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well its been about a week now, it was time to get stuff done for a change, i am starting off the new year with some not so great news, in these past two months our family has lost three people because of illnesses. i don’t know what else is happening around the world, just in my world. we received a phone call early in the morning about the passing away of a cousins’ child. he passed away of leukemia. a few days ago we had another relative pass away with aids; i did mention it before in my previous blogs. then we received news of my uncle being admitted in the hospital for unrelated occurrences. my parents had to go out of the state and well, country. i did have a great conversation and i am super glad i was able to talk to you today, like i told you there are days i just don’t know what to say. i do miss our long talks we used to have. there are a few things i wish for but i will have to wait and see what will happen. i have to go attend to my family right now. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

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why must you keep doing this too me? i told you many of time because of what you did to me, i never want to hear from you ever again. it’s unforgivable and i have no room for you in my life. say what you want but what you did trumps anything i could ever do to a person. in other words goodbye.

on a side note, today was very productive. i was running around and driving around everywhere. i got all i needed done. i started working on my project to forget what happened earlier. time to get back to work. catch you later.

O_o

what a day. woke up to the alarm blowing up in my ear. i would have said good morning but the cable lines were frozen and my internet was down because of it. took my final and went home, started on my reports and felt like some coffee, i was already out of it. i had one scoop which couldn’t make me two cups. rushed to the store and it had failed me, the coffee i wanted was out. i know it is now illegal to text while driving but had to respond back, didn’t want you to think something happened to me. i was okay just driving. i went to my next favorite place to shop. found what i wanted and by the time i knew it i was home faster then anything to try to get home before traffic started up. had my coffee and continued on my report. tumbler was crying and since it was early and i was home i decided to go running early. i pushed my limit. i was going to hurt but need to keep my cardiovascular up to keep my heart healthy. i had a scare the other day, nothing serious but scary. while i was typing away i lost track of my battery life and drained my battery twice today. i am finished with five report out of seven total. two more to go and due friday and i also have one more final to go. i hope all had a good day. i am okay. time for me to sleep. have a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

had a productive day today even though i had woken up from almost being asleep for thirteen hours. i was able to finish a few more reports today. since it was cool outside and i needed to drop off some books at the library, i went to the dog park downtown with tumbler and walked to the library to get some fresh air and drop off the books. on our way back we spent a little more time at the park and my parents called and asked me to meet them for dinner. we went home and i got ready to go meet them. we had our dinner and talked, i was joking with my mom that i wasn’t going to go into school because i didn’t feel like it and she told my dad and my dad was twenty-one questioning me, what was really going on was that i don’t have class because of finals but i neglected to let them know that part. i started on my next report and got half way through it. it is kind of late and i am getting sleepy, going to call it a night. hope all had a good day. stay safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today i was woken up early by my dreams. it was like what happens on inception, a dream within a dream, i was walking through a mall and with a co-worker and telling him different things when out of the blue i hear my name called i turn and turn to try to find where that voice was coming from. i was getting anxious and then kept walking and talking, moments later i could see a figure of  some sort pixelating in front of me; while this is happening my co-worker is still talking and walking; what i saw i didn’t know because i began thinking in my head to wake up. before that an arm tried grabbing me and then at that moment it was as if i could see myself waking up but it was still a dream. then in the distant could hear tumbler barking and it got louder to where i did actuall wake up for real.

after that it was early and i was able to make me a healthy breakfast and throw on a pot of coffee, sure enough i downed two cups before leaving to school and took a third with me. went to school took my test and realized some of the questions i didn’t know must of been the ones i missed class because i overslept. it is to early to tell but i don’t know how i did and wont find out until my final on next friday. after that i made it home to grab my stuff for work and headed to work.

