silly

i got pulled over and the cop claims to have clocked me on the radar at 40 mph, the silly thing about it was that i had my cruise control on 30 mph. how does a thing like that happen?! he was chasing another car; a much nicer one then mine but when you see an old person driving you make the assumption it was an accident and when you see a younger looking person wearing a backwards baseball cap he is automatically doing something wrong. i was let off with a warning but i could have done without the pulling over and been asleep already instead of typing this out and being disgruntled. well officer the next time you do pull someone over don’t be ignorant and discriminate. i don’t care what department or rank or what city you work for, just stop while your ahead with me because you would dislike it if what you found made you feel like a fool. have a good night.

track

today was really random today, i woke up and it was cool in the house, after getting ready for work i opened the door to find fog everywhere. i couldn’t even see across the street to the other houses thats how bad it was. while i was driving i had to be extra careful since i could only see a few car lengths in front of me. it took me a little longer then usual since everyone on the road slowed down. i had made it to work safely and checked in. while we were there getting the paperwork ready for the day, it began geting beter outside. i had heard on the news the night before that it was going to be hot and then cold again at night. i got through work without any problems. what was exciting was that the week i had asked for off was given to me so that i could deal with all my school stuff and finals.

on my way back home they had closed a six-lane highway to one-lane to do work on a saturday afternoon. there was no problem the whole week with it and just out of the blue they decided they had to stop everyone and work. i was in no rush but knew what i had coming. i have a few more reports i have to turn in and they are all due next friday. i have less then a week to get them typed out and printed and sent to my professors. while i was working i was getting a headache from not eating because i had forgotten my snack before dinner time. i was going to make turkey burgers on the grill. i haven’t been able to cook in a while because of my time being busy with work or school and decided to take a break from typing.

prepared and got everything ready while the pit was being started. they came out really good. after cleaning up i jumped back on the computer to type and finish my reports. just in case i fall asleep early, i hope everyone had a good day and be safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

break

had another busy day, was busy just about the whole day. doing a little of this and that. work went well, had a ton of work to do so i ignored everyone and threw my headphones in and got to work. luckily no one bothered me, no one tried to distract me. it was very peaceful for an hour. then i finished the worked and moved onto the next set of paperwork. never did i believe that people brought their work with them home. today showed that in so many ways. i have to take what i have learned and write them out and turn it in. still have quite a bit to go. going to stop here and hope everyone is safe and accounted for. lol. it is time to try to finish up what i can before sleeping. have a good night and sweet dreams.

quick

really quick, i have been busy all day. i have not stopped writing and running around everywhere. yeah i thought today would be easy but i guessed wrong. the funniest part of my day was during work, i had a little bit of time and did some quick research and was able to write a report. i really didn’t want them to find out i was doing school work on company time so when someone would pass by or ask me a question i quickly minimized my window. they spread a rumor i was internal affairs trying to see what was the dirt to have someone fired. i went along with it but played it off really well. always answering a question with another question. was able to only get half of it done, after work i made a quick dash home to change clothes and headed to school library. got some more sources for my reports. took me a while to find a few sources but by the time i knew it the school library was closing. headed home and am almost done but going to have to wake up early to finish it. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

airborne

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

discovery

done with dinner, a while ago of course. i remembered after getting from work what today was. it is a mexican family tradition to honor the people who have passed away. i know the people who were closest in my life who i knew or even didn’t know that well are in a better place. i am still reminded everyday when i see a passing about my incident and how i am grateful for surveying. but i see life in a new perspective and i see the beauty in death now. i learned along time ago what not to do, ever since that day the haunting scares me every now and then. it is something i want to forget but at the same time if i do it may be possible it will occur again. i would rather not mess with my life or another, ever! i know what pain and distrust i caused and i am barely trying to gain that trust back. even with a busy day i doze off for a minute or two and had the strangest vertigo feeling after that i was jumped into a dream or quite possibly a hallucination, i don’t know if it was a dream or a view into the future but i can totally write that movie. and i found a mark in a book that pretty much gave me an answer i was looking for. the idea is still fresh and is written down, now just trying to figure out how to make it a hard-copy. got  few thing i will be starting after i finish with all of my school work. going to start on one right after hoping i have enough time. i will be starting a draft this weekend on my first camping trip in two years. sun, rain or even snow can’t stop my ideas but it sure can influence what happens next. i am very excited for this. i have done nothing but go to school and work, i am finally going to take a break from all technology, well almost, the will be a camera for documentation but that is about all the technology that will be with me. i hope all had a good day, it is time to sleep to start tomorrow refreshed and ready to do what needs to get done. good night and sweet dreams.

