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well its been about a week now, it was time to get stuff done for a change, i am starting off the new year with some not so great news, in these past two months our family has lost three people because of illnesses. i don’t know what else is happening around the world, just in my world. we received a phone call early in the morning about the passing away of a cousins’ child. he passed away of leukemia. a few days ago we had another relative pass away with aids; i did mention it before in my previous blogs. then we received news of my uncle being admitted in the hospital for unrelated occurrences. my parents had to go out of the state and well, country. i did have a great conversation and i am super glad i was able to talk to you today, like i told you there are days i just don’t know what to say. i do miss our long talks we used to have. there are a few things i wish for but i will have to wait and see what will happen. i have to go attend to my family right now. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

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i woke up this morning with hiccups, i know how they happen but its probably been ages since i have had them. i am almost over this sinus build up i have acquired these past couple of days and when i woke up, i was in the weirdest mood. don’t know how to explain it but at best i can describe it as blank, no feeling, no thinking and no daydreaming. i normally do that several times a day, but not today. could it have been from concentrating on christmas and new years around the corner or could have the lunar eclipse had anything to do with it? it was lunar and the moon does control the waves in the ocean and the best thing that calms me down is water. even though i had a to do list on my hands i found other random stuff i had to do and made my list longer. tomorrow there the last minute thing i must do. enough of my rambling i am getting cold and when i get cold i tend to start falling asleep; which is happening now as i keep typing. i hope all had a great day! time for me to hibernate. lol. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

O_o

what an awakening dream, how true can it be? most dreams are brought on by waking life. but i couldn’t distinguish if it was a dream or a premonition; it was very real. i could touch, feel and smell. i didn’t quite understand what was happening i the background but once you know something you can’t un-know it and as far as the other dream. it was awesome, every moment of it. i really hope that one does come true.

O_o

 

today was my “half birthday” only a few people know exactly what i am talking about but they’re not here with us to celebrate. i found out that i am eight thousand five hundred and eighty two days old. that is a long time! that is a different story but now onto what got my day going, i got to reading; reading something i probably shouldn’t have. and then it started! it started to make me think, the kind of thinking that you never forget and the thought just keeps swirling in your head and you can’t stop thinking about it. when they say read the fine print, read it! i made a fool of myself at the window the other day, until now it is hitting me that i need to read every document given to me, word for word and not skip over and signing it and just turning it in; like i would normally do. i was told many moons ago that when you sign a document it becomes a legal document and are responsible for it until it is put into a file. with that, it has taken me a day to read and reread this document before i sign and turn it in. i am a couple days away from the biggest day of my life to begin and the more it nears; the more anxious i am getting, whether i get in or not. continue to stay tuned to see what will happen. lol.

anxious O_o

i finally got in, i have waited over a month to get in, i hope with this will help. i have been prolonging it and procrastinating too long now. august tenth is it. we will see what happens.

nervous O_o

i was woken up by a know it all, wasn’t a great morning. had to rant but enough of that; it is over and done with. with some delay i was able to get just enough rest to recover but still have some pain. as the day progressed it did just that. we worked hard and it paid off, literally. out of the blue my friend asked me if i would join him to see a movie and said sure, even though i was dead tired; but it is rare this happens and when it does i know there is a deeper meaning to just hanging out. sure enough i was right, we got to talking while i munched down on my bbq buffalo wings, everything spilled out, the movie wasn’t until midnight, well ten minutes before so we had a little time to spare. on our way to the theater more and more information was released, because all he needed was just a second opinion. while at the theaters a fight almost broke out, we were two rows behind it and saw everything, i did miss a small portion of the movie  because of them arguing because the second party was on the phone; i mean hello who does that?! step outside and take your call but not while the movie has already started. don’t want to spoil the movie but it involves dreaming. there was much hype on the movie and it turned out to be a great summer movie; i recommend everyone to see it. what they do in the movie has happen to me before but in real life, not by being hooked up to a machine. in conclusion, in a way i need to get out, needed to clear up the old noggin, everything at work, home  and brother moving away is all too much for one day. thanks but it is now time to rest. i hope you can figure out what you need to do.

to dreaming big O_o

was sent a message, wanting to know how I have been doing? sort of spilt the beans, looks like I am doing well from the outside from what they see and read but from the inside; not so much, had a strange dream last night which try to tell me something, can’t really remember it put just parts, but realized that today has been a month, but doesn’t feel like it, it feels strange, still as if it was just a couple days ago, several days have felt as if they have combined together and merged into one, have only had two fridays that I have free but even though there free I am busy. I thought I just wanted a break. sleeping is harder everyday, keep waking up in sweats and falling back asleep and wake up again several times and by the last wake up I have to start getting ready for school. everyone is telling me to do the impossible. I am doing my best and trying but it is hard work, there are things we hide from others but some know, based on their inner instincts. in conclusion even though what happened happened, it has always been said that it happened for a reason.

to knowing the unknown O_o