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I have finally returned from a far away place. I never thought I had it in me too see, but now I see the world a lot more clearer. Though you are six feet under, you will live on in our hearts. You were on of my favorites and I can truly and honestly say you were the top ones. I am glad you did not suffer at the very end, though I asked for peace and sounded bad; I know you are at peace.

We’ll miss you.

O_o

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Going to fall off the grid for a few days. May you R.I.P. and will see you soon.

O_o

i was able to post a few pictures of of the party. what i didn’t want to say yesterday was i thought i would never release emotions like i did on the drive back home. i was super grateful for the opportunity that was presented to me. i was sad that i was leaving it all behind and having to get back to the real world. i took some advice from a friend who recommended some classes online and have started listening to the classes. it was a logic class and everything they were mentioning i had already learned in philosophy class. i am going to get to learning and filling my brain with knowledge because i miss school and am excited to go back. catch you later.

O_o

this has got to have been one of the saddest days i witnessed. i say sad because we got word this morning that a close relative on my moms side passed away because of aids, we were up in the morning trying to figure out arrangement for my mom to head down south of the border to meet up with the rest of the families. me and my older brother were on the verge of actually driving down there and dropping them off at the border and buy them bus tickets for my mom and my dad to reach the small town. it hurt me to see my mom down and unable to process and think clearly. luckily there was a friend of the family heading down there because of what had happened and were asked if they could take them. they accepted and we rushed our parents into town and they were able to make it safely there. i was able to spend some one on one time with my brother and tumbler. but then after that time was over he had to go back to his home. even though he left a few hours ago i miss the guy, after he left i jumped on the old computer and began finding old playlist i made back when we go the computer; a little more then a decade ago. i am getting tired and have a list of things to do since no one will be here and have to take care of everything while everyone is away. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

everything was good, i was okay with the family, we were all laughing and what not while eating turkey. once we were done i sat down on the couch, watching my little brother pack his clothes and waiting to say goodbye because he had to work for black friday and he lives far away. while he was almost done we got a phone call, i could hear someone talking on the phone saying okay we will be there right away. i knew it wasn’t anybody from my family because we were all accounted for. it turns out it was a distant family member and they were in town and they were lost. automatically i was thrown in the pool to go get them and take them where ever they needed to go. every year it is te same thing! i want to relax and someone always has to ruin it. call me mean or whatever but i was home to relax. something i have been wanting to do for a very long time but no! i had to do other things then relax. i don’t think i ever can remember a time when we have had no interruptions and been able to celebrate this thankful day in peace. i am not angry just a little annoyed that this always happens. but i am over it and going to sleep. i hope all had a wonderful thanksgiving holiday break. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

this has got to  have been one of the strangest and weirdest weekends i ever had. it all started friday morning. slept in and other stuff was going on around me at the same time and i didn’t even know about. as the day went on something happened that i am not very proud of and has never ever happen to me; my keys; well i rather not say because it is too embarrassing, to say out loud let alone to write down in text. because of a phone call all of my plans had to be rescheduled or mainly modified. i drove.

drove for a bit. arrived and was able to settle in for a few minutes before going to search for my brother. he was celebrating his return back from visiting asia. how cool is that! pretty rad if you ask me. found him and i had that silent tear; you know the single one that is just released from your eye when you  are extremely happy, yeah that one. we and some other friends conversed. meanwhile below the border my parents went to visit my sick uncle and take him to a specialist farther outside of the city and back here i arrived home and got to thinking if there were new plans in the near future. but there is still so much i need to accomplish before some plans can go into effect.

after waking up i wasn’t feeling so well, mold and ragweed were high, but the crazy thing is i have never been allergic until then, the day went on and we went to have a dinner party for a friend who was born half a century ago. i was continuing to feel bad, i cut the night was short and headed home. i was almost asleep when i got a phone call to be a designated driver. i picked up my brother and friend from the road and returned back home to sleep. meanwhile i had received another call from my parents earlier that day that they were safely on there way back; or so i thought.

