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Tag Archives: emotion

i was able to post a few pictures of of the party. what i didn’t want to say yesterday was i thought i would never release emotions like i did on the drive back home. i was super grateful for the opportunity that was presented to me. i was sad that i was leaving it all behind and having to get back to the real world. i took some advice from a friend who recommended some classes online and have started listening to the classes. it was a logic class and everything they were mentioning i had already learned in philosophy class. i am going to get to learning and filling my brain with knowledge because i miss school and am excited to go back. catch you later.

O_o

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why do i feel like this? just driving, i can’t believe it. the last time was; well, a long time ago.

O_o

this is what was thrown at me today and couldn’t be more true. “Your attention is likely to be focused on financial matters and trying to make a better life for yourself, but you may be involved in a clash of ideals as to what constitutes a ‘better life.’ You need to be sure not to pick bits of this and bits of that from different causes to try to support your position; trust in your integrity and your intuition, and that way you’ll find your own words and stand for your own ideals.” I do hate to say it but they are right, I feel some days that I am under-appreciated for all that I do and get no acknowledgement for what I do, a simple thank you would be in order. but NO! I always get the shaft on everything I do. I ask for one little favor when more then a few have been requested and what I get is a complain or a non-follow through putting the blame on someone or something else. I know that the guilt will kick in and it will over power the emotions. if the favor would have been taken care of like asked and not altered because you HAD to be somewhere and can’t take into consideration that I cleared my schedule to go get your things. I have never asked for any favors, but when I do I get no end result. who does that?! i don’t want to be an asshole brother and say no and make you do it but have a little consideration for the future. that’s all I ask. in conclusion it looks like I will have to make my life more difficult and take matters into my own two hands, I hate too but that is what it is pushing towards.

truth hurts O_o

today was strange, an old friend started texting me, they first got a hold of me during class, had to let them know nicely, where i was. it is nearing the end real fast, what i thought seemed like an eternity of classes, it wasn’t. they said they were visiting their younger brother and were in the process of taking him home. it reminded me of mine, that post was to him; didn’t mean to confuse but guess can’t hide it now since i am now writing this.  he is not here with me right now, he is in his own place, the town of the “H” prepping for his new lease on life. even though we have grown up together we will be taking over three cities soon, some people don’t know but it has been said we are a trinity and are interlocked within each other. all of our names come from the big guy book, we are blood. even though the move is near, the geometrical plane seen is a triangle, it what we are. with this coming up so fast, i was asked if feelings were there, i tried to hide them from all. can’t let them see you down keeps popping into mind, but some people just know something wrong, an intuition. it is not good that it is happening because we have grown so close together these past couple of months. i have learned and i have taught. but even though change is near, i will miss the old, wont be able to do all that used to be done. but can’t be that selfish. it can’t always be about me, all who know me know this, i care for all, no matter the circumstances. i will never stop and hope i never will. it is what makes me; ME! in conclusion i could only ask to be safe and careful and tie up all loose ends before leaving so they do not come back and haunt you, like they have for us. much love kidd.

to known emotion O_o

been busy all day, for some reason have felt super in myself, like I am figuring myself from the inside out. while I was eating found some beads and some string and thought I would do something beyond my control. it doesn’t mean that I want to change religion, but I do like how buddhist are at peace with oneself and their surrounding (ex. nature, elements, etc.) which is what I have felt like these past couple of days, on a side note it is not that I am being anti-social staying away from the computer as much as possible unless if I really need it for school work. looked somethings up while I was filling out some problems and entering them in my homework section of my online class and stumbled across this;

“oneness of life and light, entrusting in your great compassion, may you shed the foolishness in myself, transforming me into a conduit of love…” – buddhism

what is strange about this is that many people in my life have mentioned to me that I look like and resemble a buddah statue. i took a little bit of spare time and made a mala (buddah prayer beads) it is black onyx which I am finding to be that it resembles and feels powerful. but in conclusion I am just looking into something new. spiritually. emotionally. and physically.

to new discoveries O_o

what people don’t know wont hurt them, right?! WRONG!!!!! On 4/20/2010 it mark a Special Day and a Horrific Day for ME, the special day was a 6 monthsary (month + anniversary) of being together with –SomeOneSpecial– and had constant reminders and epiphanies about how life is, that many few people know of me, a stupid, reckless, careless, nieve, old persona I USED too be and in that horrific day marked 6 years of me being in a “state” I wish no one would endure for any reason what so ever, it was a scary time for me and it changed me to the person YOU know today and knew/know nothing of my past.

“my only weakness is you,

only reason is you,

every minute with you

I feel like I can do anything,

you changed my whole life”

This is a dreadful day for me because it always reminds me of a “what if” moment, it only happens once a year and frightens me EVERY TIME but I am SUPER glad I was able to keep constant reminder of what is more important to me and you brought me back to reality and not to dwell on the past because it would bring me down. There is NO more down, all I see is up, Up, UP! Thank You. I’m not sure if you/anyone will understand this.

O_o