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Tag Archives: heart

why must you keep doing this too me? i told you many of time because of what you did to me, i never want to hear from you ever again. it’s unforgivable and i have no room for you in my life. say what you want but what you did trumps anything i could ever do to a person. in other words goodbye.

on a side note, today was very productive. i was running around and driving around everywhere. i got all i needed done. i started working on my project to forget what happened earlier. time to get back to work. catch you later.

O_o

today was my lazy sunday, woke up at all kinds of time and kept falling back asleep. i did get my rest in but it was a slow kind of day with nothing to do but clean and pick up while listening to my ipod. throughout the day my jaw and filling were bothering me, i had a weird feeling, very difficult to explain and i wouldn’t know where or how to begin. it is already late and have to take care of some stuff for tomorrow. i hope all had a great day. time for me to sleep. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

still feeling under the weather. i woke up last night and got up to get some orajel for my teeth because the novocain had wore off and it had knocked me out. it looked like a chipmunk or as if i had gotten punched in the face. it didn’t hurt it just felt swollen. kind of laid in bed for a little longer then i should have. finally had gotten up and did something. started cleaning but kept sneezing. i think i sneezed over a thousand times today alone. made me some chicken for dinner, i really hope the vitamins help me get better. i can’t even talk right. i hope all had a good day. take care of yourselves folks. time for me to sleep to make what ever i have go away. good night and sweet dreams. thanks folks, i’ll live, i hope. i love y’all.

O_o

what a day. woke up to the alarm blowing up in my ear. i would have said good morning but the cable lines were frozen and my internet was down because of it. took my final and went home, started on my reports and felt like some coffee, i was already out of it. i had one scoop which couldn’t make me two cups. rushed to the store and it had failed me, the coffee i wanted was out. i know it is now illegal to text while driving but had to respond back, didn’t want you to think something happened to me. i was okay just driving. i went to my next favorite place to shop. found what i wanted and by the time i knew it i was home faster then anything to try to get home before traffic started up. had my coffee and continued on my report. tumbler was crying and since it was early and i was home i decided to go running early. i pushed my limit. i was going to hurt but need to keep my cardiovascular up to keep my heart healthy. i had a scare the other day, nothing serious but scary. while i was typing away i lost track of my battery life and drained my battery twice today. i am finished with five report out of seven total. two more to go and due friday and i also have one more final to go. i hope all had a good day. i am okay. time for me to sleep. have a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today was really random today, i woke up and it was cool in the house, after getting ready for work i opened the door to find fog everywhere. i couldn’t even see across the street to the other houses thats how bad it was. while i was driving i had to be extra careful since i could only see a few car lengths in front of me. it took me a little longer then usual since everyone on the road slowed down. i had made it to work safely and checked in. while we were there getting the paperwork ready for the day, it began geting beter outside. i had heard on the news the night before that it was going to be hot and then cold again at night. i got through work without any problems. what was exciting was that the week i had asked for off was given to me so that i could deal with all my school stuff and finals.

on my way back home they had closed a six-lane highway to one-lane to do work on a saturday afternoon. there was no problem the whole week with it and just out of the blue they decided they had to stop everyone and work. i was in no rush but knew what i had coming. i have a few more reports i have to turn in and they are all due next friday. i have less then a week to get them typed out and printed and sent to my professors. while i was working i was getting a headache from not eating because i had forgotten my snack before dinner time. i was going to make turkey burgers on the grill. i haven’t been able to cook in a while because of my time being busy with work or school and decided to take a break from typing.

prepared and got everything ready while the pit was being started. they came out really good. after cleaning up i jumped back on the computer to type and finish my reports. just in case i fall asleep early, i hope everyone had a good day and be safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

i just realized today that there is one month left in the year. there is a lot i have to catch up on. it is not a lot but what i am doing is bold. enough to be crazy. but here goes nothing. if it can be done it will come alive. i am anxious to see what is. i will be waiting too on my library certificate when i finish being the intern. today went well, better then other days. had to learn and broaden my horizon for the new things i was taught today. it was fairly easy but tried it three times to get it perfect. i am tired from almost knocking out my heart out of my chest when i went running earlier, it felt good to get out, feel the cold while running with tumbler. it had been a while. going to sleep already. got to see a professor about some paperwork for this semester and the next. i hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

you kind of do have the right to enter in my life as you please, you don’t need my permission, if you want to talk i am here. i have never stopped you from talking to me, i thought you didn’t want to talk to me thats why you took me off. yeah you hurt me but believe me nothing can be worse then a break-up. i am doing a little better. i actually don’t know what you mean by me knowing how to reach you, if you mean by texting you that is the only way i can at the moment since i am blocked from your other stuff.

