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Well the day has finally come. I passed all my exams and was cleared for surgurey next week. I have been dreading this moment but now it looks as if it’s written in black and white in the appointment book. I am nervous yet excited to know that after this I don’t have to worry any more and can rest easier.

whatever happens O_o

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how much is too much? there is information one can’t un-know or un-see. part of me tell me he will come out okay and everything will be fine and the other half of me thinks that if it comes to the worse, it would be best to let go and wish for the best. i don’t really know if i am being selfish but it is in your hands now. whatever decision you make will be okay with me as long as i am able to say goodbye.

O_o

i don’t want to be mean but some people need to know what to say before they speak. i know you folks are misinformed but look it up. what i study shall not be brought up during work, especially when the boss is around. that is termination talk. i know you probably got mad when i wouldn’t explain myself, but what i do is my business. my religion has nothing to do with it, i told you as much as i wanted to so you could think about it and if you are interested you will look it up online.

on another not the semester is coming near a halt. i don’t know what i should do but i do know how to get there. as crazy as that sounds. i feel like just curling up in a dark room to see what happens. i have worked hard but what i really want is to work full time with what i have learned. i like working, i do not slack, i press on even though i am there fo a short period of time. i know what i was put on this earth to do. yes i figured it out mom and dad all by myself. there is one thing i am waiting for and i wish you would say it.

i have had to many things blow through my brain today. i wanted to relax and after work my parents wanted me to get them the third toy story, it was sad but really good. made me think a lot more after the movie. started looking for my journal and i found something, i had forgotten about it but not sure how to go at it. i wrote the few ideas down, if they work, they work! if they don’t then i will modify them until they do work. it is time to sleep, hope all had a good day. may you have a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today has been a wake up call above all other things. all happened during work. what i did was nothing compared to what i have done before, i was able to sit in with a few families and saw how things could possibly take a turn for the worse. i could relate to some of the things going on but some of the other things i couldn’t relate too. i was sort of shocked of what was told to me by strangers i have never met before. everyone beat around the bush and said i looked liked a trustworthy person and that’s why they were able to talk to someone like me. with the confidentiality agreement i had signed i was to report any harmful actions to one self or others. luckily what i was told wasn’t life threatening, it was mostly just a cry to be heard. some of the stories were a little tough to hear but it got me thinking that if i can possibly fix my problems i would be open to help others who are going through some of the little things i was and have been struggling with. i got to talking and listening to one case, wow did i feel bad for the kid, the parent wasn’t making an attempt but the child wanted to better themselves and the parent was just being ignorant that it made the child feel embarrassed to say the least. i did all in my power that i could today and felt like i made a difference in their lives and possibly the parents. as i got home i just wanted to rest but knew i couldn’t. stuff had to get done. as i ended up being done my parents were over and started cooking. i like having family dinners. i really do enjoy them, we are a lively crowd of crazy people, in my thoughts; well maybe as others see us too. lol. who knows?! i am getting to tired to keep writing. stay safe. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

what a change of events today has been. i woke up really early thinking i was going to be late for class when i looked at my phone clock i had just remembered then that i had forgotten to change that one and was able to slow down my heart from racing. while on the way to school i took my normal route when all of a sudden there was a ton of traffic. i was still able to make it to school on time, which i was glad for. just as i had sat down at my desk four classmates had asked me what we had done last thursday. i think they asked because they have always seen me takes notes while they text and talk with each other during class. we were finally going over what i had been waiting since last class for. got to talk about buddha. with my recent change in views because of buddhist views on life i just stayed there quiet in my seat while the professor asked questions about him. but also in my defense i could’t multitask and answer the question and write the notes. i didn’t want to lose my train of thought. after school i headed off to work and did what was asked without hesitation. i am actually content with what i am doing. i could be making a bigger difference in the world, i just wont know until i see it. after work i get home and i am called from beneath the house and someone yelling at me to shut off the water valve. apparently twenty five years after a pipe was installed it finally gave in and burst. we caught it just in time before it flooded under the house. changed out of my work clothes and hopped into something more older that i could throw away later after getting dirty. well long story short after visiting four stores and five hours later i was finally able to fix the flooding from under the house from happening. i will have to transfer my notes later tomorrow during work and have them ready for next class. just got done getting ready for bed and going to have a light snack since i skipped dinner. i hope all had a way better day. for now; good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

 

what an awakening dream, how true can it be? most dreams are brought on by waking life. but i couldn’t distinguish if it was a dream or a premonition; it was very real. i could touch, feel and smell. i didn’t quite understand what was happening i the background but once you know something you can’t un-know it and as far as the other dream. it was awesome, every moment of it. i really hope that one does come true.

