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Tag Archives: paranoid

what a day. i am exhausted. i kept waking up last night after every ninety minutes, it was just for a brief minute or two then fell back asleep. i think it was from being paranoid and all the crazy new i had heard from yesterday. i was once told “you can not un-know something.” with yesterday i think i was inspired to really work harder in everything i do. i sometimes wonder why bad things happen to us when we do no wrong to others. but those are just brief moments when i have time to think. lately i have been really busy. school and work is taking over my life now. i am awaiting a very important phone call. i think i was called but i never answer a unknown number. if you want me to answer just show your number, i will be more then happy to answer. i know what is nearing, i have been overwhelmed with so many things that i have come to realize that i do miss quite a few things in my life, not to mention the dreams i have had; they continue and always surprise me in the morning. i know it sucks because i had everything i ever wanted. i know they say the heart wants what the heart wants. i know what i want but can’t have it. i have tried ever so much. i do not know what to do anymore. i miss you like crazy. i have never said anything until now. done with home work for now. time to get some rest. tomorrow is another long day. stay safe. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

agua O_o

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last night, well really this morning was crazy, fell asleep early last night without saying anything and woke up in the middle of the night with a crazy sound. sounded like bats fighting or something not so happy. wasn’t cats, dogs or birds because i know what that sounds like. it was around five in the morning when i heard it and of course tumbler heard it to and that proved that it wasn’t my imagination or dream. what sucked too was i was in the middle of a good dream but that’s another story for another day. well lately tumbler (my dog for those who read this and don’t know who that might be…lol) has been way over protective, i read a horoscope on dogs (don’t ask why) and it said he would be getting a stronger bond with his owner. it’s not the protection where you can’t get near us but when me and my brother or aunt play around he get in between us and tries to protect me by barking at them. i feel a great sense of security when he is with me for some reason, but those who know me know i am very paranoid about certain things, what ever the case may be, i know the problem but am trying to slowly overcome it. as the day continued i was left home alone while my brother was still sleeping and he heard a car approach, i didn’t because i was listen to music with my earphones and about thirty seconds later he heard the door open and began barking very loudly… he scared me half to death but it was just my cousin wanting to know some info on his car. with each day me and him are getting to exercise outside, even though it may be playing catch or just running wild; i feel beter, well my heart does, it doesn’t feel all slow and weak when it’s working like it did way back in the day, i figured out that even though i gave up fast food, i sneak a chicken sandwich about once a week when i have a huge craving, i do need my fatty acids too lol, but have not felt the urge to eat red meat, i think i can fully commit to becoming a vegetarian but as long as i still have my chicken and fish. maybe after many times i can get where i want to be. in conclusion here is to challenge number one for me and on to continuing step one and starting step two tomorrow.

to my being O_o

that was the most intriguing events I had ever seen, spoke out super loud. what I thought the moral of the show was about CHOICE. “yes or no? in or out? live or die? hero or coward? fight or give up? everyday are made up of choices.” during the show a few people were shot, with me knowing what I know about a situation like this, it is nothing compared to the real thing. it got me thinking, had I made the right choice in getting out at the right time to where I wouldn’t be put in that situation. I have seen too much and have been through too much to know what I want and that is to protect my life and others who care about my life. it is a scary and motionless thing to think about it. I know I am going for a “safer” path but I know everywhere we are we are not safe. I just try to be preventative and stay positive but I know my paranoia takes a big part of me.

paranod O_o

I found out something about me that I have only dreamed of telling someone if it was a problem or if it was just paranoia. come to realize that Fiesta and large groups of people frighten me for the extent that in this world I can only control one thing, that one thing is…ME! I can’t control every situation but I can sure prevent something bad from happening when I value life too preciously to have someone else ruin it for me at the blink of an eye or by surprise. I will ONE DAY overcome this fear/paranoia. It is the best I can do…FOR NOW.

O_o