Skip navigation

Tag Archives: end

I guess yesterday’s paper was right. Was going to feel like I was hit by a bus. It’s only at the end of the day where I can piece every thing together.

it happened again O_o

Advertisements

i just got out of the shower with a refreshed feeling. i feel as is i have washed away a few weights of my shoulders and feel that what i wrote early had been picking at my finger tips to get out. i have normally stayed quiet about a lot of things, i think it is time for a change. it is time for me to be outspoken. getting tired of never having a voice or being heard. this ends now. i hope everyone had a good day but it is time for me to get some rest and hit the books again tomorrow. be safe. have a good night and sleep well with sweet dreams.

O_o

woah, had a super busy day. first i was woken up at three in the morning because it was really cold, grabbed the bigger blanket and went straight to sleep before i knew it i was dreaming. it was pretty amazing, it is the nearly the second time i have had it, from what i have been told the more it repeats it is likely to happen. if it happens i won’t let the moment pass me by. after that i woke up expecting an easy day. it is friday and almost a candy holiday. i was really cold that for the first time in a while i pulled out carol; my favorite fur hoodie, i went to school and finally my professor decides to give us some news; he said it would be good news and then dropped the test bomb on us today, it is on monday, so much for me trying to have a relaxing weekend. he went through the last chapter very quickly and by the time i began to realize i was missing some notes my arm started to cramp up. i think it the cold and when i got hit in my forearm a long time ago but luckily what ever i missed was recorded on my phone. i hope i can hear it. after that i headed into work, i was also expecting something off since it already happened before. sure enough, i was handed about fifty letters or more to write and make a envelope for and mail out. they said what ever i didn’t finish i could come in on saturday and finish or save until monday. i decided to get through them all. i even skipped lunch to try and get as much done as possible. finally brought a grilled chicken sandwich and scarfed it down for a quarter lunch and went back to work. i had to stay after hours with another coworker who was finishing up some other work. finally finished about an hour later then usual. turned in all the letters to the mail room and filled a a small basket. headed home and traffic was still heavy and made my way home. i wanted so bad to sleep but with the little energy i had stayed awake. i changed into something more comfortable and just laid on the couch. went to the store and got me a grilled turkey sub, i jammed it up with all the vegetables and more with some mustard and a jug of water. i was so full, the water did most of the trick. i think i need a break from everything. i am going to take that camping trip next week. jut for a day or two. going to see if i can retrieve my tent back and off i go. it is settled. i am already for bed and it is early, i am feeling like an old timer. stay safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

today has got me thinking. i joined my friend and other friends in a race way out in the middle of no where. the scenery was like the one i had in my dream before i woke up this morning before we went there. it was just like when me and my brothers took our drive out of state to see one of the eight world wonders. it was very lush. of course some of it was man made but the rest was nature at it’s best. many things still left to do and the week is coming to an end. a new one is beginning at there are more things that will need to be get done, as far as tomorrow it will be really busy. i hope all had a good day. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

what a day! today was exhausting and it is only thursday. i have a lot of homework to do this weekend and a lot of reading and notes to take to make up for the day i missed. after class today i was very energized and i got to work and knew it was going to be a long day. i had a few hours to make up. taking a long lunch, everyone has been great, i am glad to work there. i know is is coming to an end soon but something else is getting closer by the days. i am excited and at the same time very anxious. after that more to do and it looks like no breaks anytime soon. tomorrow will be my busiest day ever. so much to do in a short amount of time. am way too tired even after a short nap to go into great detail. but i hope everyone had a good day. i did, i was working for nine hours. if you can imagine being on your feet for that long it is tiring. i wish all to have a good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

how can i put this? been trying to figure out at what angle to go at this. just need a little bit of time to try to figure out what to say.

here it goes O_o

wow! really?! that has got to be one of the most frequent things i have been hearing about myself from others lately. i am too nice! was talking with some old friends today and have found out that; for the fourth and fifth time now; that i am a nice person. it seems to be portrayed as a bad thing. when can i show the world that good does still exist in this world and it’s a good thing?! really guys. c’mon! i couldn’t believe my ears. is being “bad” a good thing?! i live my life “safe” as some people believe to be a bad thing; for the reason that i have been through hell and back. for those who know me and my family know best; very few people actually do. i became the person you know today for personal reasons that i didn’t want to end up like a few, well many close relatives i know. it is a tragedy. breaks people’s hearts, especially even if one day you know you will one day get that phone call when something bad has happened or worse. is it wrong that a few beliefs i have can be appreciated by some, and not by all. but then again; it is my life! i am in no way saying i am perfect because i am not but still, live my life with morals to one day show others that not all we do can be a stigma and carry on with our legacy. i don’t know whether to be angry or disappointed. but after hearing it five times from different people, it astonishes me; really! i guess people’s perception of good is actually bad. wow! i really can’t believe it. even after this i still hope everyone has a great night. deuce.