O_o

 

i knew when i woke up this morning today would not be easy, sure enough it wasn’t. class was the only easy part of my day it was just note taking, well not very many since the professor got sidetracked and carried on about one thing to the next, i think he might possibly have an attention disorder or since it’s his last semester, he doesn’t care. after school i headed home, checked my online assignment and profesor posted we are having a take home quiz due by midnight of tomorrow and a pop test, she called it a pop test because she never mentioned anything in class about it and if you don’t check your online page it is a surprise for the next time you come into class. didn’t have time to study then because i had a long day of people to meet and files and letters to write. work went better then expected, i was able to finish up early but was given a second assignment, took me a little longer then expected. got home and now studying. i hope this test is easy but i will find out tomorrow. going to continue studying but it looks like i may be going to sleep. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today was just another day just like any other, except for the part where our professor dropped the research bomb on us and it is due in twenty days. i have to write a five page paper on my topic on a canyon. in the americas dated way back in time. on top of that i need a cover, map, five pictures and a works cited page. she is expecting us to turn in a book. lol. went to work after class. i was surprised because i woke up really early and got everything i needed without being in a slight rush. i also had a few minutes that i added some quotes i stumbled upon from checking out some books the other day. i have three that i need to get started on but might have to wait since i will have to write my own book. while at work everyone is starting to getting to know me better, they more people are asking me; since i am young, if there are tips to get things done faster on the computer, it is fun talking but it is strange that they don’t know when i try to explain. looks like not just when your young you need help, it apparently ranges from all ages. after work i took a power nap, was rejuvenated enough to begin searching on some of the research. it is a lot of information for on just one topic. i sort of am already trying to figure out what i will say when i present. that part will be fun. i will have a slideshow and other stuff that will blow everyone out the water, i hope. i think i have handled just about enough of my research for one day. got some good information and some not so good. sorting begins soon. i hope all had a better day. good night and sweet dreams.

sueno O_o

i know i will see you again. on this side or the other.

O_o

what a day. i am exhausted. i kept waking up last night after every ninety minutes, it was just for a brief minute or two then fell back asleep. i think it was from being paranoid and all the crazy new i had heard from yesterday. i was once told “you can not un-know something.” with yesterday i think i was inspired to really work harder in everything i do. i sometimes wonder why bad things happen to us when we do no wrong to others. but those are just brief moments when i have time to think. lately i have been really busy. school and work is taking over my life now. i am awaiting a very important phone call. i think i was called but i never answer a unknown number. if you want me to answer just show your number, i will be more then happy to answer. i know what is nearing, i have been overwhelmed with so many things that i have come to realize that i do miss quite a few things in my life, not to mention the dreams i have had; they continue and always surprise me in the morning. i know it sucks because i had everything i ever wanted. i know they say the heart wants what the heart wants. i know what i want but can’t have it. i have tried ever so much. i do not know what to do anymore. i miss you like crazy. i have never said anything until now. done with home work for now. time to get some rest. tomorrow is another long day. stay safe. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

agua O_o

taking a quick break from doing my homework, today was suppose to be about getting stuff done, I am getting stuff that I needed to do now, it is a bit late but have to read and work. work. work. work. I now know that when you said you were tired, i can honestly say now that i know how you feel. it is tough and getting tougher everyday. i hope to have strength enough to get this done. in conclusion, i know it is tough and need every bit of inspiration.

to getting some inspiration O_o

[this is how you would not start a paper, but this is how I was taught to try to put emphasis on something, enjoy.]

Define: EPIPHANY? according to to dictionaries epiphany is defined as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. it also is usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight. well; while spending time with the family seemed like the right thing to today, there was a conversation about close relatives and the tone of voice that was used was very strong and powerful, when it hits me like a red school-like building crumbling on top of me that my family was throwing subconscious puns at me even though I was not involved in the situation.

when I visited my family several days ago they continued the ridicule and mocking that I never liked before, it felt as if my dignity was being stripped from me and being shown to everyone who I really was not and they assumed since I am “blood family” that I was becoming like them, in any way possible. I choose and was taught a better life to not be like “them,” I DO NOT want the things they have … yet! I need to continue doing what I need to do to get ahead. it is very hard work and will continue every single waking day of my life and from that am determined to succeed NO MATTER WHAT!!!

well with that floating in a mushy, grey, jello like substance above the eyes I came to the realization that I think I understand what happened several days ago. this was like seeing what I should have seen, everything became clearer and window clearer; I could be wrong but let me know otherwise. I think you think I am independent and on my feet and am the person I am today because was shown to be this way, I am like half-and-half milk, I know much but not everything, I would like too but if I am not shown I can not learn. people quote to “follow your heart and your mind will follow” well why can’t it be the other way around?

because scientifically speaking the heart is an organ that helps pump blood through the body where the mind; as beautiful as can be, is a state of mind where information is stored and saved away for a “rainy day,” In a dream, I continue to see smiles, laughs, and meets eye to eye with me. I awake knowing that it was a dream and if it could be like other dreams that have been events of premonitions and become a deja vu feeling that would be the most uplifting and grateful thing. I know you want to reach that “state,” everyone wants too; yes, even me! I know it was the hardest thing you had to do, but if you say it needed to happen for you to reach that “state,” let it be.

I am taking a wild guess and think you think that you may miss out on what eles is out there if this were to settle. I realized after hearing my folks everyone needs to stop telling me how to run my life and for me to take initiative and do what I think is the right thing to do. I think we are in the same part of the boat, but I just reached the same part with your help. you probably will not take credit for when I tell you, you have taught me from your doing. yes it is a hard thing to accept, I think I understand a little bit more of what you are thinking. how I never saw it that way is puzzling to me. I would like to know what you might be afraid to tell me.

the days feel like they are all the same and not being days but mini portions of events that are making things worse in my head. I just have to get some courage and I could find out what I need to, maybe a lot more, which I do hope for. that is not my decision to make.

to liking to know O_o