when i arrived i greeted all co-workers and couldn’t remember for the life of me what my co-worker in my dream was telling. he was running around everywhere and i never got a chance to converse with the guy and i got busy working the whole day. i was curious and was trying to see how i was doing so far and started talking with the supervisor and he said i was doing good but to slow down on working so much, i was taking work from the others because i am asking for more work. lol. i was taken to lunch by some of the guys at work, i think the talk i had with them they finally trust me. returned and got straight to work. i think i was more distracted today by everyone then i ever have. i’m the youngest one there, it wasn’t too long ago that i was in the shoes of the kids that come and go. i had finished my last set of paper work on the deadline a few minutes before leaving. once i left for home that was that.

i arrived home and arrived early so i changed really fast and headed to the park to go running with my dog, again. since i arrived early to the park it was still some daylight out, i did my thing and it was too early to go home i decided to go another mile or so and then return home. it turned out just perfect. i was able to run a bit more in a short period of time. then returned home.

after arriving home got my sandwich out and ate before starting back up on my work i have to catch up on. it is a lot and i just woke up from a half hour nap i took. i have to get to work early tomorrow and will be going to sleep after getting ready for bed. i hope all had a good day and a safe night. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

woke up around mid-day, had my brunch and two cups of coffee and went on my day. cleaned, laid down, read, wrote and ate until i headed off to the store with my family. while at the store i found two small statues of a bodhisattva. i have started some study of buddhism but i have to start slow because the end result is tough but a good outcome. found a few other things i need too but that will have to wait for later. i hope all had a good day, school and life starts back up tomorrow. you have a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

like woah! what a day i have had. woke up tried to make some oatmeal pancakes and coffee really fast. they came out really good and that jump started my day. school cool. after that went home like really fast to take out tumbler and grab my folder with my work documents. drove and when i arrived was greeted with a hello by the door guy. the funny thing is i always tell him to have a great rest of the day when i leave work, i guess he picked up on it. besides writing reports today i was able to sit in more intakes of the kids. i observed and i am hoping that really soon i can do my own intakes and be on my own. (hoping everyday.) as the day went on i was talking with some other workers and they asked me if i was participating in the pot-luck thanksgiving lunch this friday. told them sure. i am having my mom bake the family secret recipe bread for the get-together. as the day went on i stopped by the house to get a quick sandwich for dinner and headed off to school. i had to go to a school concert for one of my classes. it was actually not bad and stayed for the whole thing while also trying to write one of my reports and had an epic fail; my pen ran out of ink after writing three pages and was about to continue on to the fourth when the pen gave out. after that arrived home to heat up some chicken soup and tried not to burn my face off. i was able to write a few reports but am already ready for bed now and going to sleep. i hope all had a good day. good night, sleep well and sweet dreams.

O_o

what a spiraling day, it all started last night while dreaming; i was able to some how control the dream and what i did. it was as if my thought had a thought, i know it is hard to explain but it kind of reminded me of inception the movie, where they went into a dream state and in that dream state they had gone into another. i was thinking of what to do and my body would do just as i thought it. it was as if i could control my world. before i could get to controlling my dream i was woken up by my alarm. it was time for me to get up and get ready for school. after getting ready had some time and tried out the new coffee i had bought yesterday. it was really good. took off for school and learned a little bit more on the what was going on before the depression. i was awake, alert, excited to learn and what felt like a good mood. after leaving school to work i was early and decided to take some time and drive. made it to work and after heading inside is when the spiral of events began. everything went from good to bad to good to bad to good. by the time i knew it it was already time to go home. even though everything was spiraling out of control i remembered my dream and how i was controlling the dream, i did just that, i took the time to enjoy the slow traffic, in a sense that i was able to think in peace, without being distracted like usual when i get home. i had a lot to catch up on from school and work. i am taking time to get a really good grade, i am tired of failing. i don’t want to be a failure anymore. even though writing in my strong suit; i have too. i think i will be asking for help because i don’t know how to go about my research paper. i got the information but where do i sart; sort of thing. it is getting hard for me to think even though it is early. i just want to sleep. already ready for bed and going to sleep early. i hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

