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Tag Archives: epiphany

“I’ve been a walking heartache. I’ve made a mess of me. The person that i’ve been lately a’int who I want to be.”

music epiphany O_o

only have a few moment to write this but it has been a very busy day. lot of work. have stayed clear of the internet, had to turn off the wifi to work, i kept wanting to get distracted but by all means i prevailed. i was hit with epiphanies in the face today, literally. stuff is getting really heavy really fast. as if my mountains just blew up and are headed down the hill with an earth slide. you be safe out there, haven’t seen or talk to a few people that i would usually talk too. looks like every one is growing up and getting stuff done. miss you and love you(s). try to stay sane. school and work tomorrow. this is good night, sleep well and sweet dreams.

O_o

this has got to  have been one of the strangest and weirdest weekends i ever had. it all started friday morning. slept in and other stuff was going on around me at the same time and i didn’t even know about. as the day went on something happened that i am not very proud of and has never ever happen to me; my keys; well i rather not say because it is too embarrassing, to say out loud let alone to write down in text. because of a phone call all of my plans had to be rescheduled or mainly modified. i drove.

drove for a bit. arrived and was able to settle in for a few minutes before going to search for my brother. he was celebrating his return back from visiting asia. how cool is that! pretty rad if you ask me. found him and i had that silent tear; you know the single one that is just released from your eye when you  are extremely happy, yeah that one. we and some other friends conversed. meanwhile below the border my parents went to visit my sick uncle and take him to a specialist farther outside of the city and back here i arrived home and got to thinking if there were new plans in the near future. but there is still so much i need to accomplish before some plans can go into effect.

after waking up i wasn’t feeling so well, mold and ragweed were high, but the crazy thing is i have never been allergic until then, the day went on and we went to have a dinner party for a friend who was born half a century ago. i was continuing to feel bad, i cut the night was short and headed home. i was almost asleep when i got a phone call to be a designated driver. i picked up my brother and friend from the road and returned back home to sleep. meanwhile i had received another call from my parents earlier that day that they were safely on there way back; or so i thought.

i was woken up to tumbler (my dog) getting sick and puking on the carpet. of course i had to get up really fast and remove and clean. i did just that. i had a few things to do. well more then a few. when i got to the dishes my mind stopped running a thousand miles an hour. i think the sound of water calms me down or maybe the feeling of water. i have yet to figure out what it is. by this time my parents were already home. i left this afternoon to go home. i was driven and met halfway through. we stayed for a bit and said our goodbyes after a little quality time that was there. on the way home my parents let me know what had happened. this is where it gets weird and strange.

apparently every time we had visited that part of the city we always end up losing and animal dearest to us. my mom had told me that our old dog had a cold for a few days now. even with all the care and medicine it didn’t help. my dad let her run free and she just walked to the back of the shed. normally she was a strong and brilliant dalmatian. she had a lot of what tumbler has know, i think he picked it up from her and some pointers from me as well. my dad said she was in plain sight and then she disappeared. my dad went looking for her when she wouldn’t answer her name being called out. she had walked farther away from from the house and removed herself from sight when she passed away. she passed away of natural causes, she was quite old. but she like our other dogs and pups will never be forgotten. we will miss you brittany, we love you girl. may you rest in peace and go visit our other canine family in doggy heaven. and if that wasn’t enough to bare, the kept going and told me what happened on the return trip.

while on their way back from the doctor and passing all the check points they were stopped by a federal cop truck and pulled off the side of the road. my dad was wondering what he had done wrong. it was broad daylight and he wasn’t drunk or speeding or being reckless in anyway shape or form. the official asked my dad to step out of the car and pop the trunk and hood of the rental car. he inspected the hood quickly and then returned farther away from the car with the trunk still opened. he asked my dad several questions. my dad answered with no problem. it was until the official assumed my dad had money and was lying. on a side note my dad has never done any of that, he is a well respected contractor in the business. he normally doesn’t carry a high amount of money on his person. as the official he told him that he would be going to jail. he brought out handcuffs and asked him what he wanted to do, at this point my dad was thinking that he was never going to see his wife, kids and family ever again. he was thinking the worst possible. as i am hearing this i am furious and thinking to myself, if anything like that ever were to happen i would pull the sort of stunt that you see in movies. i’ll just leave it at that.

he offered his last one hundred dollar bill to the official, mind you the officer had a loaded machine gun. while all this is going on my mom, aunt and uncle are in the car trying to listen and see what is going on. but they can’t since they were far away from the car. no one around for miles. they told him that he was going to jail and whoever was in the car would go about there business. at the same time there are three other men in the truck and also with loaded weapons. my dad highly believe what was going down was, what has been seen on the news lately over the border. with the offering my dad said that was his last hundred dollar bill and it was for the return trip home. the man was furious and said if he wanted them back that he would be sent to jail. the man refused to take the money where the others would see and the official asked him to make it as if they were shaking hands to make the swap. luckily the man let them go. my dad was saying at that moment in time he felt his life was just worth a hundred dollars and that the other guy could care less what happened next.

