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i kept thinking my weekend was already over but when i checked the calendar it was just beginning. when i woke up everyone was still sleeping, it was funny because they still partied during the night and all i had was two beers and a glass of champagne during the new years toast, the rest of the time friends kept bring me water. so glad i drank water instead. it was everyones recovery day, people didn’t want to get up out of bed or didn’t want to do anything. since i was the only one that was in good condition i made a few errands while in town. we later met up with a few friends for dinner and i had a energy drink where my hands and arms were still sore from trying to pump up the crowd. we are going to be headed home to rest before going to bed. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

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only have a few moment to write this but it has been a very busy day. lot of work. have stayed clear of the internet, had to turn off the wifi to work, i kept wanting to get distracted but by all means i prevailed. i was hit with epiphanies in the face today, literally. stuff is getting really heavy really fast. as if my mountains just blew up and are headed down the hill with an earth slide. you be safe out there, haven’t seen or talk to a few people that i would usually talk too. looks like every one is growing up and getting stuff done. miss you and love you(s). try to stay sane. school and work tomorrow. this is good night, sleep well and sweet dreams.

O_o

today has been kind of an ache. well was up really early to take out the dog and stepped outside and it was pouring cats and dogs; figuratively speaking. step out in the rain and let the dog do his business, he was anxious to get inside because of the rain, for me it was a wake up call for me; the rain woke me up. lol. as i got ready for class i had asked the professor that i would be leaving early because of an appointment i had. he let me leave early. it was still bad outside; weather wise and tried to arrive on time; i did! checked in and waited two minutes before they came and got me. spent a few hours getting x-rays and getting a checked up to make sure everything was good. sure enough all was good. the only bad thing was that one of my wisdom teeth is laying on it’s side and will have to be surgically removed. =O\ but i need them out because of the headaches i get from them making their way in. when the consult was finished i headed home, called my mom and when i arrived she had a bowl of her homemade chicken soup ready for me. it was awesome! had to run a few errands after that before taking off to my old house out of town. staying a few days and needed a break and since i was having a four day weekend, i thought it would be good to see all my old friends who where coming into town and who i hadn’t see in a really long time. hope they have a safe trip, see you folks soon. heading there now.

O_o

it has been quite some time that i have look into depth of things. i feel we are only configured to see what we choose too, it isn’t until someone else can see what we don’t that we begin to realize what actually is going on around/with us. many people would say i would wear my heart on my sleeve which may come to be true but i just never saw it that way, i always saw myself as hidden or secretive to hide emotions that i wouldn’t want others too see. but i was wrong, i got into a serious conversation with my friend, i have known him for more than five years and would consider him my best friend. he tells it to me straight even though i may not see what he does. i know i have limited people that are true friends, but even though i have many friends they do things that are uncomfortable for me due to my past experiences that i don’t like. i can’t change them because no one should be told how to run their lives. life should be valued and appreciated. i try my hardest to be a good son, friend, etc but i guess i am not. if i can’t put differences aside what good am i as a friend? am i worthless and just a waste of entity?? what have i done to upset anyone lately, please tell me? today was a huge eye opener. i think in order for me to be a way better person somethings that i do may have to change. there are just things i can’t do anymore that i have given up, like for instance; watching tv, two years ago i was presented with an opportunity to not watch tv anymore, many think it was a radical thing to do but it actually worked in favor for me, i got out and became active, not to mention having a dog was a bit more responsibility too. my dog means the world to me, even though i have only had him for two years, he is my best friend. without him i don’t know what i would have done. i am just having epiphanies left and right but this may just be a phase but i want to do what ever it takes to be the best. all what you told me today was the truth, i never knew you had that bottled up inside you, i wish you would have told me sooner, i would have like to know sooner. i am very observent but i am not perfect, i know this, we all have flaws and i told you yours. but that is just what i see, what you do with the information is your choice. thanks.