O_o

what a change of events today has been. i woke up really early thinking i was going to be late for class when i looked at my phone clock i had just remembered then that i had forgotten to change that one and was able to slow down my heart from racing. while on the way to school i took my normal route when all of a sudden there was a ton of traffic. i was still able to make it to school on time, which i was glad for. just as i had sat down at my desk four classmates had asked me what we had done last thursday. i think they asked because they have always seen me takes notes while they text and talk with each other during class. we were finally going over what i had been waiting since last class for. got to talk about buddha. with my recent change in views because of buddhist views on life i just stayed there quiet in my seat while the professor asked questions about him. but also in my defense i could’t multitask and answer the question and write the notes. i didn’t want to lose my train of thought. after school i headed off to work and did what was asked without hesitation. i am actually content with what i am doing. i could be making a bigger difference in the world, i just wont know until i see it. after work i get home and i am called from beneath the house and someone yelling at me to shut off the water valve. apparently twenty five years after a pipe was installed it finally gave in and burst. we caught it just in time before it flooded under the house. changed out of my work clothes and hopped into something more older that i could throw away later after getting dirty. well long story short after visiting four stores and five hours later i was finally able to fix the flooding from under the house from happening. i will have to transfer my notes later tomorrow during work and have them ready for next class. just got done getting ready for bed and going to have a light snack since i skipped dinner. i hope all had a way better day. for now; good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

 

what a quick day today was. everything from waking up early to even getting ready and heading to school. staying after to finish a test and heading to work. even at work they asked me what was wrong with me because i looked like a speed demon. i was hitting everything and knocking it out with unbearable speeds. it was as if i had eyes in every direction and a hundred arms. it was awesome. i have never finished work so fast before. and ti top it off i asked for more work to do. who asks for more work?! well i did and i was looked at as a person who was insane. with many little things to do i was able to knock those out. stayed a little after work talking to some coworkers. i was only able to hear a short brief of their life stories because i had to run to the stores. friday came up faster then i was expecting it. i am heading to the camp grounds tomorrow after work. no technology. which means a back draft of my post for that day. my first one ever. i will just be me and nature for a day to relax. relaxing is all i am doing oh and of course writing and documenting everything. from what i have looked up some adventure are in my midst. i am excited. as i write this right now i am sipping on some tea and getting drowsy. it is looking like a way early night for me. i am officially done with my tea and soon to be done writing. i love you. i love you. i love you. i am grateful to have each and everyone of you in my life, no matter the circumstances. i know you may never hear it from my mouth but i mean it with all of my heart. thank you. well folks, i hope y’all had a great day. it is time for some sleep. good night and sweet dreams.

dance O_o

what a day. i am exhausted. i kept waking up last night after every ninety minutes, it was just for a brief minute or two then fell back asleep. i think it was from being paranoid and all the crazy new i had heard from yesterday. i was once told “you can not un-know something.” with yesterday i think i was inspired to really work harder in everything i do. i sometimes wonder why bad things happen to us when we do no wrong to others. but those are just brief moments when i have time to think. lately i have been really busy. school and work is taking over my life now. i am awaiting a very important phone call. i think i was called but i never answer a unknown number. if you want me to answer just show your number, i will be more then happy to answer. i know what is nearing, i have been overwhelmed with so many things that i have come to realize that i do miss quite a few things in my life, not to mention the dreams i have had; they continue and always surprise me in the morning. i know it sucks because i had everything i ever wanted. i know they say the heart wants what the heart wants. i know what i want but can’t have it. i have tried ever so much. i do not know what to do anymore. i miss you like crazy. i have never said anything until now. done with home work for now. time to get some rest. tomorrow is another long day. stay safe. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

agua O_o

this has got to  have been one of the strangest and weirdest weekends i ever had. it all started friday morning. slept in and other stuff was going on around me at the same time and i didn’t even know about. as the day went on something happened that i am not very proud of and has never ever happen to me; my keys; well i rather not say because it is too embarrassing, to say out loud let alone to write down in text. because of a phone call all of my plans had to be rescheduled or mainly modified. i drove.

drove for a bit. arrived and was able to settle in for a few minutes before going to search for my brother. he was celebrating his return back from visiting asia. how cool is that! pretty rad if you ask me. found him and i had that silent tear; you know the single one that is just released from your eye when you  are extremely happy, yeah that one. we and some other friends conversed. meanwhile below the border my parents went to visit my sick uncle and take him to a specialist farther outside of the city and back here i arrived home and got to thinking if there were new plans in the near future. but there is still so much i need to accomplish before some plans can go into effect.

after waking up i wasn’t feeling so well, mold and ragweed were high, but the crazy thing is i have never been allergic until then, the day went on and we went to have a dinner party for a friend who was born half a century ago. i was continuing to feel bad, i cut the night was short and headed home. i was almost asleep when i got a phone call to be a designated driver. i picked up my brother and friend from the road and returned back home to sleep. meanwhile i had received another call from my parents earlier that day that they were safely on there way back; or so i thought.