done with dinner, a while ago of course. i remembered after getting from work what today was. it is a mexican family tradition to honor the people who have passed away. i know the people who were closest in my life who i knew or even didn’t know that well are in a better place. i am still reminded everyday when i see a passing about my incident and how i am grateful for surveying. but i see life in a new perspective and i see the beauty in death now. i learned along time ago what not to do, ever since that day the haunting scares me every now and then. it is something i want to forget but at the same time if i do it may be possible it will occur again. i would rather not mess with my life or another, ever! i know what pain and distrust i caused and i am barely trying to gain that trust back. even with a busy day i doze off for a minute or two and had the strangest vertigo feeling after that i was jumped into a dream or quite possibly a hallucination, i don’t know if it was a dream or a view into the future but i can totally write that movie. and i found a mark in a book that pretty much gave me an answer i was looking for. the idea is still fresh and is written down, now just trying to figure out how to make it a hard-copy. got  few thing i will be starting after i finish with all of my school work. going to start on one right after hoping i have enough time. i will be starting a draft this weekend on my first camping trip in two years. sun, rain or even snow can’t stop my ideas but it sure can influence what happens next. i am very excited for this. i have done nothing but go to school and work, i am finally going to take a break from all technology, well almost, the will be a camera for documentation but that is about all the technology that will be with me. i hope all had a good day, it is time to sleep to start tomorrow refreshed and ready to do what needs to get done. good night and sweet dreams.

love O_o

 

today was a crazy day. i got to class went through that. and then headed to work, worked started off with a tour of the facilities i have never seen before. it was very interesting since they had me doing a couple of thing when i started and have stayed with that. everyone has been really nice. have been treated well. as the day went on i was called in and showed how their system works. it is very simple yet very complex, everything is jumbled together and really hard to read but i managed. [update] I was also shown how to write formal letters to send out, how to fill out contracts for the parent and juvenile to sign. there was so much information thrown at me, most of it good but I began observing my other coworkers and they began giving me hints an tips on how to speak formally to the parents so if need be I could negotiate in case something were to go wrong. after that was over I was signed out and headed to the other job. there I was given a few hours to finish up what I needed to get done. I am done with that. after that was over I started talking with the main supervisor to see what would happen next, my only concern was the overlapping of both places but everything has turned out okay. after that was over I headed home. and the rest is what most people say is history in a sense that now I know how it feels like when someone has to work for two jobs, it is very though. I will keep trying and as far as I know my night is over. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

my days just keep getting busier and busier. woke up went for an early morning run, got back and got ready for school. went to school and then went to work. left work for appointment of other work and got it done, went home and had a sandwich for lunch. after that went back to work and finished up work. got home and was started on homework, tried to nap but i felt to energized and started on homework. went for a quick short run around the neighborhood and returned and started dinner. had some pasta with a spicy avocado tomato sauce. it came out quite good, had a little zing to it. started back on homework and still have a lot to do and more of a busy day tomorrow. ready for bed and enjoying the nice weather writing this. hope all had a good day, good night and sweet dreams.

quidame lo O_o

wow! really?! that has got to be one of the most frequent things i have been hearing about myself from others lately. i am too nice! was talking with some old friends today and have found out that; for the fourth and fifth time now; that i am a nice person. it seems to be portrayed as a bad thing. when can i show the world that good does still exist in this world and it’s a good thing?! really guys. c’mon! i couldn’t believe my ears. is being “bad” a good thing?! i live my life “safe” as some people believe to be a bad thing; for the reason that i have been through hell and back. for those who know me and my family know best; very few people actually do. i became the person you know today for personal reasons that i didn’t want to end up like a few, well many close relatives i know. it is a tragedy. breaks people’s hearts, especially even if one day you know you will one day get that phone call when something bad has happened or worse. is it wrong that a few beliefs i have can be appreciated by some, and not by all. but then again; it is my life! i am in no way saying i am perfect because i am not but still, live my life with morals to one day show others that not all we do can be a stigma and carry on with our legacy. i don’t know whether to be angry or disappointed. but after hearing it five times from different people, it astonishes me; really! i guess people’s perception of good is actually bad. wow! i really can’t believe it. even after this i still hope everyone has a great night. deuce.

por siempre O_o