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Tag Archives: failure

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

O_o

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what a spiraling day, it all started last night while dreaming; i was able to some how control the dream and what i did. it was as if my thought had a thought, i know it is hard to explain but it kind of reminded me of inception the movie, where they went into a dream state and in that dream state they had gone into another. i was thinking of what to do and my body would do just as i thought it. it was as if i could control my world. before i could get to controlling my dream i was woken up by my alarm. it was time for me to get up and get ready for school. after getting ready had some time and tried out the new coffee i had bought yesterday. it was really good. took off for school and learned a little bit more on the what was going on before the depression. i was awake, alert, excited to learn and what felt like a good mood. after leaving school to work i was early and decided to take some time and drive. made it to work and after heading inside is when the spiral of events began. everything went from good to bad to good to bad to good. by the time i knew it it was already time to go home. even though everything was spiraling out of control i remembered my dream and how i was controlling the dream, i did just that, i took the time to enjoy the slow traffic, in a sense that i was able to think in peace, without being distracted like usual when i get home. i had a lot to catch up on from school and work. i am taking time to get a really good grade, i am tired of failing. i don’t want to be a failure anymore. even though writing in my strong suit; i have too. i think i will be asking for help because i don’t know how to go about my research paper. i got the information but where do i sart; sort of thing. it is getting hard for me to think even though it is early. i just want to sleep. already ready for bed and going to sleep early. i hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o