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Tag Archives: self

today has been a wake up call above all other things. all happened during work. what i did was nothing compared to what i have done before, i was able to sit in with a few families and saw how things could possibly take a turn for the worse. i could relate to some of the things going on but some of the other things i couldn’t relate too. i was sort of shocked of what was told to me by strangers i have never met before. everyone beat around the bush and said i looked liked a trustworthy person and that’s why they were able to talk to someone like me. with the confidentiality agreement i had signed i was to report any harmful actions to one self or others. luckily what i was told wasn’t life threatening, it was mostly just a cry to be heard. some of the stories were a little tough to hear but it got me thinking that if i can possibly fix my problems i would be open to help others who are going through some of the little things i was and have been struggling with. i got to talking and listening to one case, wow did i feel bad for the kid, the parent wasn’t making an attempt but the child wanted to better themselves and the parent was just being ignorant that it made the child feel embarrassed to say the least. i did all in my power that i could today and felt like i made a difference in their lives and possibly the parents. as i got home i just wanted to rest but knew i couldn’t. stuff had to get done. as i ended up being done my parents were over and started cooking. i like having family dinners. i really do enjoy them, we are a lively crowd of crazy people, in my thoughts; well maybe as others see us too. lol. who knows?! i am getting to tired to keep writing. stay safe. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

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how come i can’t reach you, anytime i want to talk i can’t get a hold of you. how are you? how are things?

O_o

“earth, air, fire and water are the four elements of life, each one can stand on it’s own and can also help one another or hurt one another, they are each a different state but all connected as one.” i just had an epiphany while being outside trying to help, i look up and reminded me of what we talked about, it came to mind old friend, buddy, ol’ pal, i can see and do things that may cloud your judgement but the things you say are not meant to knock me down but you don’t see it that way, when you speak you may find truth in the words by the way you perceive it. i on the other hand don’t see it that way, but we all need a little help sometimes looking at things from another point of view. whether what you think is right and wrong for you, is just that, it is for YOU and not me.

if you feel the things you say may hurt me, think again, nothing can bring me down, back then maybe, i used to be a push over, back then, now not so much but every now and then i do see a little of me falling into that state. we have been through and seen a lot. when i see you i can see past all the mess and can see the truth. we are one in the same; like a yin yang; you know my strengths and my weaknesses just i can read yours. things got a little sour during the conversation but we came to an understanding, what you want in life is totally up to you and your destiny to follow, not mine, and vise versa. i look at the big picture in everything and correct me if i am wrong but i think you just see what you want to see.

as i was standing outside trying to help i went into a different state of mind that i haven’t ever been, everything was so clear, like it just went *poof* but when i was interrupted it all went away. whether it is because of something, i can achieve greatness. you just have to let me, as i am about to let you. what ever may come of my new ideals, i don’t really know. i hope for the best for me as i do for all.

in conclusion, i don’t know how this will get to you but i am sending to you. how you take it is up to you. what you do with it is up to you. but as far as for me; here i go!

e.a.f.w.l. O_o

been busy all day, for some reason have felt super in myself, like I am figuring myself from the inside out. while I was eating found some beads and some string and thought I would do something beyond my control. it doesn’t mean that I want to change religion, but I do like how buddhist are at peace with oneself and their surrounding (ex. nature, elements, etc.) which is what I have felt like these past couple of days, on a side note it is not that I am being anti-social staying away from the computer as much as possible unless if I really need it for school work. looked somethings up while I was filling out some problems and entering them in my homework section of my online class and stumbled across this;

“oneness of life and light, entrusting in your great compassion, may you shed the foolishness in myself, transforming me into a conduit of love…” – buddhism

what is strange about this is that many people in my life have mentioned to me that I look like and resemble a buddah statue. i took a little bit of spare time and made a mala (buddah prayer beads) it is black onyx which I am finding to be that it resembles and feels powerful. but in conclusion I am just looking into something new. spiritually. emotionally. and physically.

to new discoveries O_o