing? even though this internship is easy i am feeling it is wrong all at the same time. yes it is an internship but on the other hand it has nothing to do with my profession. i thought it to be at first. but now i’m not so sure. i been told not to waste time because it will be difficult to catch up. as true as it may be that and among other things have been racing through one half of my brain and as far as the other half it is on this huge quiz i have been dreading. even if i could stop time i think it is way too much information for a quiz but i was able to attend a online study session that helped some. i do hope i don’t forget any small details that i really need to know. as far as today did what and maybe more then i needed too but can’t worry about that too much, need all my focus on school for the next ten hours. i hope all had a great day, it is time for me to sign off and sleep. have a wonderful night and sweet dreams.

con mucho carino O_o

i think i finally figured it out! i know what was said and i do believe it did have something to do with me. iam sure i did do something that i just realized from looking back these past few week(s). how stupid could i have been to do what i did and dian’t even realize i was subconsciously doing it. i know you were apologizing but to be honest i feel that i know now, i should be the one apologizing to you. everything i have written and told you was the truth. but again i hate myself now more then ever for doing what i did. if you are reading this it is because i think i was trying to show my parents that you were the right person for me. as we went on i kept getting scared to tell you how i truly felt about you, because of what you told me the first couple of weeks of being together. i thought i would wait for just the right and perfect moment to tell you. like i said i was super scared and i took a leap and you have been the only one to accept me for who i really am and my flaws (i hope.) and you have been the only one who has made me feel things i never knew existed and felt as if i was flying. the only thing i can say is i am very sorry. i didn’t understand then and it feels like i am understanding little by little now. i do hope that you can accept my apology and as you may know i have been very considerate of your feelings, i have tried to stay away from my computer to not post something that could ruin a friendship that i want to have with you. i still do care very much about you, just know i may not show it but i feel it. just in case you were wondering i got the internship, it is not at the place where i really wanted but they accepted me, i have been doing okay, nothing special besides the internship but just trying to get better. i hope you can understand. thanks for taking the time to read this; if you do.

sorry O_o

today had to have been one of my most discovered days yet. was up early and while up and having breakfast before school i could only fill a cup of the last of the orange juice and had a full bottle of apple juice and decided to mix them together; i am sure everyone has seen orange juice and pineapple mixed together and other flavors mixed with orange juice, my discovery of orange juice and apple was awesome. =}}

while in class; we were finishing up our introduction portion of the syllabus day(s) i discovered there are three students named orlando, it was kind of exciting to know that there are others out there with my same first name because i have actually met a person back in high school that had my name as their last name. and also was the only criminal justice major in the class, i was expecting a lot more but i was wrong. there was people in the nursing, biology, chemistry, kinesiology, etc. field that i was surprised about how diverse of a class we were and of course our class ended and school went on.

on my home after school, i had to stop to put gas when i discovered a older man smoking a cigar while he was pumping gas, need i say it? i will. what a moron! after that i went to the store to get me some lunch and groceries  to make dinner later tonight. while paying i over read something that said “lips lie. eyes don’t.” which i find to believe to be true. i haver never thought about that until now and makes very much sense to me.

arrived back home and rested a bit to try to get my homework and reading done before continuing on my day. i was able to complete what i needed too and went to discover soreness from the gym. it had only been two days since i hadn’t gone and already my muscle memory was tightening and stiffening up my joints. was done with workout and headed home.

after cleaning up and resting for a bit, i found out my mom had already made dinner and i had to put my new discovery of a new recipe to make mac’n’cheese away for tomorrow for lunch or dinner or maybe both. since my friend had discovered out that i had never seen the exorcist he insisted i see it. i just finished it several minutes ago, it was cheesy but it wasn’t as bad as i expected it to be. but i had discovered many many many years ago ‘pet cemetery’ and ‘it’ were scary.

i think today was a day discovery, i learned a lot just from one day. let’s see what discoveries are in store for us tomorrow. hope everyone had a great day today. have a good night folks, this is e signing off from another adventurous day.

O_o

the more and more i try to see it, it only gets wider. i kept telling myself; wake up! wake up! wake up! but it was as if my body couldn’t move, i could feel everything but nothing. what i saw was something and what the other person was looking at was behind me. i felt a sharp pain coming from my lower back, it was intense but i couldn’t move, turn, run or even speak. in a strange way, it is true what they say about dreams and what i have seen, read and learned. they are fascinating and interesting to me; well to everyone really! even when i don’t know the meaning behind them. looking back at other remembered dreams i have had, i am taking them apart piece by piece and slowly analyzing them from what i have learned and the the findings are astonishing. even statistic wise too. to say the least i am stumped on what even to say. with an educated guess; i think no one really does know what is going on in ones head but oneself. why we see the thing we see or imagine is beyond me but scientist are possibly soon to discover it, if i don’t first (about myself of course). bwahahahaha. with all this i have possibly been presented with an opportunity some may discover one day. wow!

dreaming O_o

is all that we see true? based on science it has been said that we perceive what we see is based off light reflected of an object into our optic nerve and the transmitted into the brain. i have been wondering this since today is the very first time in a while that i have actually sat down and watch television. i saw a few show with my parents and have been watching some episodes on paranormal occurrences. very creepy. lol took a break from the tv and sat outside with tumbler, stayed out there for a bit and was staring at the stars. i was staring at one in particular, it was quite amazing, as i stared it could have been my imagination or not but is was changing colors, kind of like a prism. that in a way was a high point of my day. crazy how something so far away can burn so bright. stars amaze me. 🙂

bright stars O_o

“earth, air, fire and water are the four elements of life, each one can stand on it’s own and can also help one another or hurt one another, they are each a different state but all connected as one.” i just had an epiphany while being outside trying to help, i look up and reminded me of what we talked about, it came to mind old friend, buddy, ol’ pal, i can see and do things that may cloud your judgement but the things you say are not meant to knock me down but you don’t see it that way, when you speak you may find truth in the words by the way you perceive it. i on the other hand don’t see it that way, but we all need a little help sometimes looking at things from another point of view. whether what you think is right and wrong for you, is just that, it is for YOU and not me.

