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Tag Archives: far

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

well, what a day! woke up early to find that it was pouring rain outside. epic failure. had so much planned and because of the rain it slimmed down my chances of getting things done, in a sense that me driving was highly doubtful because from what i read it said something like this would happen. class was very cold, even with my jacket and no air conditioner on, my body felt as if i was slammed around in a car after being hit by a truck and not to mention i was soaked from walking in the rain. my quiz i was studying for went well, i think i missed one question, i couldn’t remember a political name that was given during class and on my notes for one of the question. even with all that studying the simplest thing could be forgotten really easily. hope it doesn’t happen on my next quiz coming up in two week and even on my test. spent the day with the radio (npr) on and listening to the storm pass by while studying and reading my book, what a way to relax and let some inner stuff drain away. the only thing i was missing were a few things…were too far to reach for. what can one do?! i can’t seem to  shake off these feelings i have been having, i feel sore and tired. i think the yoga class from yesterday did a toll on me, it had been a while since going to a class or just exercising at home. also have found some new music with the radio. i know few people like my work but some people believe i am just playing around with it to see what fits; in no way do i play around with music, i have made a few samples but that was just testing out my skills. i really listen to everything and place the music at my fingertips and ears because without them; i don’t think i could call myself a dj. some laugh that i am, most ridicule and it doesn’t bother me. laugh it up. we all wan’t our fifteen minutes of fame and most don’t have the same minutes as others. i will continue to “create something out of nothing!” today will be calling it an way early night, got a busy morning and will need the rest. hope all have a safe and good night. sweet dreams.

O_o

is all that we see true? based on science it has been said that we perceive what we see is based off light reflected of an object into our optic nerve and the transmitted into the brain. i have been wondering this since today is the very first time in a while that i have actually sat down and watch television. i saw a few show with my parents and have been watching some episodes on paranormal occurrences. very creepy. lol took a break from the tv and sat outside with tumbler, stayed out there for a bit and was staring at the stars. i was staring at one in particular, it was quite amazing, as i stared it could have been my imagination or not but is was changing colors, kind of like a prism. that in a way was a high point of my day. crazy how something so far away can burn so bright. stars amaze me. 🙂

bright stars O_o

today was strange, an old friend started texting me, they first got a hold of me during class, had to let them know nicely, where i was. it is nearing the end real fast, what i thought seemed like an eternity of classes, it wasn’t. they said they were visiting their younger brother and were in the process of taking him home. it reminded me of mine, that post was to him; didn’t mean to confuse but guess can’t hide it now since i am now writing this.  he is not here with me right now, he is in his own place, the town of the “H” prepping for his new lease on life. even though we have grown up together we will be taking over three cities soon, some people don’t know but it has been said we are a trinity and are interlocked within each other. all of our names come from the big guy book, we are blood. even though the move is near, the geometrical plane seen is a triangle, it what we are. with this coming up so fast, i was asked if feelings were there, i tried to hide them from all. can’t let them see you down keeps popping into mind, but some people just know something wrong, an intuition. it is not good that it is happening because we have grown so close together these past couple of months. i have learned and i have taught. but even though change is near, i will miss the old, wont be able to do all that used to be done. but can’t be that selfish. it can’t always be about me, all who know me know this, i care for all, no matter the circumstances. i will never stop and hope i never will. it is what makes me; ME! in conclusion i could only ask to be safe and careful and tie up all loose ends before leaving so they do not come back and haunt you, like they have for us. much love kidd.

to known emotion O_o