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wow what a day today has been. it is early and already i am falling asleep. i know i need my rest because tomorrow will be one hell of a day for me. so much to do with so little time. these next few day determine a lot. i am nervous. for the first time in a while. i know baby steps were there before but now i am taking a huge leap and i will have to see what my evaluation says. i know i am not crazy, well i hope not but pts does change some things. hope all had a good day. it is time for me to rest and sleep. good night and happy and sweet dreams.

porque O_o

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i think i have a slight guess of what you may be saying. you did what you did because you had too. maybe you should forgive yourself but that is just me thinking out load. i don’t want what happened to make you want to crumble because of me. i know you well enough to know you are strong and you have proven to me that you are capable of doing extraordinary things, with help or without. i did all i could to make you see that and it showed. maybe i was just a stepping stone for you to see the full potential that you have in you. i do wish the best for you. i can’t dictate what my heart wants but can only decide to do this out of the kindness of my heart. good luck with everything.

in other related news, i received a phone call after work with a few questions that followed. it was one of the applications i put in along with my resume and was asked if it was current, i didn’t realize it was over a year an a half old that i hadn’t updated the thing. maybe now with an updated form of my last year, i can show what i have come to accomplish. i have been exhausted these past two days from only getting several hours of sleep, not the full requirement. i feel so old that instead of me taking a nap today, i actually fell asleep for about four hours. the crazy thing is i am still very tired and i am already ready for bed. it is very early and i do wish all a good night and happy dreams.

really tired O_o

have felt like a ghost all day today, even after school. as if i wasn’t even around. people passed by me and nothing. what can one do?!

“be the change you want to see in the world”

i saw this today and it has me thinking. thinking of things i could never see myself doing, until now! i have been able to accomplish a good amount of goals in my life. but while thinking i wrote down a small time capsule like note to myself, hope it is a good thing. i also came across another saying in a book.

“no man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true” — Hawthorne

kind of reminds me of something i saw on a television show several months ago. it did work for the character; but then again it was just good television. let’s see if i can accomplish this. small baby steps for now. see you soon. have a good night…friends. & family.

tuyyo O_o

some holiday this has been, a crappy one, i lay here writing this listen to music loudly because no one is here to tell me to turn it down. it started off with my parents arriving way early in the morning and deciding to leave when the sunrise would appear. they were telling me what they were going to do but was barely paying attention, i was halfway dreaming and half way awake. then *poof* they were gone. when i awoke i thought it was a lucid dream, it felt super real. well in reality it was. woke up to a dark and cold lonely deserted house with my dog sleeping near me, he looked so peaceful; dreaming of bones and swimming, that i tried to get up quietly and tried not to wake him. he senses me when i wake up all the time, as if we have a connected energy field that are simultaneously in sync with each other, he stretches then i stretch or vise versa. this is a trait or gift that i have with all living things. after that i get up and start on my homework.

after some time working the little guy says *rawr* and decide to make some brunch. decided to make something quick and made some tacos and gave him his portion of food for his brunch with a side dish of water. then went back to work.  a few hours later it was dinner time, didn’t have much to prep since i wasn’t feeding an army this time around but just for one and his dog. all i could find in the fridge was red meat and red meat products and discovered a hidden package that was successfully chicken, threw that together and prepped his next portion for dinner and his ice cold water. during that i open my computer and threw it on netflix, we began watching old school videos that popped up on the instant watch list. while watching that he decided to join me on the couch and lay across my legs to watch the movie. that movie brought back a lot of childhood memories.

on of the things on the movie towards the end was very intriguing to me, it was said that “things happen in your life that you can’t stop but it’s no reason to shut out the world” – crazy pete sims, which i now find to be very true, i have shut out a lot of people in my life in the past but after a certain incident i changed who i was and changed into the person i am and all know today. i learned to never hold grudges, to be considerate, also that the world doesn’t revolve around me and lots more. i have accepted a lot of imperfections i carry on my shoulders but pick up more weight each time i accept any, a repeating cycle that i think will never stop. i think! with each passing day i see what i see and do what i do to make the attempt to be on top, the struggle and mountain is there, but i know one day i can conquer it. as well as other mountain climbing expeditions that may come in my path of stepping. in conclusion i was just reminiscing and am wondering what will happen when the drive is complete? i don’t know and wonder if i should be afraid?!

to the now O_o

I never thought I would catch the stress-bug, except that I recently have! it all started ever since I heard that I was going to be held in place because I had too many hours, you would think that it is good to have many hours, but according to the representatives it’s not. with a little push and inspiration I got all my paper work turned in to the representatives and will be waiting to hear from them back that I was accepted, to start paying my dues and be getting myself ready for the next step. It seems that I need every push and shove and help I can get too be able to reach the next step. I just want to take the time and thank all who have pushed me and have helped me along the wave of this ride.

Thank You All O_o

home from helping out with a job. I have tried everything to get back on this. it seems that i take 2 steps forward and a step back. got to learn a little about the past and got to bond, the bonding is getting stronger. it was tough but I survived. no soreness but throbbing-ness after cooling down. it was a slight off day. since tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow will be better…I HOPE.

back O_o