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The wheels are spinning and spinning. Where they spin I have not decided.

O_o

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i woke up this morning with hiccups, i know how they happen but its probably been ages since i have had them. i am almost over this sinus build up i have acquired these past couple of days and when i woke up, i was in the weirdest mood. don’t know how to explain it but at best i can describe it as blank, no feeling, no thinking and no daydreaming. i normally do that several times a day, but not today. could it have been from concentrating on christmas and new years around the corner or could have the lunar eclipse had anything to do with it? it was lunar and the moon does control the waves in the ocean and the best thing that calms me down is water. even though i had a to do list on my hands i found other random stuff i had to do and made my list longer. tomorrow there the last minute thing i must do. enough of my rambling i am getting cold and when i get cold i tend to start falling asleep; which is happening now as i keep typing. i hope all had a great day! time for me to hibernate. lol. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

had a productive day today even though i had woken up from almost being asleep for thirteen hours. i was able to finish a few more reports today. since it was cool outside and i needed to drop off some books at the library, i went to the dog park downtown with tumbler and walked to the library to get some fresh air and drop off the books. on our way back we spent a little more time at the park and my parents called and asked me to meet them for dinner. we went home and i got ready to go meet them. we had our dinner and talked, i was joking with my mom that i wasn’t going to go into school because i didn’t feel like it and she told my dad and my dad was twenty-one questioning me, what was really going on was that i don’t have class because of finals but i neglected to let them know that part. i started on my next report and got half way through it. it is kind of late and i am getting sleepy, going to call it a night. hope all had a good day. stay safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

wow! really?! that has got to be one of the most frequent things i have been hearing about myself from others lately. i am too nice! was talking with some old friends today and have found out that; for the fourth and fifth time now; that i am a nice person. it seems to be portrayed as a bad thing. when can i show the world that good does still exist in this world and it’s a good thing?! really guys. c’mon! i couldn’t believe my ears. is being “bad” a good thing?! i live my life “safe” as some people believe to be a bad thing; for the reason that i have been through hell and back. for those who know me and my family know best; very few people actually do. i became the person you know today for personal reasons that i didn’t want to end up like a few, well many close relatives i know. it is a tragedy. breaks people’s hearts, especially even if one day you know you will one day get that phone call when something bad has happened or worse. is it wrong that a few beliefs i have can be appreciated by some, and not by all. but then again; it is my life! i am in no way saying i am perfect because i am not but still, live my life with morals to one day show others that not all we do can be a stigma and carry on with our legacy. i don’t know whether to be angry or disappointed. but after hearing it five times from different people, it astonishes me; really! i guess people’s perception of good is actually bad. wow! i really can’t believe it. even after this i still hope everyone has a great night. deuce.

por siempre O_o

while on my second run i began think, am i doing the right thing? even though this internship is easy i am feeling it is wrong all at the same time. yes it is an internship but on the other hand it has nothing to do with my profession. i thought it to be at first. but now i’m not so sure. i been told not to waste time because it will be difficult to catch up. as true as it may be that and among other things have been racing through one half of my brain and as far as the other half it is on this huge quiz i have been dreading. even if i could stop time i think it is way too much information for a quiz but i was able to attend a online study session that helped some. i do hope i don’t forget any small details that i really need to know. as far as today did what and maybe more then i needed too but can’t worry about that too much, need all my focus on school for the next ten hours. i hope all had a great day, it is time for me to sign off and sleep. have a wonderful night and sweet dreams.

con mucho carino O_o

what a day today has been! got up for school, was slightly lazy getting ready and cost me some time. made it to school on time right when my professor did too. learned a lot of new stuff, stuff i didn’t even know from way back in the day. lol. after school went strait to work. got out and was kind of tired of seeing books but i had to stay off the computer and get to work. doing my homework, that is. got my readings done, took some notes and listened to my recordings of class in case i didn’t miss anything. ;o] i am here now trying to type this out quickly just in case i fall asleep early; which all signs are pointing to yes. i feel exhausted and tired; i guess that’s how life really is. might as well start getting used to it because i am no where near being done. hope all had a good day, i am fine now, i think. have a wonderful night and sweet dreams.

O_o

look here! no matter how many times you call, text, email or even want to talk to me. it will never happen and you will never ever get a response back from me unless it is to tell you that i am putting a restraining order into effect. how could you do what you did and try to apologize for it now. if what you said was your word, why didn’t you stick to it. i knew one day this day would come, karma is a bitch and if it coming back to you ten fold go cry to the guy you cheated & left me for. like i told you before, leave me alone and live your own life. quit trying to interfere with mine. oh and secondly i still stand by i never want to see you, talk to you or ever hear from you ever again. i don’t know how i did not ever see it. you slipped up and got caught. who’s fault is that. not mine for damn sure. if this wasn’t as clear as can be; i dont know what ever will be for you. good bye. and thanks for ruining my afternoon. guess today is unlucky for a reason.

to a much needed venting O_o

this is what was thrown at me today and couldn’t be more true. “Your attention is likely to be focused on financial matters and trying to make a better life for yourself, but you may be involved in a clash of ideals as to what constitutes a ‘better life.’ You need to be sure not to pick bits of this and bits of that from different causes to try to support your position; trust in your integrity and your intuition, and that way you’ll find your own words and stand for your own ideals.” I do hate to say it but they are right, I feel some days that I am under-appreciated for all that I do and get no acknowledgement for what I do, a simple thank you would be in order. but NO! I always get the shaft on everything I do. I ask for one little favor when more then a few have been requested and what I get is a complain or a non-follow through putting the blame on someone or something else. I know that the guilt will kick in and it will over power the emotions. if the favor would have been taken care of like asked and not altered because you HAD to be somewhere and can’t take into consideration that I cleared my schedule to go get your things. I have never asked for any favors, but when I do I get no end result. who does that?! i don’t want to be an asshole brother and say no and make you do it but have a little consideration for the future. that’s all I ask. in conclusion it looks like I will have to make my life more difficult and take matters into my own two hands, I hate too but that is what it is pushing towards.

truth hurts O_o

today begins the hardest road of my life, recently I have been skipping the morning and noon time to indulge myself. I have been finding to smell of all food disgusting and the sight of food gross. also have not been feeling well after eating red meat but other food (poultry or seafood) have no effect on me at all, analyzing it more; me of all people turning down some food, when I would usually say any food i eat “fills the cracks of the heart.” I began thinking while working that all I need to survive is water, but how long can I go on for without food?! everyone keeps asking what is wrong with me, if I knew I would tell them. I think now that I am hard at work and busting my tail and breaking a sweat I am releasing all my bad things in my body and dropping weight, I have already dropped a waist size and 7 pounds in water weight. I am liking the dropping of the weight because it makes me feel better (mentally & physically) but not liking that I can not eat when I should be. it scares me that I could possibly have something wrong (heart, diabetes or stomach problem) with me. I have been in a nutrition class and give others advice on how to eat BUT TODAY MAY 17, 2010 MARKS THE DAY OF CHANGE (also marks 3 months after my birthday; that is irrelevant), it is my turn to have the ridicule STOP dead in its tracks because looking in the mirror everyday is getting to be a spiteful thing. I now want my health to be good, a good health brings good fortune and good waves of energy. I want to live a long, healthy and prosperous life like all the successful beings out there.

here is to CHANGE & LIVING O_o