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Tag Archives: sun

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

O_o

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done with dinner, a while ago of course. i remembered after getting from work what today was. it is a mexican family tradition to honor the people who have passed away. i know the people who were closest in my life who i knew or even didn’t know that well are in a better place. i am still reminded everyday when i see a passing about my incident and how i am grateful for surveying. but i see life in a new perspective and i see the beauty in death now. i learned along time ago what not to do, ever since that day the haunting scares me every now and then. it is something i want to forget but at the same time if i do it may be possible it will occur again. i would rather not mess with my life or another, ever! i know what pain and distrust i caused and i am barely trying to gain that trust back. even with a busy day i doze off for a minute or two and had the strangest vertigo feeling after that i was jumped into a dream or quite possibly a hallucination, i don’t know if it was a dream or a view into the future but i can totally write that movie. and i found a mark in a book that pretty much gave me an answer i was looking for. the idea is still fresh and is written down, now just trying to figure out how to make it a hard-copy. got  few thing i will be starting after i finish with all of my school work. going to start on one right after hoping i have enough time. i will be starting a draft this weekend on my first camping trip in two years. sun, rain or even snow can’t stop my ideas but it sure can influence what happens next. i am very excited for this. i have done nothing but go to school and work, i am finally going to take a break from all technology, well almost, the will be a camera for documentation but that is about all the technology that will be with me. i hope all had a good day, it is time to sleep to start tomorrow refreshed and ready to do what needs to get done. good night and sweet dreams.

love O_o

 

i do want to first start off by thanking EVERYONE. you guys made my day better and better with that kind of feedback. i was even posted on a site! that is some exciting news. my music career is going no where fast but have been greatly inspired by the emails that my next one will be worked on a bit more delicately. before i release it to the world i will have a few commentators to see what they like or dislike about my set presented. that was that. as  far as today went, it went and went, was in class and i had my undivided attention all up on the lecture. what was even better was when the professor looked at me and threw a quick question at me, slightly caught me off guard but was dumbfounded when i replied the answer and question that made her head spin. it was like i was king of the mountain; a small ego boost if you will. and of course went back to taking my detailed notes and even on top of that, the stuff i printed out was over done the other day but it had all the notes i needed for todays class and i knew exactly what she was talking about when she would point and ask a random person to answer. day went on, had my snack, lunch, homework and also got to my workout, tanning in the sun and laundry for the day. got to be at class early and have everything ready for a busy day tomorrow; possibly going under the knife; but i have to see what the doctor orders. i want these snitches out, they are bugging me and giving me headaches. they may be just for a minute or two but they’re there and slowly making there way in an i want them out now. dont care if they put me under or local anesthesia but i want them out. hope all had a great day and or birthday and may all be safe and have a wonderful night. i am out!

O_o

today was like any other day, sun blaring, birds chirping, no clouds, windy, and above all spending it with my dad. arrived at a doctors house near the mall, it was fun driving down a steep hill, so much momentum. lol the doctor had set up the job with my dad last week and finally told us what he wanted, we had to construct a custum patio overhang (roof) with skylights and tin sheets. it took us most of the day but we got it done. it turned out the homeowner was a doctor who worked for the department of infectious diseases here in town. he was a top research developer and chemist that he was on a team looking for a cure for breast cancer. i am familiar with that situation because of someone really close to me and my family. i saw the hell she had to go through but is a survivor and has been well. she does so much for us, it is quite amazing. i do hope they do find a cure one day for it, after seeing what she had to go through, it must be hard for all the other women and men out there that do have to go through it. to this day, i am a huge supporter for the fight of breast cancer and live strong campaign. hope you are too. after a while my dad asked him a few questions and i walked in to the conversation and the doctor said they maybe was a slight chance for a cure, maybe within the next few years. with today technological advances anything is possible. well to tired to write anymore, it is time for bed but have a good night and a better tomorrow.

LiveStrong O_o

was working on Shelby today, well for most of the day, didn’t think putting on 4 shoes would take so long, but it did, by the end of it was covered in dust from head to toe. in a way i looked like a a spotted tiger, hahahahaha in that whole time working and fixing the brakes got bumps, cut and maybe even bruises, but for sure will have scars for it. i see them now after scrubbing off the dirt and grime and laugh, how i took something so simple and made it so complex. but what was even stranger was that throughout the time working I had forgotten to eat, it never phased me, my stomach never made a sound or a movement, i was so focused on completing the task in front of me that it reminded me of school, if i can put that much dedication and time into my studies i am sure to make it out on top, but i didn’t do it all myself, since i had no car to move around in i had to ask my dad for help. hated to since he was tired from getting home from work but he saw me struggling and dirty that he was thoughtful enough to ask if i needed help, father’s day was around the corner an didn’t want him to strain or make him even more tired and just asked him if he could make a quick run to the auto-parts store to get me a spring that i needed. finally finished, scrubbed out of my clothes and washed up and finally headed to get some food, was starving. that was my adventure for today, what was yours like?

to healing scars O_o

taking a quick water break and blurb break to let you know that I have been super productive, and have completed a lot within these past couple of hours, it feels really good, well to be honest it is a feeling I have never felt before and do not really know how to explain it. but I will take a guess and say it feels like sweet sweet victory of the mini battles, the war has yet to be won. I am fighting everyday with my all. hope everything is okay with you, haven’t heard from you. have a good one.

