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Tag Archives: fight

how much is too much? there is information one can’t un-know or un-see. part of me tell me he will come out okay and everything will be fine and the other half of me thinks that if it comes to the worse, it would be best to let go and wish for the best. i don’t really know if i am being selfish but it is in your hands now. whatever decision you make will be okay with me as long as i am able to say goodbye.

O_o

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today felt “wishy washy” i did get everything i needed done. i had a few set backs but nothing major, easily repairable but as far as other things i couldn’t get quite right. after some hard searching and thinking i was able to figure out what i had needed, just had to look back in my notebook. one of my handy dandy notebooks helped as well. i got to printing all the pages i needed for my class tomorrow and with some reading i was able to understand what i needed to do. i hope it is what i ned tomorrow and that i didn’t forget anything. everything has beed a big weight on my shoulders for a long time now that i think it is finally starting to spill over into my everyday life. i am getting tired faster when i should be studying and my body fails and shuts down and reboots it self moments later, it has happened for several days now. i know what i have to do but i just don’t know where to find something good for me, that will help me out later. i have tried all my contacts and everyone seems hesitant to take back what they said when i was told that if i ever needed anything, now there are nowhere to be found. i was looking into my school email when i stumbled across several emails that; because of my progress think i would be a great asset to there fraternity. i declined all four offers, i am no where near as done as i want to be with school. i am fighting every chance i get. and will fight until the end. have a wonderful night folks and sweet dreams.

O_o

today was like any other day, sun blaring, birds chirping, no clouds, windy, and above all spending it with my dad. arrived at a doctors house near the mall, it was fun driving down a steep hill, so much momentum. lol the doctor had set up the job with my dad last week and finally told us what he wanted, we had to construct a custum patio overhang (roof) with skylights and tin sheets. it took us most of the day but we got it done. it turned out the homeowner was a doctor who worked for the department of infectious diseases here in town. he was a top research developer and chemist that he was on a team looking for a cure for breast cancer. i am familiar with that situation because of someone really close to me and my family. i saw the hell she had to go through but is a survivor and has been well. she does so much for us, it is quite amazing. i do hope they do find a cure one day for it, after seeing what she had to go through, it must be hard for all the other women and men out there that do have to go through it. to this day, i am a huge supporter for the fight of breast cancer and live strong campaign. hope you are too. after a while my dad asked him a few questions and i walked in to the conversation and the doctor said they maybe was a slight chance for a cure, maybe within the next few years. with today technological advances anything is possible. well to tired to write anymore, it is time for bed but have a good night and a better tomorrow.

LiveStrong O_o

today was suppose to be a day of working, what it turned out to be was a downer or bummer. my morning wasn’t so great, woke up at six thirty because of the pain killers wearing off; my foot was in a slight bit more of pain. my mom couldn’t see me suffer anymore and she decided we would head down to see the chiropractor but he wasn’t available due to family issues. then we went to see if my cousin knew anybody and had no luck there. as the day went on i rested on the couch, i knew what would be coming tomorrow and needed all the rest i could take. the pain i am in i can control, one wrong move and i pull the muscle and hurt myself, my parents are afraid if i don’t get this fixed now that it could come back later when i am older and haunt me and might possibly be worse. as if that wasn’t enough; i got an email reminder to pay my classes. if i didn’t i would lose them. well because i got a non passing grade during summer the school decided to deny my chance at getting aid. my tuition jumped to a whopping eight hundred dollars minus books. i had to drop out of a class in order to make a slight payment to even keep my classes. i am very bummed about that, but this isn’t getting me down that easily. i am a fighter and have always been. i want to rant out but what would be the point, it is my fault i could have gotten a better grade, formulas and steps are more difficult to follow sometimes for me. if i made this mistake it is time for me to take responsibility for my actions and put blame on me instead of the world. i do put myself down sometimes but i have to in order for me to learn not to do it again. i believe in myself as well as other see expectations in me too. i glad some people do believe. now it is my turn to appreciate everybody for that and show them there encouragement meant the world to me. i am very sorry if i have let anyone down, my time is now! i am seeing to much i don’t want to see. that is enough of my day, how was yours?

