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i first off have to say happy new years everyone, twenty-ten was good to me and i hope twenty-eleven will grant me all the wishes i have ever asked for in the past. i need to thank everyone for inviting me and making the masquerade baller happen. it is early and i am already awake. i was surprised as most people were during the party, i was nervous for the whole day and was in need of some help, with a simple conversation i was finally able to calm down, thank for your help. going to head to breakfast and enjoy the new year. i meant everything i told you. have a great day. =)

O_o

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this has got to have been one of the saddest days i witnessed. i say sad because we got word this morning that a close relative on my moms side passed away because of aids, we were up in the morning trying to figure out arrangement for my mom to head down south of the border to meet up with the rest of the families. me and my older brother were on the verge of actually driving down there and dropping them off at the border and buy them bus tickets for my mom and my dad to reach the small town. it hurt me to see my mom down and unable to process and think clearly. luckily there was a friend of the family heading down there because of what had happened and were asked if they could take them. they accepted and we rushed our parents into town and they were able to make it safely there. i was able to spend some one on one time with my brother and tumbler. but then after that time was over he had to go back to his home. even though he left a few hours ago i miss the guy, after he left i jumped on the old computer and began finding old playlist i made back when we go the computer; a little more then a decade ago. i am getting tired and have a list of things to do since no one will be here and have to take care of everything while everyone is away. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

what a day, woke up early to take the dog out and wait for the cable guy. the internet has been going out and so has the cable box and the appointment was today early in the morning to get it fixed. since the problem could not be fixed we got all boxes switched out. the guy took around an hour and i really had to get to my parents house. after i signed my soul away on the contract and the cable guy left, i got ready and headed to my parents house. we are going to have family over for christmas and i had to remove a few things from the room. i was there mostly all day with out a single bite to eat. i was too concentrated on getting everything fixed up and organized. on the drive home is when it hit me that i hadn’t eaten since the morning, i had a bowl of cereal. finally i had eaten and i woke up from a slight nap a little while ago. i still have more stuff to do tomorrow and i am cutting it really short. time for me to get some real sleep. i hope all had a good day. be safe. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

i was up really early starting my day. i traveled the whole city. i scaled building and felt like a drone, as if something was controlling me from the inside. then the worst part of my day was after eating lunch; my jaw has been feeling tight and today of all days my wisdom tooth erupted even more and it was giving me a splitting headache. the kind of headaches that can bring a person down and make them want to rip their hair out. it was one of those. holidays are near and trying to run around the city trying to get everything i can. i hope all had a good day. had to take some medicine again and it kicking in. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

i was finally able to buckle myself down to the seat and get my reports completed. tomorrow is my last day and must have all my stuff turned in for my classes. if i get a really good grade on my final i will be grateful that my hard work paid off. i know i procrastinated a bit but i think i work well under a deadline. today i only had my daily dose of two cups of coffee and i think the caffeine is wearing out and i am getting sleepy. good luck to all who are in finals this week. i know i will be needing it tomorrow. since i am done i am going to try and get some rest before trying to hibernate with the weeks that follow. i hope all had a good day. i love you folks. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

got a little bit of free time today to meet up with my friend and free up some overloaded brain cells. i still have a long way to go before i can officially rest. i am borderline about to have an anxiety break down. i skipped my running to try to get my work done. it helped a bit. but what isn’t helping are my wisdom teeth coming in and me having a headache because of it. it almost to the point where i would take some pliers and rip them out myself but the dentist already told me that if i mess with them and pull the main nerve, that it would hurt really bad. i am taking some pills to get rid of the pain for now and heading to bed, i have got my first final in the morning. i miss you folks. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

i just realized today that there is one month left in the year. there is a lot i have to catch up on. it is not a lot but what i am doing is bold. enough to be crazy. but here goes nothing. if it can be done it will come alive. i am anxious to see what is. i will be waiting too on my library certificate when i finish being the intern. today went well, better then other days. had to learn and broaden my horizon for the new things i was taught today. it was fairly easy but tried it three times to get it perfect. i am tired from almost knocking out my heart out of my chest when i went running earlier, it felt good to get out, feel the cold while running with tumbler. it had been a while. going to sleep already. got to see a professor about some paperwork for this semester and the next. i hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

i don’t want to be mean but some people need to know what to say before they speak. i know you folks are misinformed but look it up. what i study shall not be brought up during work, especially when the boss is around. that is termination talk. i know you probably got mad when i wouldn’t explain myself, but what i do is my business. my religion has nothing to do with it, i told you as much as i wanted to so you could think about it and if you are interested you will look it up online.

on another not the semester is coming near a halt. i don’t know what i should do but i do know how to get there. as crazy as that sounds. i feel like just curling up in a dark room to see what happens. i have worked hard but what i really want is to work full time with what i have learned. i like working, i do not slack, i press on even though i am there fo a short period of time. i know what i was put on this earth to do. yes i figured it out mom and dad all by myself. there is one thing i am waiting for and i wish you would say it.

i have had to many things blow through my brain today. i wanted to relax and after work my parents wanted me to get them the third toy story, it was sad but really good. made me think a lot more after the movie. started looking for my journal and i found something, i had forgotten about it but not sure how to go at it. i wrote the few ideas down, if they work, they work! if they don’t then i will modify them until they do work. it is time to sleep, hope all had a good day. may you have a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

woke up around mid-day, had my brunch and two cups of coffee and went on my day. cleaned, laid down, read, wrote and ate until i headed off to the store with my family. while at the store i found two small statues of a bodhisattva. i have started some study of buddhism but i have to start slow because the end result is tough but a good outcome. found a few other things i need too but that will have to wait for later. i hope all had a good day, school and life starts back up tomorrow. you have a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

everything was good, i was okay with the family, we were all laughing and what not while eating turkey. once we were done i sat down on the couch, watching my little brother pack his clothes and waiting to say goodbye because he had to work for black friday and he lives far away. while he was almost done we got a phone call, i could hear someone talking on the phone saying okay we will be there right away. i knew it wasn’t anybody from my family because we were all accounted for. it turns out it was a distant family member and they were in town and they were lost. automatically i was thrown in the pool to go get them and take them where ever they needed to go. every year it is te same thing! i want to relax and someone always has to ruin it. call me mean or whatever but i was home to relax. something i have been wanting to do for a very long time but no! i had to do other things then relax. i don’t think i ever can remember a time when we have had no interruptions and been able to celebrate this thankful day in peace. i am not angry just a little annoyed that this always happens. but i am over it and going to sleep. i hope all had a wonderful thanksgiving holiday break. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

only have a few moment to write this but it has been a very busy day. lot of work. have stayed clear of the internet, had to turn off the wifi to work, i kept wanting to get distracted but by all means i prevailed. i was hit with epiphanies in the face today, literally. stuff is getting really heavy really fast. as if my mountains just blew up and are headed down the hill with an earth slide. you be safe out there, haven’t seen or talk to a few people that i would usually talk too. looks like every one is growing up and getting stuff done. miss you and love you(s). try to stay sane. school and work tomorrow. this is good night, sleep well and sweet dreams.

O_o

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o