if you feel the things you say may hurt me, think again, nothing can bring me down, back then maybe, i used to be a push over, back then, now not so much but every now and then i do see a little of me falling into that state. we have been through and seen a lot. when i see you i can see past all the mess and can see the truth. we are one in the same; like a yin yang; you know my strengths and my weaknesses just i can read yours. things got a little sour during the conversation but we came to an understanding, what you want in life is totally up to you and your destiny to follow, not mine, and vise versa. i look at the big picture in everything and correct me if i am wrong but i think you just see what you want to see.

as i was standing outside trying to help i went into a different state of mind that i haven’t ever been, everything was so clear, like it just went *poof* but when i was interrupted it all went away. whether it is because of something, i can achieve greatness. you just have to let me, as i am about to let you. what ever may come of my new ideals, i don’t really know. i hope for the best for me as i do for all.

in conclusion, i don’t know how this will get to you but i am sending to you. how you take it is up to you. what you do with it is up to you. but as far as for me; here i go!

e.a.f.w.l. O_o

some holiday this has been, a crappy one, i lay here writing this listen to music loudly because no one is here to tell me to turn it down. it started off with my parents arriving way early in the morning and deciding to leave when the sunrise would appear. they were telling me what they were going to do but was barely paying attention, i was halfway dreaming and half way awake. then *poof* they were gone. when i awoke i thought it was a lucid dream, it felt super real. well in reality it was. woke up to a dark and cold lonely deserted house with my dog sleeping near me, he looked so peaceful; dreaming of bones and swimming, that i tried to get up quietly and tried not to wake him. he senses me when i wake up all the time, as if we have a connected energy field that are simultaneously in sync with each other, he stretches then i stretch or vise versa. this is a trait or gift that i have with all living things. after that i get up and start on my homework.

after some time working the little guy says *rawr* and decide to make some brunch. decided to make something quick and made some tacos and gave him his portion of food for his brunch with a side dish of water. then went back to work.  a few hours later it was dinner time, didn’t have much to prep since i wasn’t feeding an army this time around but just for one and his dog. all i could find in the fridge was red meat and red meat products and discovered a hidden package that was successfully chicken, threw that together and prepped his next portion for dinner and his ice cold water. during that i open my computer and threw it on netflix, we began watching old school videos that popped up on the instant watch list. while watching that he decided to join me on the couch and lay across my legs to watch the movie. that movie brought back a lot of childhood memories.

on of the things on the movie towards the end was very intriguing to me, it was said that “things happen in your life that you can’t stop but it’s no reason to shut out the world” – crazy pete sims, which i now find to be very true, i have shut out a lot of people in my life in the past but after a certain incident i changed who i was and changed into the person i am and all know today. i learned to never hold grudges, to be considerate, also that the world doesn’t revolve around me and lots more. i have accepted a lot of imperfections i carry on my shoulders but pick up more weight each time i accept any, a repeating cycle that i think will never stop. i think! with each passing day i see what i see and do what i do to make the attempt to be on top, the struggle and mountain is there, but i know one day i can conquer it. as well as other mountain climbing expeditions that may come in my path of stepping. in conclusion i was just reminiscing and am wondering what will happen when the drive is complete? i don’t know and wonder if i should be afraid?!

to the now O_o

this is what was thrown at me today and couldn’t be more true. “Your attention is likely to be focused on financial matters and trying to make a better life for yourself, but you may be involved in a clash of ideals as to what constitutes a ‘better life.’ You need to be sure not to pick bits of this and bits of that from different causes to try to support your position; trust in your integrity and your intuition, and that way you’ll find your own words and stand for your own ideals.” I do hate to say it but they are right, I feel some days that I am under-appreciated for all that I do and get no acknowledgement for what I do, a simple thank you would be in order. but NO! I always get the shaft on everything I do. I ask for one little favor when more then a few have been requested and what I get is a complain or a non-follow through putting the blame on someone or something else. I know that the guilt will kick in and it will over power the emotions. if the favor would have been taken care of like asked and not altered because you HAD to be somewhere and can’t take into consideration that I cleared my schedule to go get your things. I have never asked for any favors, but when I do I get no end result. who does that?! i don’t want to be an asshole brother and say no and make you do it but have a little consideration for the future. that’s all I ask. in conclusion it looks like I will have to make my life more difficult and take matters into my own two hands, I hate too but that is what it is pushing towards.

truth hurts O_o

I dreamed it again last night, I am not sure what to do about it, it told me what I needed to see and I did. what does it mean?! isn’t a reoccurring dream suppose to come true, in a way. it is what has been said by many. can I or should I believe it now?? it felt so real, real enough when I went for it I awoke and was in a dark room for a minute and fell back asleep. it was so lucid that I could smell/touch or what I assumed it smelled/felt like. it was scary and great at the same time.

on a side note I was totally right, high or low, it is said to be true. that is awesome gift, I am no magic man but know a few thing that help and you are welcome.

to following dreams O_o