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i kept thinking my weekend was already over but when i checked the calendar it was just beginning. when i woke up everyone was still sleeping, it was funny because they still partied during the night and all i had was two beers and a glass of champagne during the new years toast, the rest of the time friends kept bring me water. so glad i drank water instead. it was everyones recovery day, people didn’t want to get up out of bed or didn’t want to do anything. since i was the only one that was in good condition i made a few errands while in town. we later met up with a few friends for dinner and i had a energy drink where my hands and arms were still sore from trying to pump up the crowd. we are going to be headed home to rest before going to bed. good night and sweet dreams.

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i first off have to say happy new years everyone, twenty-ten was good to me and i hope twenty-eleven will grant me all the wishes i have ever asked for in the past. i need to thank everyone for inviting me and making the masquerade baller happen. it is early and i am already awake. i was surprised as most people were during the party, i was nervous for the whole day and was in need of some help, with a simple conversation i was finally able to calm down, thank for your help. going to head to breakfast and enjoy the new year. i meant everything i told you. have a great day. =)

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got a little bit of free time today to meet up with my friend and free up some overloaded brain cells. i still have a long way to go before i can officially rest. i am borderline about to have an anxiety break down. i skipped my running to try to get my work done. it helped a bit. but what isn’t helping are my wisdom teeth coming in and me having a headache because of it. it almost to the point where i would take some pliers and rip them out myself but the dentist already told me that if i mess with them and pull the main nerve, that it would hurt really bad. i am taking some pills to get rid of the pain for now and heading to bed, i have got my first final in the morning. i miss you folks. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

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been crazy busy and i am the coffee isn’t helping to keep me up, have gone just about everywhere in my head to reach the answers to write these reports. some are okay to write but the others are getting a bit more difficult when writers block is creeping up really slowly, i just feel it. got to get back to these reports for school and work. hope all had a good day. good night, be safe, sleep well and sweet dreams.

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today has been a wake up call above all other things. all happened during work. what i did was nothing compared to what i have done before, i was able to sit in with a few families and saw how things could possibly take a turn for the worse. i could relate to some of the things going on but some of the other things i couldn’t relate too. i was sort of shocked of what was told to me by strangers i have never met before. everyone beat around the bush and said i looked liked a trustworthy person and that’s why they were able to talk to someone like me. with the confidentiality agreement i had signed i was to report any harmful actions to one self or others. luckily what i was told wasn’t life threatening, it was mostly just a cry to be heard. some of the stories were a little tough to hear but it got me thinking that if i can possibly fix my problems i would be open to help others who are going through some of the little things i was and have been struggling with. i got to talking and listening to one case, wow did i feel bad for the kid, the parent wasn’t making an attempt but the child wanted to better themselves and the parent was just being ignorant that it made the child feel embarrassed to say the least. i did all in my power that i could today and felt like i made a difference in their lives and possibly the parents. as i got home i just wanted to rest but knew i couldn’t. stuff had to get done. as i ended up being done my parents were over and started cooking. i like having family dinners. i really do enjoy them, we are a lively crowd of crazy people, in my thoughts; well maybe as others see us too. lol. who knows?! i am getting to tired to keep writing. stay safe. good night and sweet dreams.

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what an adventurous day. this morning around five or six i woke up to a freezing body, the cold had really set in. i was covered up completely but still being motionless the would just rise and since we had no heater or fire me and my friend were cold. finally after trying to warm up i hoped out of the tent and started the fire. we were prohibited to start one because of the burn banned that was in effect but i had to make some breakfast. after starting up the fire i woke my friend to come join me to get closer to the fire so he wouldn’t be cold, moments later after joining me we were both warm enough to move around.

we started cooking. we ate and then began talking of what was next. after a little while we bagan to pack up and turn off the fire. there were too many coals and the rock pit we rocks we had used to make the pit were too hot and we had just turned it out and left it there for the next patron to acquire our site to use it.

after everything was packed up and consolidated we headed back with our walking sticks. the sticks helped out from going forward or backwards on the steep hills. after that hike with more stuff then we came in with we arrived to the car about thirty minutes later. we saw a lot of people heading the opposite direction and were heading up the mountain. i wished i could have stayed for longer but couldn’t. future plans of a trip are around the corner. this time we know what to bring. there is also planning of possibly bringing others with us next time.

on our drive back i was able to take more pictures. some were slightly blurry but i did what i could on my phone. after getting home i was able to relax. after letting my parents know i got home safely i was told to change and get ready to go to my little cousins birthday party. i really didn’t want to go from being exhausted. i went. had some food and just wanted to get back home, was dropped off and turned on the television. a movie came on that i have never seen before and i watched it. it was funny and good mind you it was an animated movie. most animations are funny to me either way. lol.

