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Tag Archives: myself

i have been asked what i want for christmas several times this whole week and my answer keeps to continue to be the same. what i really want can’t be bought. i don’t need anything because i have everything. this year i am not going to want anything. there are a few things i would like but for someone to get me them would probably break the bank, i don’t want that to happen, so i will wait till i can gather enough money to buy them on my own. something as small as a keychain would suffice for me. today was way better then yesterday, my parents had to go out of town again to see my uncle and drop stuff off. it kept me worried for the moment until i received a text saying everything went well and were safely on their way back home. once they did arrive i was happy again. i just stayed in watching weeds with my older brother and had my coffee in the afternoon because i didn’t have it in the morning. i am sleepy for some reason already and it is early. hope all have a safe night. good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

 

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time to wrap it up now, i cut myself off cold turkey from the social world to get things done, it did help, today everything is riding on getting my project turned in tomorrow. i am just hoping for a good grade, above all i have never withdrawn from a class and i wonder if staying was a good thing, the only thing that worries me is getting everything turned in. had way better days then today, something was off today, not sure what it was but i am certain something was off. time to sleep. i will get back to the social world tomorrow. i do miss it but i had to get things done and needed to take drastic measures if not i would have not been able to stay focused. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

today was my “half birthday” only a few people know exactly what i am talking about but they’re not here with us to celebrate. i found out that i am eight thousand five hundred and eighty two days old. that is a long time! that is a different story but now onto what got my day going, i got to reading; reading something i probably shouldn’t have. and then it started! it started to make me think, the kind of thinking that you never forget and the thought just keeps swirling in your head and you can’t stop thinking about it. when they say read the fine print, read it! i made a fool of myself at the window the other day, until now it is hitting me that i need to read every document given to me, word for word and not skip over and signing it and just turning it in; like i would normally do. i was told many moons ago that when you sign a document it becomes a legal document and are responsible for it until it is put into a file. with that, it has taken me a day to read and reread this document before i sign and turn it in. i am a couple days away from the biggest day of my life to begin and the more it nears; the more anxious i am getting, whether i get in or not. continue to stay tuned to see what will happen. lol.

anxious O_o

i guess something so small can not be depended on, someone ask and i follow through, why can it never be the other way, always has to be an excuse! blaming it on the weather, please, i driven in worse and i just finished driving through hell and back, took me 4 hours just one way, don’t know why this task has to be so difficult. i do everything, but looks like i can’t depend on anyone anymore to do anything for me and must do it all myself. guess i will have to start getting used too. i am not doing anymore favors. i don’t get anything but the shaft end of the stick. i am mad now but will get over it later. putting my troubles off to the side to concentrate on the real task at hand.

to needing to venting O_o

been busy all day, for some reason have felt super in myself, like I am figuring myself from the inside out. while I was eating found some beads and some string and thought I would do something beyond my control. it doesn’t mean that I want to change religion, but I do like how buddhist are at peace with oneself and their surrounding (ex. nature, elements, etc.) which is what I have felt like these past couple of days, on a side note it is not that I am being anti-social staying away from the computer as much as possible unless if I really need it for school work. looked somethings up while I was filling out some problems and entering them in my homework section of my online class and stumbled across this;

“oneness of life and light, entrusting in your great compassion, may you shed the foolishness in myself, transforming me into a conduit of love…” – buddhism

what is strange about this is that many people in my life have mentioned to me that I look like and resemble a buddah statue. i took a little bit of spare time and made a mala (buddah prayer beads) it is black onyx which I am finding to be that it resembles and feels powerful. but in conclusion I am just looking into something new. spiritually. emotionally. and physically.

to new discoveries O_o