to achieving new limits O_o

made the decision yesterday that I really needed to get my eyes checked out and start worrying about my well being. I made a few calls this morning and started doing some research on other things I need to do, will be going under on June 15 for some test, I know I will need some work done, have dreaded this and have left it alone for quite a few years, It Is Time! first thing is first, getting my eyes checked, have been running around all of town with my little brother driving me around checking who has the best price for a contact exam, because it turns out it is cheaper and more reliable for me to get contacts and later on get a pair of glasses.

arrived at my first destination where I went sporadically went the other day just to get some info and start my research for finding the best place but was an epic failure, I did not pay close attention to the time of operations and was closed for the day. went to the store, and spent a little time there and went to another and another and another place etc, was getting frustrated and decided to use a life line and phone my parents, was given further instructions to go to a place that was near by our home, when we arrived I sort of, kind of rushed in because was told they stop taking walk-ins at 4:30 (because they closed at 5) and it was already 4:15.

filled out the paper work and continued to get checked out (vision, measurements, etc.) and sat back down in anticipation, the doctor called and got up and what felt like the longest walk of my life actually did. I was scared to know what had changed in about 6 years from my last visit of Junior year of High School. turns out there was a slight change, nothing dramatic or drastic but just enough for new prescription. which I think was okay because I needed it. while there the optometrist asked me if I would like to have my eyes dilated for further examination of my eyes, said sure, might as well and carried on with the procedure.

from that moment on, he mention to me that I wold lose vision for the next 3 hours or so, accepted the repercussions and let him continue. everything turned out to be undamaged and perfectly healthy. which was a HUGE surprise to me. “were done!” said the doctor, the technician will give you your trial pair and return for a check up and update and we will give you your 2 boxes of contacts. told him thank you and went on my way up to the front, with some help. forgot my sunglasses in the truck and had to borrow my brothers until we got to the truck (very helpful and kind but oddly strange)…

I went home and could not see, even if my life depended on it, I saw everything fuzzy and unclear with the bright sun blaring down on my eyes, felt very venerable. got home and stayed in the dark trying to recover, doing that helped a bit but got a headache and felt a little like light torture. some time passed and vision came back but pupils were still HUGE, had to continue to wear my sunglasses everywhere and it was funny. joined my aunt to the store without my sunglasses and didn’t know that my eyes were still black as night (hahahahaha) after this long of recovering.

when I arrived home my eyes are slowly being unblack and turning back to their original light brown color. I am here now writing this wearing my sunglasses because the headache is back and need to let my eyes rest from light. in conclusion, going to a professional is not always a bad and scary thing, I know we all expect to hear the worst but at most times it is a good to hear good news (medically speaking). that was my adventure for the day, how was your day?!

good things happening O_o

[this is how you would not start a paper, but this is how I was taught to try to put emphasis on something, enjoy.]

Define: EPIPHANY? according to to dictionaries epiphany is defined as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. it also is usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight. well; while spending time with the family seemed like the right thing to today, there was a conversation about close relatives and the tone of voice that was used was very strong and powerful, when it hits me like a red school-like building crumbling on top of me that my family was throwing subconscious puns at me even though I was not involved in the situation.

when I visited my family several days ago they continued the ridicule and mocking that I never liked before, it felt as if my dignity was being stripped from me and being shown to everyone who I really was not and they assumed since I am “blood family” that I was becoming like them, in any way possible. I choose and was taught a better life to not be like “them,” I DO NOT want the things they have … yet! I need to continue doing what I need to do to get ahead. it is very hard work and will continue every single waking day of my life and from that am determined to succeed NO MATTER WHAT!!!

well with that floating in a mushy, grey, jello like substance above the eyes I came to the realization that I think I understand what happened several days ago. this was like seeing what I should have seen, everything became clearer and window clearer; I could be wrong but let me know otherwise. I think you think I am independent and on my feet and am the person I am today because was shown to be this way, I am like half-and-half milk, I know much but not everything, I would like too but if I am not shown I can not learn. people quote to “follow your heart and your mind will follow” well why can’t it be the other way around?

because scientifically speaking the heart is an organ that helps pump blood through the body where the mind; as beautiful as can be, is a state of mind where information is stored and saved away for a “rainy day,” In a dream, I continue to see smiles, laughs, and meets eye to eye with me. I awake knowing that it was a dream and if it could be like other dreams that have been events of premonitions and become a deja vu feeling that would be the most uplifting and grateful thing. I know you want to reach that “state,” everyone wants too; yes, even me! I know it was the hardest thing you had to do, but if you say it needed to happen for you to reach that “state,” let it be.

I am taking a wild guess and think you think that you may miss out on what eles is out there if this were to settle. I realized after hearing my folks everyone needs to stop telling me how to run my life and for me to take initiative and do what I think is the right thing to do. I think we are in the same part of the boat, but I just reached the same part with your help. you probably will not take credit for when I tell you, you have taught me from your doing. yes it is a hard thing to accept, I think I understand a little bit more of what you are thinking. how I never saw it that way is puzzling to me. I would like to know what you might be afraid to tell me.

the days feel like they are all the same and not being days but mini portions of events that are making things worse in my head. I just have to get some courage and I could find out what I need to, maybe a lot more, which I do hope for. that is not my decision to make.

to liking to know O_o

I see you in a dream, here you in my ear, I speak to you by my thought. I have accepted what I thought was a dream, I know you know I hurt, what hurts me more is to see you hurt. I know we will be okay one day. smile-a-day! “people disappear all the time but there never really gone, the good parts of them always stay put.” – TrueBlood. you intoxicate me with your presence.

eyes O_o