it is late already and i am super tired. got some homework to do tomorrow and a few paper and notes to do. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

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I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

today when i woke up from a wonderful dream i thought i had heard a noise. i washed my face and headed out the back door at my parents house. i had to go because my brother wanted to see a movie and i tagged along and when it finished i joined him to my parents with nothing but the clothes on me and my handy dandy iphone. after stepping outside i heard a clank. i asked myself; what is that noise?! it turns out it was three kittens. i was only able to get a hold of one while the others scrambled. it was funny because the other two ran one way and the one i caught ran into a box and it looked like he was disappointed from being caught. lol. it got me thinking while i held it in my hands; “wow! i have a small living organism in my hands right now.” for that moment i realized it was safe in my hands then from the world beyond my hands. if need be; i was able to protect a life. it also reminded me of what i used to do with you, i tried to protect you secretively. just so if something were to go wrong i always played out the senario out in my head for everything. i am just paranoid about life sometimes.

“life. it is so precious.”

i was also remembered of this test i took recently for a job to help lives. i was asked a question about my life, i answered as truthfully as i could. i did and i am in. as the day went on the day involved more lives to enter in my view. for the first time in many months we were all together. in a way that brought a smile to my face and the almost feeling of having something in my eye. ever since i was told, i have been more appreciative of all life. now with my current position i am able to help those who just need a little push in the right direction. i show what good can come. i think i found my niche. everyone has their own story to tell and it is interesting to listen. i know there are days where i need to talk but from a philosophical point i just need someone to hear me out and i would take what ever is told to me in consideration. even though i have been shut out from somethings i still have a lot to learn. given the opportunity i will continue to help others. i was asked why that makes me happy this weekend and my response to my brother was i like seeing people happy, if i can make one change and that person carries it on to another then i have just started a chain. if i were to help a hundred people and more then half carried it on that is still okay with me because i would know i made the attempt to help when no one else ever would. he was stunned by my answer; speechless to be exact.

after joining my visiting parents to the store, i saw a bunch of camping gear and now trying to plan a camping trip. it has been over two years now since i have been. it is now that time to reconnect with nature. i hope i can get it before turkey day or before winter is here. it is getting late now and have a busy day tomorrow. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

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what a day. i first had to get up and get ready for work. all that was completed really fast and made a quick bite to eat. on my way into work I was thinking of what it was going to be like, I have helped out as much as possible to get a good recommendation letter by the end of it. by the looks of it I am doing a good job. have been told to keep up the good work. I helped out again even though I wasn’t suppose too. I put in some good hours, seven to be exact. things at work are good for now but come Monday I will be swamped with work. after that I headed home. my little brother and older brother were home. I was slightly tired and took a quick power nap. spent time with my family and am still very tired. I have tons to do tomorrow. hope all are well. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today went well except for an achey back-spasm. i think it was being hunched over and working on the bike yesterday. today was another busy day added on to my list of busy days. i woke up early and went to school. was able to have some time to make it home and grabbed a quick bite of breakfast before heading out to work. arrived and went straight to work. since i grabbed a late breakfast i was not hungry until after the lunch hour.

what what have been my lunch my mom called me to know if i had heard or seen anything on a friend of mine. he has so much family and wife drama that he tried to commit suicide by taking some of his moms’ heart medication but it just made his heart race as if it was on speed. hey if you are reading this you know who you are, there was no need for that, it is obvious that the big guy still has plans for you if you are still here, even though times are tough and need to hang out, let me know, drowning yourself in alcohol and skipping on your mandatory military counseling doesn’t help much; it does sort of make the problem bigger and now you are more involved then ever. take care of yourself brother.

couldn’t believe what i was hearing and even on the job too. after work i headed hom and there was traffic, i left fie minutes later then usual and was stuck in traffic for a while. got home safely and began with a snack and then on homework. i finally finished and i am ready for bed and ging to try to read. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

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everything went as planned today, except i wasn’t expecting to have a heart to heart with someone this afternoon, but it happened. even on top of the jokes and laughs today, it felt serious. i have been on a roller coaster of things, many things will be revealed soon enough but before they do, i now know what must be done to get where i want to be. it will be difficult but everything usually is with me. i know i am accepted, hated, liked, loved and enjoyed but as you know i do only have two hands and two feet. when i do need the help i will ask because i know i have been there for anyone who ever may needed something. my brain is hurting and it’s time for bed. good night and happy and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

“quando deves de hablar, no hablas” y “la lengua defiende el gaznate”

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