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Tag Archives: long

how much is too much? there is information one can’t un-know or un-see. part of me tell me he will come out okay and everything will be fine and the other half of me thinks that if it comes to the worse, it would be best to let go and wish for the best. i don’t really know if i am being selfish but it is in your hands now. whatever decision you make will be okay with me as long as i am able to say goodbye.

O_o

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i was able to get a few things done today, not all i wanted but i did wake up sort of late. when my room is cold i tend to hibernate a bit longer then usual. when i knew what time it really was i got up and threw on a pot of coffee to start my day and went to work. and worked i did. papers, reports, time sheets, calculations, cleaning, laundry and what ever else i missed writing. it has been a a rolling kind of day, everything just rolled into place and when one was done and rolled onto the next thing. i think i just about went through every favorite song that i liked, so many brought memories; great ones at that; others kind of got me in the mood to pump my fist in the air silently. i just got to wait for what tomorrow brings. it is time for me to get some rest. i hope all had a good day. be safe. good night, sleep well and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

why do i feel like this? just driving, i can’t believe it. the last time was; well, a long time ago.

O_o

[this is how you would not start a paper, but this is how I was taught to try to put emphasis on something, enjoy.]

Define: EPIPHANY? according to to dictionaries epiphany is defined as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. it also is usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight. well; while spending time with the family seemed like the right thing to today, there was a conversation about close relatives and the tone of voice that was used was very strong and powerful, when it hits me like a red school-like building crumbling on top of me that my family was throwing subconscious puns at me even though I was not involved in the situation.

when I visited my family several days ago they continued the ridicule and mocking that I never liked before, it felt as if my dignity was being stripped from me and being shown to everyone who I really was not and they assumed since I am “blood family” that I was becoming like them, in any way possible. I choose and was taught a better life to not be like “them,” I DO NOT want the things they have … yet! I need to continue doing what I need to do to get ahead. it is very hard work and will continue every single waking day of my life and from that am determined to succeed NO MATTER WHAT!!!

well with that floating in a mushy, grey, jello like substance above the eyes I came to the realization that I think I understand what happened several days ago. this was like seeing what I should have seen, everything became clearer and window clearer; I could be wrong but let me know otherwise. I think you think I am independent and on my feet and am the person I am today because was shown to be this way, I am like half-and-half milk, I know much but not everything, I would like too but if I am not shown I can not learn. people quote to “follow your heart and your mind will follow” well why can’t it be the other way around?

because scientifically speaking the heart is an organ that helps pump blood through the body where the mind; as beautiful as can be, is a state of mind where information is stored and saved away for a “rainy day,” In a dream, I continue to see smiles, laughs, and meets eye to eye with me. I awake knowing that it was a dream and if it could be like other dreams that have been events of premonitions and become a deja vu feeling that would be the most uplifting and grateful thing. I know you want to reach that “state,” everyone wants too; yes, even me! I know it was the hardest thing you had to do, but if you say it needed to happen for you to reach that “state,” let it be.

I am taking a wild guess and think you think that you may miss out on what eles is out there if this were to settle. I realized after hearing my folks everyone needs to stop telling me how to run my life and for me to take initiative and do what I think is the right thing to do. I think we are in the same part of the boat, but I just reached the same part with your help. you probably will not take credit for when I tell you, you have taught me from your doing. yes it is a hard thing to accept, I think I understand a little bit more of what you are thinking. how I never saw it that way is puzzling to me. I would like to know what you might be afraid to tell me.

the days feel like they are all the same and not being days but mini portions of events that are making things worse in my head. I just have to get some courage and I could find out what I need to, maybe a lot more, which I do hope for. that is not my decision to make.

to liking to know O_o