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been practicing one of my lost art these past couple of days with everyone i speak with, most of the people who don’t understand look at me strange but i know that as long as i know i have been speaking it for a long time now but nobody knows that. people see my family and see what they want to see. when we are all together we roll in six strong, bros, aunt, mom, dad and me. been thinking these past couple of days, i told myself it was my turn; and for the most part it has but i still haven’t figured somethings out. i can’t ask my family for help but the person i can ask is … me! i need to figure out everything before it gets too late, it feels like my drive is on cruise at a high rate of speed, i used to be careless about things but i have looked at what has happend and i have become more careful with everything. not sure why. pretty soon i think around here is going to start feeling like it did before. even though i had everything, i didn’t have anything. i have accepted i am a fuck up and have issues to deal with but we all have them. i think as long as i can fix one at a time i will be fine, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but maybe soon. i can’t keep too much bottled up because if i do i know i will shut down and i will go nuclear. i don’t want that to happen. i am optimistic and that’s what make me, well, me. maybe a tweak here and there but i like who i am. in conclusion i guess i just need to open up, haven’t spoke to anyone about what’s swirling around but a white screen that i can enter text into. i know talking is better but there are just moments i can’t even open my mouth too.

one more time O_o

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was busy running errands and working on homework that I began listening to a music and became inspired, one of the lines made the most sense to me was “i got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me, i bring them to the light for you, it’s only right. this is the soundtrack to my life.” in this inspirational song i decided to take a break and go running in the park to make some room in my brain to continue and make sense of things, lots of things. now i am getting back to school, have been thinking and am possibly thinking of taking a Summer 2 spanish or history class that i still need to graduate instead of taking a 4 hour test and testing out of it where i still need a tad bit more help in. but i have a few more weeks to come up with a decision to test or class it, but will keep everyone posted on my judgement call. here i go again. on a side note also kept thinking that i don’t want to work while going to school because it will distract me from my studies. i have asked one person and he says too work. even though it is just an opinion, i would like anyone’s feed back if i should follow through with this or not, please, any advice will help? thanks. miss my friends.

to making a judgement call for my future O_o