por siempre O_o

while sleeping I had a great dream, a lot of what happened in my dream was great but that is another story I will make at a later time; when and if it actually happens. today began my conquest of trying to get everything ready for school. I went really early to see the director of the program for my degree and was the first one in his office. I told him what I wanted to do and he twenty questioned my points and views and i passed! he approved of my internship slot and he went over the trial and tribulations of what needed to be done during the internship. I have my heart set on one place for the sole reason that NO ONE has ever thought of going that route. I just have to hunt down another chairman and director of this location to get the “green light.” I really want to have this under my belt for future references and have been told by many and several past workers they like my work ethics and when I am determined to get something to not stop until I have it. I have been told if I were to ever need anything to not hesitate to ask because they were put in my path for a reason. the reason may never be know but discovered. i do have back up places but since it is a job, I may consider it in the future, I need everything to check out and be on point. I am very nervous and thrilled that I was one of twenty five to get the internship class through that director. I don’t want to be a disappointment but a great candidate for a future consideration of any opportunity that may possibly come my way one day. with everything I do there are a few things that need to be done before the end. I am only on day one! I know this is just the beginning but I have to get this done now. I never thought I would ever say this but it feels like a “now or never” kind of moment. and need all the help I can get.

to [blank] O_o

this is what was thrown at me today and couldn’t be more true. “Your attention is likely to be focused on financial matters and trying to make a better life for yourself, but you may be involved in a clash of ideals as to what constitutes a ‘better life.’ You need to be sure not to pick bits of this and bits of that from different causes to try to support your position; trust in your integrity and your intuition, and that way you’ll find your own words and stand for your own ideals.” I do hate to say it but they are right, I feel some days that I am under-appreciated for all that I do and get no acknowledgement for what I do, a simple thank you would be in order. but NO! I always get the shaft on everything I do. I ask for one little favor when more then a few have been requested and what I get is a complain or a non-follow through putting the blame on someone or something else. I know that the guilt will kick in and it will over power the emotions. if the favor would have been taken care of like asked and not altered because you HAD to be somewhere and can’t take into consideration that I cleared my schedule to go get your things. I have never asked for any favors, but when I do I get no end result. who does that?! i don’t want to be an asshole brother and say no and make you do it but have a little consideration for the future. that’s all I ask. in conclusion it looks like I will have to make my life more difficult and take matters into my own two hands, I hate too but that is what it is pushing towards.

truth hurts O_o

today was strange, an old friend started texting me, they first got a hold of me during class, had to let them know nicely, where i was. it is nearing the end real fast, what i thought seemed like an eternity of classes, it wasn’t. they said they were visiting their younger brother and were in the process of taking him home. it reminded me of mine, that post was to him; didn’t mean to confuse but guess can’t hide it now since i am now writing this.  he is not here with me right now, he is in his own place, the town of the “H” prepping for his new lease on life. even though we have grown up together we will be taking over three cities soon, some people don’t know but it has been said we are a trinity and are interlocked within each other. all of our names come from the big guy book, we are blood. even though the move is near, the geometrical plane seen is a triangle, it what we are. with this coming up so fast, i was asked if feelings were there, i tried to hide them from all. can’t let them see you down keeps popping into mind, but some people just know something wrong, an intuition. it is not good that it is happening because we have grown so close together these past couple of months. i have learned and i have taught. but even though change is near, i will miss the old, wont be able to do all that used to be done. but can’t be that selfish. it can’t always be about me, all who know me know this, i care for all, no matter the circumstances. i will never stop and hope i never will. it is what makes me; ME! in conclusion i could only ask to be safe and careful and tie up all loose ends before leaving so they do not come back and haunt you, like they have for us. much love kidd.

to known emotion O_o

if you are wondering about the title it is pronounced (uhn-dur-dee-mee-cee-a-ted). lol. if you know what i am talking about i will carry on, if not, sorry. it has felt like that for the past couple of days, it has been a tough thing to come out of, the monkey and giraffe have help me out a lot…they tell me beats, poems/lyrics. i recently mentioned the word LIFE and threw it around left and right to people i have spoken too and have just got ten about the same reaction from all. in their head they are probably thinking i am crazy or mildly insane. but know this, i am perfectly sane! what i have come to realize or epiphanize if you will; that i can not fix everything! but favors that are dealt should be repaid, it should’t always have to be about it, it is replaceable. under the right circumstances it can easily be replaced. even though you are not here in my presence i hope you realize now that the world doesn’t all revolve around it. yes it helps, but for needs and not wants. i do hope that you get to understand this, i am telling you with my all, don’t jump because you want to, but jump because you have too. i know it is a huge leap in your life and i am very happy for you, i have never said this out loud but i do miss you. you are my best friend. and I LOVE YOU. just be careful. yeah i want to see you succeed just like everyone else but you better follow with what you said you were going to do. in the end, do what you love and love what you do.

to a new mountain O_o