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Tag Archives: grow

only have a few moment to write this but it has been a very busy day. lot of work. have stayed clear of the internet, had to turn off the wifi to work, i kept wanting to get distracted but by all means i prevailed. i was hit with epiphanies in the face today, literally. stuff is getting really heavy really fast. as if my mountains just blew up and are headed down the hill with an earth slide. you be safe out there, haven’t seen or talk to a few people that i would usually talk too. looks like every one is growing up and getting stuff done. miss you and love you(s). try to stay sane. school and work tomorrow. this is good night, sleep well and sweet dreams.

O_o

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i had gone out the night before. nothing big but just met up with a few friends. spent the night and woke up this morning laughing at what mess they had made. there were costume pieces everywhere. paint, makeup, fangs, jackets, boots, accessories, etc just scattered all over the place. after that went to grab brunch and met up with eight others. but i am thinking this will never be the same again. i feel like i am growing too old and that it has already passed me by of the festives and joyfulness of it. everyone be safe out there tonight. exam in the morning and out of nowhere i get this throbbing headache, i wish i had some tylenol pm to knock me out and heal my semi-cramped calf. tomorrow will be interesting. my day is filled with long tasks, i was called back in to help out and would need me for another twenty hours, i will have to try and work something out. to late to be thinking. again stay safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

bwahahaha O_o

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

i have been obsessed with a song and keep listening to it over and over, if i go anywhere i hear it at least 1-5 times on the radio or more depending on how long i am driving for. the verse that jumps out at me the most is “can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now!” – B.o.B ft H. Williams because we all know that everyone could use at least one wish. today marked a eventful; if you want to call it that; day, woke up, got ready for class had my breakfast and headed off, even though it was raining, I wasn’t going to let the grey skys get me down. got to class and finished my exam, suprisingly all the formulas and steps to complete some problems came back to me while taking the exam. I was very proud of myself; for the first time in a long time. it feels really good when acomplishing a task. well after that was done headed home to find marked papers saying they had to be turned in today, grabbed them all and drove!
well my trip started from downtown and ended about 15-20 miles northbound, it was intense and not to mention the visibilty wasn’t so good because of the rain. once I finished with that I headed home, well I didn’t know what to do and was running around the city that it did a huge toll on me and I decided to nap. well, that nap really energized me once I woke up. began watching netflix and finished book one of avatar: the last airbender, it’s been said that that’s a cartoon that was out when I was younger but I never can recall. it is very good and am continuing book two and will eventually get through all four. now I want to go see the real movie because I am more informed on it. in conclusion i am learning new things everyday and even though i fried my brain i know it helped me grow, i have never applied myself and stuck with it, until now that you have shown me. i guess what i am trying to say is thank you and i don’t think i will ever stop thanking you.

thinking of you O_o

today was strange, an old friend started texting me, they first got a hold of me during class, had to let them know nicely, where i was. it is nearing the end real fast, what i thought seemed like an eternity of classes, it wasn’t. they said they were visiting their younger brother and were in the process of taking him home. it reminded me of mine, that post was to him; didn’t mean to confuse but guess can’t hide it now since i am now writing this.  he is not here with me right now, he is in his own place, the town of the “H” prepping for his new lease on life. even though we have grown up together we will be taking over three cities soon, some people don’t know but it has been said we are a trinity and are interlocked within each other. all of our names come from the big guy book, we are blood. even though the move is near, the geometrical plane seen is a triangle, it what we are. with this coming up so fast, i was asked if feelings were there, i tried to hide them from all. can’t let them see you down keeps popping into mind, but some people just know something wrong, an intuition. it is not good that it is happening because we have grown so close together these past couple of months. i have learned and i have taught. but even though change is near, i will miss the old, wont be able to do all that used to be done. but can’t be that selfish. it can’t always be about me, all who know me know this, i care for all, no matter the circumstances. i will never stop and hope i never will. it is what makes me; ME! in conclusion i could only ask to be safe and careful and tie up all loose ends before leaving so they do not come back and haunt you, like they have for us. much love kidd.