to being appreciative O_o

today was suppose to be a day of working, what it turned out to be was a downer or bummer. my morning wasn’t so great, woke up at six thirty because of the pain killers wearing off; my foot was in a slight bit more of pain. my mom couldn’t see me suffer anymore and she decided we would head down to see the chiropractor but he wasn’t available due to family issues. then we went to see if my cousin knew anybody and had no luck there. as the day went on i rested on the couch, i knew what would be coming tomorrow and needed all the rest i could take. the pain i am in i can control, one wrong move and i pull the muscle and hurt myself, my parents are afraid if i don’t get this fixed now that it could come back later when i am older and haunt me and might possibly be worse. as if that wasn’t enough; i got an email reminder to pay my classes. if i didn’t i would lose them. well because i got a non passing grade during summer the school decided to deny my chance at getting aid. my tuition jumped to a whopping eight hundred dollars minus books. i had to drop out of a class in order to make a slight payment to even keep my classes. i am very bummed about that, but this isn’t getting me down that easily. i am a fighter and have always been. i want to rant out but what would be the point, it is my fault i could have gotten a better grade, formulas and steps are more difficult to follow sometimes for me. if i made this mistake it is time for me to take responsibility for my actions and put blame on me instead of the world. i do put myself down sometimes but i have to in order for me to learn not to do it again. i believe in myself as well as other see expectations in me too. i glad some people do believe. now it is my turn to appreciate everybody for that and show them there encouragement meant the world to me. i am very sorry if i have let anyone down, my time is now! i am seeing to much i don’t want to see. that is enough of my day, how was yours?

being responsible O_o

everyone always talks about time as if it is something we can control, how time works i really don’t know, came across something today; “time doesn’t heal anything, it just teaches us how to live with the pain.” – Naomi Remen, which i find to be true, i have said it before and i will say it again, i have seen my version of hell and back and i don’t like it one bit, i would never wish anything i have seen or done upon someone. there are things that i have seen and have happen that i wish no one would ever have to go through, but i guess if it doesn’t happen, we wouldn’t be able to learn to change or fix situations. talking about things does help, but the person you really want to talk can’t help in any which way or form. does the perception they have of the situation help any by repeating it? or does the advice given be taken or heard when the situation at hand has never happen to them?? i am just trying to do the best thing but am i doing the right thing??? everyone always says “follow you heart” and some concur that the heart is just an organ unlike the brain which has a side that no one can see but oneself and listen to it too. can it be that giving up is the answer, some say it’s a lost cause and is not my burden to carry but when in reality it is as much burden as anyone else? i am feeling that i am becoming something i said i would never be, how or what can i do to change this?? if anyone has ever felt this way, what is the best advice that can be passed on? in conclusion, do i speak and ask for help or do i keep my mouth shut and carry on my day, like any other?!?!

to feeling … O_o

if you are wondering about the title it is pronounced (uhn-dur-dee-mee-cee-a-ted). lol. if you know what i am talking about i will carry on, if not, sorry. it has felt like that for the past couple of days, it has been a tough thing to come out of, the monkey and giraffe have help me out a lot…they tell me beats, poems/lyrics. i recently mentioned the word LIFE and threw it around left and right to people i have spoken too and have just got ten about the same reaction from all. in their head they are probably thinking i am crazy or mildly insane. but know this, i am perfectly sane! what i have come to realize or epiphanize if you will; that i can not fix everything! but favors that are dealt should be repaid, it should’t always have to be about it, it is replaceable. under the right circumstances it can easily be replaced. even though you are not here in my presence i hope you realize now that the world doesn’t all revolve around it. yes it helps, but for needs and not wants. i do hope that you get to understand this, i am telling you with my all, don’t jump because you want to, but jump because you have too. i know it is a huge leap in your life and i am very happy for you, i have never said this out loud but i do miss you. you are my best friend. and I LOVE YOU. just be careful. yeah i want to see you succeed just like everyone else but you better follow with what you said you were going to do. in the end, do what you love and love what you do.

to a new mountain O_o

was busy running errands and working on homework that I began listening to a music and became inspired, one of the lines made the most sense to me was “i got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me, i bring them to the light for you, it’s only right. this is the soundtrack to my life.” in this inspirational song i decided to take a break and go running in the park to make some room in my brain to continue and make sense of things, lots of things. now i am getting back to school, have been thinking and am possibly thinking of taking a Summer 2 spanish or history class that i still need to graduate instead of taking a 4 hour test and testing out of it where i still need a tad bit more help in. but i have a few more weeks to come up with a decision to test or class it, but will keep everyone posted on my judgement call. here i go again. on a side note also kept thinking that i don’t want to work while going to school because it will distract me from my studies. i have asked one person and he says too work. even though it is just an opinion, i would like anyone’s feed back if i should follow through with this or not, please, any advice will help? thanks. miss my friends.

