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today has been a wake up call above all other things. all happened during work. what i did was nothing compared to what i have done before, i was able to sit in with a few families and saw how things could possibly take a turn for the worse. i could relate to some of the things going on but some of the other things i couldn’t relate too. i was sort of shocked of what was told to me by strangers i have never met before. everyone beat around the bush and said i looked liked a trustworthy person and that’s why they were able to talk to someone like me. with the confidentiality agreement i had signed i was to report any harmful actions to one self or others. luckily what i was told wasn’t life threatening, it was mostly just a cry to be heard. some of the stories were a little tough to hear but it got me thinking that if i can possibly fix my problems i would be open to help others who are going through some of the little things i was and have been struggling with. i got to talking and listening to one case, wow did i feel bad for the kid, the parent wasn’t making an attempt but the child wanted to better themselves and the parent was just being ignorant that it made the child feel embarrassed to say the least. i did all in my power that i could today and felt like i made a difference in their lives and possibly the parents. as i got home i just wanted to rest but knew i couldn’t. stuff had to get done. as i ended up being done my parents were over and started cooking. i like having family dinners. i really do enjoy them, we are a lively crowd of crazy people, in my thoughts; well maybe as others see us too. lol. who knows?! i am getting to tired to keep writing. stay safe. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

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today was a busy day to say the least. i was up in time for school got ready for work at the same time and headed to school. the professor was late. while we waited a classmate who had never acknowledge anyone started talking with me. i was dressed up according to what work wanted me to wear. he wanted to know if i worked for a company because i had my identification card in the shirt pocket and i told him no, i let him know where i work but couldn’t discuss anymore because of the privacy forms i was give to sign about not releasing any information about the clients and also a confidentiality contract. moments later the professor arrived, even after being five minutes late opening the door he takes off to his office and five minutes later he returns. while we; the remaining students, were thinking he would start on the lecture, he went on another ten minute rant about other non-related material. everyone was kind of frustrated or agitated that he took and is taking forever to start on the lecture. after school i had to come home to take out tumbler to do his business, i got my paperwork and other materials i needed for work.

i headed to work. today i was taught how to log into the main system and because the boss was not there; i wasn’t going to get a username and password to the system just yet. i did have many case loads to follow up on and a few files that i had to find and send and refile. as the day was going my coworkers started to open up and i got to know more of how they are. they’re funny at times but when it is time to work they buckle down and get serious about there job. i like that kind of atmosphere. tomorrow is another busy day of files and letters and more papers. i can’t really discuss too much about some of the things i do because of some legal actions that have happend in the past and a confidentiality contract that limits me on what i can say and actually talk about. some people bring their work home with them, i can’t. i am liable and i am watched very closely. i think some of the stories told to me are bizarre but i think they actually happened but are exaggerated a little to seem better for a story teller. like i have heard and read before that “lies are easier to remember then the truth.” i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today was…well, a pushy day, i had to push through everything to stay on task; like turn off my computer and put phone away. hide myself from the world for a few hours to get notes read and readings done for my test tomorrow. my brain is a little worn out right now and my body feels it. i feel drained. it amazes me that the readings are right. couldn’t believe it but now i do. think i will keep reading them. the study group went alright, i really wish there were more coffee shops that were open everyday, twenty four seven. make me miss bennu. on top of worrying about the test i had a big scare with tumbler, he was being lazy and was lethargic all day, he wasn’t eating and wouldn’t get up and i though he might be getting parvo again, but no vomiting this time. thank god. my dad-like qualities came out, i tried everything to get him better. i am glad to report that he is doing better and my worry is gone from him now and shifted back to my test. hope everyone had a good sunday, i tried too. the week is over and now time to start a new week. it will be a very busy week for me, i will be up and down the city.still have lots to do. i wish everyone a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

been practicing one of my lost art these past couple of days with everyone i speak with, most of the people who don’t understand look at me strange but i know that as long as i know i have been speaking it for a long time now but nobody knows that. people see my family and see what they want to see. when we are all together we roll in six strong, bros, aunt, mom, dad and me. been thinking these past couple of days, i told myself it was my turn; and for the most part it has but i still haven’t figured somethings out. i can’t ask my family for help but the person i can ask is … me! i need to figure out everything before it gets too late, it feels like my drive is on cruise at a high rate of speed, i used to be careless about things but i have looked at what has happend and i have become more careful with everything. not sure why. pretty soon i think around here is going to start feeling like it did before. even though i had everything, i didn’t have anything. i have accepted i am a fuck up and have issues to deal with but we all have them. i think as long as i can fix one at a time i will be fine, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but maybe soon. i can’t keep too much bottled up because if i do i know i will shut down and i will go nuclear. i don’t want that to happen. i am optimistic and that’s what make me, well, me. maybe a tweak here and there but i like who i am. in conclusion i guess i just need to open up, haven’t spoke to anyone about what’s swirling around but a white screen that i can enter text into. i know talking is better but there are just moments i can’t even open my mouth too.

one more time O_o

today was a success, woke up a little late but got done with what i needed to do! even though it took me forever and a day to finish, i am glad to say that i completed something successfully and passed. feels great, i had to shut out everything though with my earphones, but i got it done and with some time to spare too. with the extra time i had available to me i was able to move a lot of text over from one place to another, deleted my myspace page, continue reading a big book, download some music and catch up on some tv episodes that i had previously missed. i was only able to do that because i wanted to “reward” myself for doing something that would help me out. i am not going to lie, it has always been difficult for me to apply myself at something and let alone be successful at it too. but in a way i am very proud of myself for following through. there are aspects that i lack, i know this, i have figured them out for the most part, i think there are more and that there are hidden aspects i soon to discover about myself  in the future. but this feeling i have right now feels good, in a way a parallel feeling to which i had a times back. i remembered the feeling, feels like a second high without actually being on any kind of substance. in conclusion i think my brain is open up for new material to learn.

to a new milestone O_o