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Tag Archives: hard

what a spiraling day, it all started last night while dreaming; i was able to some how control the dream and what i did. it was as if my thought had a thought, i know it is hard to explain but it kind of reminded me of inception the movie, where they went into a dream state and in that dream state they had gone into another. i was thinking of what to do and my body would do just as i thought it. it was as if i could control my world. before i could get to controlling my dream i was woken up by my alarm. it was time for me to get up and get ready for school. after getting ready had some time and tried out the new coffee i had bought yesterday. it was really good. took off for school and learned a little bit more on the what was going on before the depression. i was awake, alert, excited to learn and what felt like a good mood. after leaving school to work i was early and decided to take some time and drive. made it to work and after heading inside is when the spiral of events began. everything went from good to bad to good to bad to good. by the time i knew it it was already time to go home. even though everything was spiraling out of control i remembered my dream and how i was controlling the dream, i did just that, i took the time to enjoy the slow traffic, in a sense that i was able to think in peace, without being distracted like usual when i get home. i had a lot to catch up on from school and work. i am taking time to get a really good grade, i am tired of failing. i don’t want to be a failure anymore. even though writing in my strong suit; i have too. i think i will be asking for help because i don’t know how to go about my research paper. i got the information but where do i sart; sort of thing. it is getting hard for me to think even though it is early. i just want to sleep. already ready for bed and going to sleep early. i hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

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wow what a day. professor has now re-re-rescheduled our test. everyone one complains about him but i think since he is retiring he doesn’t care anymore and i really think everyone complains just to make conversation. he just wants the semester to be over to leave. he said he wasn’t going to finish off the year just the fall semester and leave. students have been saying they will drop and i think they have because we went from thirty five students to about less then twenty show up for class daily. after class headed to my future career and got some exciting news. looks like more hard work is in my near future. like really difficult classes. after all that noise went to work, work was work and then headed home. i heard something clicking in my tires on the way home. i checked it out when i got home and i come to find that in some crazy attempt to pop or slash my rear tire i found a broken piece of a utility knife. after further inspection it looks like the blade broke just short of actually puncturing the tire. crazy thing is, i have not pissed anyone off or mad for that reason. karma. i already have one green light. i don’t need another. trying to finish up this homework and taking a really quick break to write this. hope all had a better day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today was like any other day, sun blaring, birds chirping, no clouds, windy, and above all spending it with my dad. arrived at a doctors house near the mall, it was fun driving down a steep hill, so much momentum. lol the doctor had set up the job with my dad last week and finally told us what he wanted, we had to construct a custum patio overhang (roof) with skylights and tin sheets. it took us most of the day but we got it done. it turned out the homeowner was a doctor who worked for the department of infectious diseases here in town. he was a top research developer and chemist that he was on a team looking for a cure for breast cancer. i am familiar with that situation because of someone really close to me and my family. i saw the hell she had to go through but is a survivor and has been well. she does so much for us, it is quite amazing. i do hope they do find a cure one day for it, after seeing what she had to go through, it must be hard for all the other women and men out there that do have to go through it. to this day, i am a huge supporter for the fight of breast cancer and live strong campaign. hope you are too. after a while my dad asked him a few questions and i walked in to the conversation and the doctor said they maybe was a slight chance for a cure, maybe within the next few years. with today technological advances anything is possible. well to tired to write anymore, it is time for bed but have a good night and a better tomorrow.

LiveStrong O_o

today had to have been one of the 3rd hardest day i had ever had to go through. the test this morning practically gave me an aneurysm, my head nearly exploded by thinking so much. i pulled through but am disappointed in myself, i know i could have done better, but at the same time i know i did all i could. i am unsure of my grade, so i decided no matter what i am going to retake that class again for the fall semester, it will still be fresh in my brain that i think i can pull a “B’ average or maybe an “A” if i really work hard rather then a low “C” or a “D” which i can’t handle on my GPA. i looked more into my class schedule and will be going monday through friday with four classes and on top of all that an internship, where i have to choose somewhere to work. i am still undecided and need to make a decision fairly quickly. & i thought my day couldn’t get any worse; it did! turns out when i got back home my parents, well mainly my mom had just finished wiping her tears because her eyes were pink from letting the water flow. i knew from what she had told me yesterday something was wrong, sure enough, i was right. my uncles treatment had absolutely no effect on him and has to have more test done. alcoholism is an ugly thing, it scares me when i see it in my family, how it must be for others. i have seen hell and more and refuse to take part and me myself drink. wine is a different story because it helps the heart throughout the years. i am unsure if he will be able to recover from this and it doesn’t help that another hurricane is coming in and he lives near where they are evacuating families in mexico. one hand i see he found this and deserves it but on the other he is my uncle and my family and needs our help. even though we are so far away i am unsure we will one day get that dreaded phone call giving us some bad news. but i am unsure what will happen… dont know what my life is coming too either. in conclusion i hope there is something good from this, i hope he learns too, it is sad and wish he can be saved.

to never knowing O_o

was sent a message, wanting to know how I have been doing? sort of spilt the beans, looks like I am doing well from the outside from what they see and read but from the inside; not so much, had a strange dream last night which try to tell me something, can’t really remember it put just parts, but realized that today has been a month, but doesn’t feel like it, it feels strange, still as if it was just a couple days ago, several days have felt as if they have combined together and merged into one, have only had two fridays that I have free but even though there free I am busy. I thought I just wanted a break. sleeping is harder everyday, keep waking up in sweats and falling back asleep and wake up again several times and by the last wake up I have to start getting ready for school. everyone is telling me to do the impossible. I am doing my best and trying but it is hard work, there are things we hide from others but some know, based on their inner instincts. in conclusion even though what happened happened, it has always been said that it happened for a reason.

to knowing the unknown O_o

I have figured out why people who know me say I am stubborn, today with my dad I began things good, talking bonding; everything was fine BUT THEN IT HAPPENED, we began playing and horsing around, me calling him old and he calling me slow and big…all in great fun. then we got to something serious. I disagreed with him and he kept pushing his view, and it hit me, I don’t choose to look at the broad view of things because I can only see so far and only know so much that I don’t know everything…YET. I choose to see what I want and not look at the other side of the situation. I know I am stubborn, HELL all your sons are, not just me. Like Father Like Son(s).

to knowing and learning more O_o