i was woken up to tumbler (my dog) getting sick and puking on the carpet. of course i had to get up really fast and remove and clean. i did just that. i had a few things to do. well more then a few. when i got to the dishes my mind stopped running a thousand miles an hour. i think the sound of water calms me down or maybe the feeling of water. i have yet to figure out what it is. by this time my parents were already home. i left this afternoon to go home. i was driven and met halfway through. we stayed for a bit and said our goodbyes after a little quality time that was there. on the way home my parents let me know what had happened. this is where it gets weird and strange.

apparently every time we had visited that part of the city we always end up losing and animal dearest to us. my mom had told me that our old dog had a cold for a few days now. even with all the care and medicine it didn’t help. my dad let her run free and she just walked to the back of the shed. normally she was a strong and brilliant dalmatian. she had a lot of what tumbler has know, i think he picked it up from her and some pointers from me as well. my dad said she was in plain sight and then she disappeared. my dad went looking for her when she wouldn’t answer her name being called out. she had walked farther away from from the house and removed herself from sight when she passed away. she passed away of natural causes, she was quite old. but she like our other dogs and pups will never be forgotten. we will miss you brittany, we love you girl. may you rest in peace and go visit our other canine family in doggy heaven. and if that wasn’t enough to bare, the kept going and told me what happened on the return trip.

while on their way back from the doctor and passing all the check points they were stopped by a federal cop truck and pulled off the side of the road. my dad was wondering what he had done wrong. it was broad daylight and he wasn’t drunk or speeding or being reckless in anyway shape or form. the official asked my dad to step out of the car and pop the trunk and hood of the rental car. he inspected the hood quickly and then returned farther away from the car with the trunk still opened. he asked my dad several questions. my dad answered with no problem. it was until the official assumed my dad had money and was lying. on a side note my dad has never done any of that, he is a well respected contractor in the business. he normally doesn’t carry a high amount of money on his person. as the official he told him that he would be going to jail. he brought out handcuffs and asked him what he wanted to do, at this point my dad was thinking that he was never going to see his wife, kids and family ever again. he was thinking the worst possible. as i am hearing this i am furious and thinking to myself, if anything like that ever were to happen i would pull the sort of stunt that you see in movies. i’ll just leave it at that.

he offered his last one hundred dollar bill to the official, mind you the officer had a loaded machine gun. while all this is going on my mom, aunt and uncle are in the car trying to listen and see what is going on. but they can’t since they were far away from the car. no one around for miles. they told him that he was going to jail and whoever was in the car would go about there business. at the same time there are three other men in the truck and also with loaded weapons. my dad highly believe what was going down was, what has been seen on the news lately over the border. with the offering my dad said that was his last hundred dollar bill and it was for the return trip home. the man was furious and said if he wanted them back that he would be sent to jail. the man refused to take the money where the others would see and the official asked him to make it as if they were shaking hands to make the swap. luckily the man let them go. my dad was saying at that moment in time he felt his life was just worth a hundred dollars and that the other guy could care less what happened next.

as they pressed on to reach the border my dad said he felt dead inside. no feeling what so ever. literally as if his life flashed before his eyes. he said no matter what until this drug war and corruption continues he would not return; until it is fixed. by the looks of things doen’t look like it will be stopping anytime soon. as soon as they hit american soil was when he felt alive again. we were on protected and safe soil. with great appreciation of cops and other s who serve, he know saw why we our such a great country.

my mom was saying what would happen if it did actually happen. but instead i swayed her mind from thinking like that and know there is a higher power that can protect with some faith. i didn’t know whether to me sad or angry at what happened but all i know is that i had the biggest epiphanies this weekend due to everything that happened this weekend. there are other missing parts to this story but i am choosing to leave them out. it makes me angry at what they are doing., hurting innocent people for a few extra bucks in their pocket tax free. there is more i would like to say but can’t.

some things will be looked into because of my epiphanies, let’s just see what happens. i am extremely tired and i wish everyone stays safe. have a good night and dream happy dreams.

O_o

everything went as planned today, except i wasn’t expecting to have a heart to heart with someone this afternoon, but it happened. even on top of the jokes and laughs today, it felt serious. i have been on a roller coaster of things, many things will be revealed soon enough but before they do, i now know what must be done to get where i want to be. it will be difficult but everything usually is with me. i know i am accepted, hated, liked, loved and enjoyed but as you know i do only have two hands and two feet. when i do need the help i will ask because i know i have been there for anyone who ever may needed something. my brain is hurting and it’s time for bed. good night and happy and sweet dreams.

O_o