to making a judgement call for my future O_o

have been star gazing just a little while ago and days past, was out side with my family and dog, while we got home from dinner today mark a special day. a day worth of memory lane if you will, had to run out earlier and go get my dad his gift, i hadn’t forgot i had just been really busy, i sort of didn’t know what to get him since he is a hard person to get a gift for, if i were to ask i know his response would be to get him nothing because he has everything, may not be much but to him he has everything. was woken up really early today, like 7am early because of something my subconscious mind remembered to do. would have been nice to do. tonight i saw a shooting star and couldn’t help to remember this’ “can we pretend that air planes are shooting stars, because i could really use a wish right now.” well i made my wish, after seing the shooting star and hope it comes true. i didn’t ask for me to take over the world but just for a life long friendship, that is they would like it, i am always here and am never going anywhere, if in case you ever need to talk, to hang out, never hesitate, i am here and always will be here, i never asked for anything in return and in doing so not sure if i did wrong, but im here and going nowhere fast. this was once was told too me. it hurts me to see you down, keep your chin up and am positive we can pull through, no matter what.

wishing upon a star O_o

wow just realized that people do believe, but what can I do? I am doing my best and trying, not too many people try. but it’s my turn to shine!!!! thank you.

iLUVy’all O_o

today felt what I thought not so good day, had totally forgot to eat and skipped out on breakfast and lunch and got busy cleaning from installing 2 couches that were purchased yesterday. then got in the spirit of cleaning and cleaned my dog and washed and waxed my car and was told that I would be joining my family for a 50th Anniversary of their aunt and uncle being married, finished what I had too and got ready, was done getting ready and were on our way. they lived out super far and knew I should publicly post something to let people know where I would be at in case they needed to get a hold of me. arrived and had to get through the awkward part of the gathering, the meeting of all my unconnected cousins. well got through that! then came the food, since i gave up red meat I was the first one to get served since all I was able to have was sides. they rocked! got to chatting it up and began talking about school, life, money, etc in a very intelectual manner with my cousin who is also 23 and tried to inspire my 18 year old cousin who helps his dad out at a tire shop (family owned and operated) to go to school because if he graduates and can’t find a job there will always be one waiting for him there, the night went on. nearly had what I thought could have been a heart attack but counted and slowed down my heart rate and on the drive home again it happened but not as drastic and after that gave me a headache, arrived home hunting for my Tylenol bottle and popped in two, made me feel happy, tingly and nervous. the day turned out okay and even better just right now. =O> and was reminded about my reading resolution and after writing this am continuing to finish the book. in conclusion, the things that are missed are never forgotten.

catching up & caring O_o

while on my busy adventure this morning, I received a text from a friend saying that they needed to tell me something and called me and dropped the BOMB on me!!!!!! we went way back, we met when I moved to Austin about 2 years ago and we became really good friends, helped me out through some things and helped them out too. she told me they were moving to Las Vegas with family because the dad got a good job opportunity up there and wanted to say farewell before they would be gone for a really long time and would not be able to return. the family is taking off and driving tomorrow morning to reach Vegas by Monday (Memorial Day). I quickly grabbed some clothes and threw it in a travel bag and mentioned to my folks and older brother that I was heading up here (Austin) to visit them, a bunch of friends that are going are closest of closest of friends, I was considered a good good friend because I couldn’t always be there. I know how difficult it can be to get through a few things like a loss in the family who was very dear and close. I considered her like a sister I never had and could talk too and trust them with pointers they gave me to help out with situations in life. it will be sad to see you go, but I am here now to say my goodbyes and farewells, I drove all this to see you go. the friendship will never be forgotten, just wished I would have known sooner to prep for the BOOM in the face when you told me. sad day. I wish you the best  and since you are moving don’t stop taking care of yourself like you always have.

your good good friend O_o