to known emotion O_o

today has been a strange day, on my drive back, i did something i hadn’t done in a long time and began to asking questions and out poured a conversation of life, its been said that we shouldn’t look at life in sayings! but in order for me to get ahead and learn is through text. whether it is from a song, speech, book, tv, movie, etc. that is how i speak what i can’t say out loud, but what i think. it is very difficult for me to speak up, i know i can speak in public and give a lecture or talk with friends, i feel as if i have lost my voice, like my words dont matter anymore, i try to give advice when listening but it is tried to be reversed to attempt to try to change me, i matured into the person i will be when i am older but will have more knowledge as i grow older, for as much as i know, i don’t know what is yet to come, no one does! we can only try to do with what cards are dealt to us. in conclusion i changed a long time ago, can you accept me for who i am or just turn me into a ghost?

to figuring it out O_o

money is just an inanimate object to me, everyone always assumes that I need to worry about money, when in fact, I can honestly say I could care less, I spend it idiotically anyways. buying things I shouldn’t. yeah I know money doesn’t grow on trees and what not but even with all the money in the world, it absolutely can not buy you love or happiness. some may think so. but when growing up from nothing to having something, that is what makes a person, not by what they own, drive, live, wear, etc. the only thing money is used for is to buy things we want but not need, while I was out, there where things I saw that I would have liked to have, but what would have been the point of buying it, I had no where to put, hold, show, wear, smell it. I am very very grateful for what I have now, I am not one to brag or boast, because that is a sin. judge all you want, but I will say this, you wish you could have what I do, it makes me a bigger and better person to accept what I have or even had that I don’t need to change because it wouldn’t help me out. all you need to survive is food, clothes, water, shelter and a washroom. I don’t need fancy things to get ahead. I just need my brain.

ranting O_o

I see you in a dream, here you in my ear, I speak to you by my thought. I have accepted what I thought was a dream, I know you know I hurt, what hurts me more is to see you hurt. I know we will be okay one day. smile-a-day! “people disappear all the time but there never really gone, the good parts of them always stay put.” – TrueBlood. you intoxicate me with your presence.

eyes O_o

work was good, took a little longer then expected. I was trying to cool down when all of a sudden IT start, not sure if it was meant to on purpose or accident but it started. I am super tired of this, you really need to quick you shit, it stupid and childish & how the FUCK am I suppose to get you something when I your locked up in your room in the back. really?! c’mon. the only way to get away is [THIS]. not sure why this annoys me so much, but your a grown fucking man. it may be time to start acting like one. has it ever occurred that not everyone is wanting to play . being home should be time to relax. key word: RELAX. ugh! you cant even let me watch ONE hour of tv, two of three tv’s are showing the same thing. sometimes you can be annoying and I dont know where everyone is 24/7, WTF do I look like, a GPS or something. >O\

annoyed O_o

all you had to do was talk to me, I understand a lot more about the situation, we are in the same boat as we have seen. doesn’t mean you have to go through it all yourself. it is time to learn from our past to make a future. i sometimes would like your help and sometimes you need my help. there is always someone you can talk to. i am not here to judge, it is now time to grow up for both of us. i did not mean to portray all those things you thought, again all you have to do is communicate. the signs are all around us even though everyone chooses to avoid them or look ast them. you dodged a bullet this time, you always got to keep in the back of your head next time who knows what may happen. just be smart and careful about what you do. i know you and your family to well to let you mess up. everything is understandable.

stronger bond O_o

like father like son/like mother like daughter i see you and see you in disgust not to be mean but to see what i despise and despise because i see you and how your bros are slightly the same, i have seen the conclusion and can you still not learn, i do not know your life and do not think i want too. your daughter thinks i don’t want to see or talk to her, which isn’t exactly true. you just make a fool of yourself and its ridiculous, time to grow up, i am growing up myself and should show your kids as well as us that life is better without a nasty habits. i only have to talk to you because your family. i hate to use you as an example but for me to grow up and be a better person i have to call you out on your mistakes and to learn from them.

O_o