love 

 

press

had to stop the press. today was a quiet day in a sense that i kept to myself. well not really but every situation and task i was put in i was sent to do alone. in a way it was nice but then at the same time i had no one to converse with. it wasn’t until after lunch. i was able to see my mom for lunch that everything just came as a wave of everyone wanting to talk with me. i have some crazy theories but i am sure they are true about good vibes. i had to stop my doing my homework to check my schedule. i have never done that but i now have my calendar filled up, continuing to be busy, it may even be that i might be heading out of town again for the sixth time. i have been gone every weekend. it is crazy. every time i go something has do done. have to wait until friday to confirm. well today will be a way early night, i am already falling asleep. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

missing

today was one of those days for me, a missing in action kind of day. so much to do and so much to see. was up early in the morning running around like a chicken with it’s head chopped off. tried to get everything turned in and tried to talk to everyone i needed too to not be left behind, i still need a few more things. this is the hard part, i feel as if i have to sell myself, but in a way it is for a good cause. well a future cause at that. now i am learning more and being more intrigued into another department but am still following my main goal…for now! like i told my parents at dinner today, i can not focus on just one thing, i want to do everything or at least be informed on lots because not just one subject intrest me. i’ll admit many many moons ago i never wanted to go to class because nothing ever caught my attention until these past few years towards the end of my high school. i have learn to be open about a lot and learned to adapt to what may be going on around my life at the time, but i think right now, this moment of my life i am awake, in a sense that i want to keep learning and never stop. i know with what i am considering may be dangerous but if i could change one thing in a person, i think i can be more helpful to others. and not to mention with my background, i would be able help out others. here is to step number one of many to come. but at the same time i am also afraid of what may happen. i just hope i can get this.

fingers crossed 

here it goes

STOP IT; everyone!!!! I know what I have to do, let me be and worry about your things. I can not forget what happen but I can forgive. I do forgive you and I hope you can be happy, I want what is best for you, I know one day you will get what your heart always desires. everyones opinion is just an opinion and do not want to hear it. I know what I must do in life and am determined to prove everyone wrong. what is the point of me being angry when nothing bad was done to me. I do hope for your well being and safety. I do still care, it will be a while before I can even think about going to the market. right now it is my turn, for me!!! I will be okay and I know you will to, but I know that I can’t not have you there. you showed and helped me SO much that I thank you for. they say “everything happens for a reason” which I would agree with. I know it will not be the same as it was before but I would still like to be friends, even if it is just a hello, morning, afternoon, I am okay, how are you, etc. that is okay for me.

friends

t(s)

why must you tend to open up and give family advice when we know better and your mentality is clouded because of how much alcohol is in your system? if you say to do all these things and you try to make your kid look high and mighty, I am glad you think that but we are older and wiser, he still has A LOT to learn, yes life is short but one thing for sure is you can not rush someone into something or to take advantage of something because you used to be that way. I know who is first in my life, there is no reason for you to tell me who I should or shouldn’t put first in my life. you don’t talk to us like you used to because YOU now have a family and see how hard it is. in the other case you said your going to do something about a problem, well “If you’re complaining it means you don’t really want to change, because if you did, you’d shut up & do it already! – TDL” just do it because you want to and show your sons/daughters that there is a better life out there; no matter how you grew up or where you grew up. get off my back and get off your ass and CHANGE if you want what is better for you and your family but do it for YOU and no one else. one thing I was shown was how to BE, that can never be taken away from me, but for sure can be taught by others and there is something out there for each of us. it beautiful and precious, it is not something you can pick up and throw it away and keep picking it up. I have what I have because of ME not because I am told to have something I should not. I hope your kids grow up and realize this, because everything is taught from the home and then to the “roads.” time to grow the _ _ _ _ up, you only have one life, life is to short to try to beat others because you think they are better then you. get where your going but the right way.

to not being that

UGH!!!

Stop feeding the flame!!!

STOP

STOP and think what you are saying, I did not even say that, you are twisting my words and with that, provoking more trouble, I am not saying you did anything but I left them there, for no one to touch but me; that way I know where I last left them and can find them, I never said you threw them away but you could be a bit more careful.