i was woken up to tumbler (my dog) getting sick and puking on the carpet. of course i had to get up really fast and remove and clean. i did just that. i had a few things to do. well more then a few. when i got to the dishes my mind stopped running a thousand miles an hour. i think the sound of water calms me down or maybe the feeling of water. i have yet to figure out what it is. by this time my parents were already home. i left this afternoon to go home. i was driven and met halfway through. we stayed for a bit and said our goodbyes after a little quality time that was there. on the way home my parents let me know what had happened. this is where it gets weird and strange.

apparently every time we had visited that part of the city we always end up losing and animal dearest to us. my mom had told me that our old dog had a cold for a few days now. even with all the care and medicine it didn’t help. my dad let her run free and she just walked to the back of the shed. normally she was a strong and brilliant dalmatian. she had a lot of what tumbler has know, i think he picked it up from her and some pointers from me as well. my dad said she was in plain sight and then she disappeared. my dad went looking for her when she wouldn’t answer her name being called out. she had walked farther away from from the house and removed herself from sight when she passed away. she passed away of natural causes, she was quite old. but she like our other dogs and pups will never be forgotten. we will miss you brittany, we love you girl. may you rest in peace and go visit our other canine family in doggy heaven. and if that wasn’t enough to bare, the kept going and told me what happened on the return trip.

while on their way back from the doctor and passing all the check points they were stopped by a federal cop truck and pulled off the side of the road. my dad was wondering what he had done wrong. it was broad daylight and he wasn’t drunk or speeding or being reckless in anyway shape or form. the official asked my dad to step out of the car and pop the trunk and hood of the rental car. he inspected the hood quickly and then returned farther away from the car with the trunk still opened. he asked my dad several questions. my dad answered with no problem. it was until the official assumed my dad had money and was lying. on a side note my dad has never done any of that, he is a well respected contractor in the business. he normally doesn’t carry a high amount of money on his person. as the official he told him that he would be going to jail. he brought out handcuffs and asked him what he wanted to do, at this point my dad was thinking that he was never going to see his wife, kids and family ever again. he was thinking the worst possible. as i am hearing this i am furious and thinking to myself, if anything like that ever were to happen i would pull the sort of stunt that you see in movies. i’ll just leave it at that.

he offered his last one hundred dollar bill to the official, mind you the officer had a loaded machine gun. while all this is going on my mom, aunt and uncle are in the car trying to listen and see what is going on. but they can’t since they were far away from the car. no one around for miles. they told him that he was going to jail and whoever was in the car would go about there business. at the same time there are three other men in the truck and also with loaded weapons. my dad highly believe what was going down was, what has been seen on the news lately over the border. with the offering my dad said that was his last hundred dollar bill and it was for the return trip home. the man was furious and said if he wanted them back that he would be sent to jail. the man refused to take the money where the others would see and the official asked him to make it as if they were shaking hands to make the swap. luckily the man let them go. my dad was saying at that moment in time he felt his life was just worth a hundred dollars and that the other guy could care less what happened next.

as they pressed on to reach the border my dad said he felt dead inside. no feeling what so ever. literally as if his life flashed before his eyes. he said no matter what until this drug war and corruption continues he would not return; until it is fixed. by the looks of things doen’t look like it will be stopping anytime soon. as soon as they hit american soil was when he felt alive again. we were on protected and safe soil. with great appreciation of cops and other s who serve, he know saw why we our such a great country.

my mom was saying what would happen if it did actually happen. but instead i swayed her mind from thinking like that and know there is a higher power that can protect with some faith. i didn’t know whether to me sad or angry at what happened but all i know is that i had the biggest epiphanies this weekend due to everything that happened this weekend. there are other missing parts to this story but i am choosing to leave them out. it makes me angry at what they are doing., hurting innocent people for a few extra bucks in their pocket tax free. there is more i would like to say but can’t.

some things will be looked into because of my epiphanies, let’s just see what happens. i am extremely tired and i wish everyone stays safe. have a good night and dream happy dreams.