being responsible O_o

i was woken up by a know it all, wasn’t a great morning. had to rant but enough of that; it is over and done with. with some delay i was able to get just enough rest to recover but still have some pain. as the day progressed it did just that. we worked hard and it paid off, literally. out of the blue my friend asked me if i would join him to see a movie and said sure, even though i was dead tired; but it is rare this happens and when it does i know there is a deeper meaning to just hanging out. sure enough i was right, we got to talking while i munched down on my bbq buffalo wings, everything spilled out, the movie wasn’t until midnight, well ten minutes before so we had a little time to spare. on our way to the theater more and more information was released, because all he needed was just a second opinion. while at the theaters a fight almost broke out, we were two rows behind it and saw everything, i did miss a small portion of the movie  because of them arguing because the second party was on the phone; i mean hello who does that?! step outside and take your call but not while the movie has already started. don’t want to spoil the movie but it involves dreaming. there was much hype on the movie and it turned out to be a great summer movie; i recommend everyone to see it. what they do in the movie has happen to me before but in real life, not by being hooked up to a machine. in conclusion, in a way i need to get out, needed to clear up the old noggin, everything at work, home  and brother moving away is all too much for one day. thanks but it is now time to rest. i hope you can figure out what you need to do.

to dreaming big O_o

just got up from a much needed nap, lasted an hour or two, these past couple of days have been crazy, filled with some strange information. most of the week all my thoughts have gone towards a family situation. why is it that i care too much?! i know the situation at hand is out of my control but i pray and wish the best for my uncle and my family. i have nothing to offer, i can’t go visit because i have no passport. it is now time to get it, i don’t want to feel bad if something bad were to happen and i couldn’t visit. my uncle, even before his current state was a good uncle, he has done a lot for us brothers, well mainly me because i was the only one to care. i don’t know what will happen but you are in my prayers unk. as much as it pains me to say i get that frog in the throat feeling every time i think about it. my parents left again this morning to go visit and i had to go run errands, i couldn’t complain this time because they absolutely had to be taken care of today. i just hope that he can fight with his all to get better. by the end of it all i can think is i really hope he gets well soon.

get well soon O_o

well my parents just arrived, wished my pops a happy birthday, he is now three decades older then me, it is crazy to think he still looks young for his age despite the peper hair, in his line of work i know how hard it is, if anyone thinks there job is hard, i beg to differ, i would put my salary on it. i can guarantee that NO ONE can last a day in his shoes. that is a promise. he is my hero and i have always seen him like that, even when i found my report of the greatest hero ever; i listed him. i know he wants the best for all of us, everyone does. i am breaking my head trying to show my dad i can over come anything but right now i feel like i am going to explode, i stopped myself from having a headache by telling myself i had no time to deal with it and it went away shortly after getting back to my studies. what i thought was going to be easy really isn’t, this is the toughest thing i have ever done, try to manage two classes on my own time. even with all the time in the world i am afraid i am slipping from the good into the bad, i am not trying to sabotage myself because i love to learn, i just need a little time to be able to figure it all out, but the thing is i don’t have the time that i would need. my brain feels fried but i want to keep moving forward and on top of all that my parents just let me know that my uncle is really sick, he is in mexico and they were there visiting him again, when it’s not one thing it’s always another. can or will this family ever get a break. i guess me trying isn’t good enough, i guess i will have to do everything to pull through on this one, i am seriously thinking of just rolling into a ball and letting go. i don’t know what to do anymore. in conclusion do i fight for what is right or just accept what is?

to needing it O_o

Stop feeding the flame!!!

O_o

WTF, CAN I HAVE 1 DAY WHERE THERE IS NO BICKERING OR NEGATIVITY. AS MUCH AS I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND GET AHEAD … I CAN’T!! I AM TIRED OF THIS PATTERN EVERY F**IN’ DAY. Is PEACE & TRANQUILITY too much to ask for?! huh?!?! sheeeeeeeeeeesh.

O_o