as they pressed on to reach the border my dad said he felt dead inside. no feeling what so ever. literally as if his life flashed before his eyes. he said no matter what until this drug war and corruption continues he would not return; until it is fixed. by the looks of things doen’t look like it will be stopping anytime soon. as soon as they hit american soil was when he felt alive again. we were on protected and safe soil. with great appreciation of cops and other s who serve, he know saw why we our such a great country.

my mom was saying what would happen if it did actually happen. but instead i swayed her mind from thinking like that and know there is a higher power that can protect with some faith. i didn’t know whether to me sad or angry at what happened but all i know is that i had the biggest epiphanies this weekend due to everything that happened this weekend. there are other missing parts to this story but i am choosing to leave them out. it makes me angry at what they are doing., hurting innocent people for a few extra bucks in their pocket tax free. there is more i would like to say but can’t.

some things will be looked into because of my epiphanies, let’s just see what happens. i am extremely tired and i wish everyone stays safe. have a good night and dream happy dreams.

O_o

“earth, air, fire and water are the four elements of life, each one can stand on it’s own and can also help one another or hurt one another, they are each a different state but all connected as one.” i just had an epiphany while being outside trying to help, i look up and reminded me of what we talked about, it came to mind old friend, buddy, ol’ pal, i can see and do things that may cloud your judgement but the things you say are not meant to knock me down but you don’t see it that way, when you speak you may find truth in the words by the way you perceive it. i on the other hand don’t see it that way, but we all need a little help sometimes looking at things from another point of view. whether what you think is right and wrong for you, is just that, it is for YOU and not me.

if you feel the things you say may hurt me, think again, nothing can bring me down, back then maybe, i used to be a push over, back then, now not so much but every now and then i do see a little of me falling into that state. we have been through and seen a lot. when i see you i can see past all the mess and can see the truth. we are one in the same; like a yin yang; you know my strengths and my weaknesses just i can read yours. things got a little sour during the conversation but we came to an understanding, what you want in life is totally up to you and your destiny to follow, not mine, and vise versa. i look at the big picture in everything and correct me if i am wrong but i think you just see what you want to see.

as i was standing outside trying to help i went into a different state of mind that i haven’t ever been, everything was so clear, like it just went *poof* but when i was interrupted it all went away. whether it is because of something, i can achieve greatness. you just have to let me, as i am about to let you. what ever may come of my new ideals, i don’t really know. i hope for the best for me as i do for all.

in conclusion, i don’t know how this will get to you but i am sending to you. how you take it is up to you. what you do with it is up to you. but as far as for me; here i go!

e.a.f.w.l. O_o

[this is how you would not start a paper, but this is how I was taught to try to put emphasis on something, enjoy.]

Define: EPIPHANY? according to to dictionaries epiphany is defined as a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. it also is usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight. well; while spending time with the family seemed like the right thing to today, there was a conversation about close relatives and the tone of voice that was used was very strong and powerful, when it hits me like a red school-like building crumbling on top of me that my family was throwing subconscious puns at me even though I was not involved in the situation.

when I visited my family several days ago they continued the ridicule and mocking that I never liked before, it felt as if my dignity was being stripped from me and being shown to everyone who I really was not and they assumed since I am “blood family” that I was becoming like them, in any way possible. I choose and was taught a better life to not be like “them,” I DO NOT want the things they have … yet! I need to continue doing what I need to do to get ahead. it is very hard work and will continue every single waking day of my life and from that am determined to succeed NO MATTER WHAT!!!

well with that floating in a mushy, grey, jello like substance above the eyes I came to the realization that I think I understand what happened several days ago. this was like seeing what I should have seen, everything became clearer and window clearer; I could be wrong but let me know otherwise. I think you think I am independent and on my feet and am the person I am today because was shown to be this way, I am like half-and-half milk, I know much but not everything, I would like too but if I am not shown I can not learn. people quote to “follow your heart and your mind will follow” well why can’t it be the other way around?

because scientifically speaking the heart is an organ that helps pump blood through the body where the mind; as beautiful as can be, is a state of mind where information is stored and saved away for a “rainy day,” In a dream, I continue to see smiles, laughs, and meets eye to eye with me. I awake knowing that it was a dream and if it could be like other dreams that have been events of premonitions and become a deja vu feeling that would be the most uplifting and grateful thing. I know you want to reach that “state,” everyone wants too; yes, even me! I know it was the hardest thing you had to do, but if you say it needed to happen for you to reach that “state,” let it be.

I am taking a wild guess and think you think that you may miss out on what eles is out there if this were to settle. I realized after hearing my folks everyone needs to stop telling me how to run my life and for me to take initiative and do what I think is the right thing to do. I think we are in the same part of the boat, but I just reached the same part with your help. you probably will not take credit for when I tell you, you have taught me from your doing. yes it is a hard thing to accept, I think I understand a little bit more of what you are thinking. how I never saw it that way is puzzling to me. I would like to know what you might be afraid to tell me.

the days feel like they are all the same and not being days but mini portions of events that are making things worse in my head. I just have to get some courage and I could find out what I need to, maybe a lot more, which I do hope for. that is not my decision to make.

to liking to know O_o