O_o

was at a funeral today and of course was late for it because I had to take a math test and after that head there asap. we were there for a bit and even though I was wearing sunglasses I could see my dad and saw the tears in his eyes and couldn’t help but to feel my eyes water because I can’t bare to see my dad or mom hurt. my older brother called and needed my help and booked it to Austin, since what he needed hadn’t arrived and decided to head out and try out the new light rail installed by the house and took a quick gander. we were lost-ish and decided to head back home and walked around downtown to find something to eat. we took a quick trip to walmart and grabbed some snacks and arrived back home to relax.

to trying to relax O_o

while on my busy adventure this morning, I received a text from a friend saying that they needed to tell me something and called me and dropped the BOMB on me!!!!!! we went way back, we met when I moved to Austin about 2 years ago and we became really good friends, helped me out through some things and helped them out too. she told me they were moving to Las Vegas with family because the dad got a good job opportunity up there and wanted to say farewell before they would be gone for a really long time and would not be able to return. the family is taking off and driving tomorrow morning to reach Vegas by Monday (Memorial Day). I quickly grabbed some clothes and threw it in a travel bag and mentioned to my folks and older brother that I was heading up here (Austin) to visit them, a bunch of friends that are going are closest of closest of friends, I was considered a good good friend because I couldn’t always be there. I know how difficult it can be to get through a few things like a loss in the family who was very dear and close. I considered her like a sister I never had and could talk too and trust them with pointers they gave me to help out with situations in life. it will be sad to see you go, but I am here now to say my goodbyes and farewells, I drove all this to see you go. the friendship will never be forgotten, just wished I would have known sooner to prep for the BOOM in the face when you told me. sad day. I wish you the best  and since you are moving don’t stop taking care of yourself like you always have.

your good good friend O_o

I am sorry, I do not understand why this thing keeps showing up, I saw it last night, never been close but so far, I keep trying to chin up but I sometimes space out and think. think about how you are doing and holding up, I miss the back and forth, its been a few days and just see the stream trickle down and not sure what to do, whether I can or not? I want too really bad, but I am not sure if it will resend. if you feel the same can you please let me know.

to un-not talking O_o

I never thought this would happen to me, you sprung this on me real quick, I was expecting something good to come of this, it will be hard to fully heal. I know I said I didn’t know what I was feeling at the time, I ruled out everything possible, I am not angry because you were good to me, I am not happy because this happened all so fast and was broadsided by it, I am sad and hurt this had to happen to me when I thought everything was going well, I left space because I thought you needed it from working so hard at everything you do. I know I can’t force you to love me, that is something that has to be found about oneself within oneself. like you said it was better for you to figure it out now then later on where it could have been really worse. you have taught and told me a lot and will use everything and I will take it all to heart. no matter this turn out, you were there for me when I needed you the most. I will heal … ONE DAY and as for now, all I can do try and heal from this. it’s been said “let love go and if it returns it was meant to be.” I have no hard feelings and no animosity against you. I will one day be your friend again, just need some time to heal; that is if you will still let me? you are and will always be my true 1st, I will never forget the time we spent together. I LOVE YOU VERONICA.

LOVE, Orlando

while asleep I kept waking up in sweats, it felt as if my heart was trying to escape my chest but I was able to calm it down and fell back asleep. it happened four times within hours of each other. it was frightening. I awoke up a little later then expect and got ready for work and headed there. everything that could go wrong did, skipped bfast and lunch, arrived late-ish, got several cuts and bumps here and there. it seems that everyone was not having a good day, my pops, contractor, owner, etc. I blame the weather!!! since the sun isn’t out, peoples vitamin levels are low. I survived & found out it could have been a lot worse. but the day got better once we left the job site. its starting to be a good night too.

to a better day O_o

what people don’t know wont hurt them, right?! WRONG!!!!! On 4/20/2010 it mark a Special Day and a Horrific Day for ME, the special day was a 6 monthsary (month + anniversary) of being together with –SomeOneSpecial– and had constant reminders and epiphanies about how life is, that many few people know of me, a stupid, reckless, careless, nieve, old persona I USED too be and in that horrific day marked 6 years of me being in a “state” I wish no one would endure for any reason what so ever, it was a scary time for me and it changed me to the person YOU know today and knew/know nothing of my past.

“my only weakness is you,

only reason is you,

every minute with you

I feel like I can do anything,

you changed my whole life”

This is a dreadful day for me because it always reminds me of a “what if” moment, it only happens once a year and frightens me EVERY TIME but I am SUPER glad I was able to keep constant reminder of what is more important to me and you brought me back to reality and not to dwell on the past because it would bring me down. There is NO more down, all I see is up, Up, UP! Thank You. I’m not sure if you/anyone will understand this.

O_o