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WOW! I can not believe the news I just received over the phone once again. I just lost another dear old friend of mine and in less then a week too. I hate to see you go but I know you are in a better place now and you have to suffer no more. This year is coming to an end very quickly and I have lost too many good people in my life so far. May you both Rest In Peace and know you will always be remembered and never be forgotten.

Much Love O_o

It’s sad to know how you went but know this, you have completed what you were sent here to do. Thanks for any and all your help. May they catch the guy who did this to you.

RIP Friend O_o

I have finally returned from a far away place. I never thought I had it in me too see, but now I see the world a lot more clearer. Though you are six feet under, you will live on in our hearts. You were on of my favorites and I can truly and honestly say you were the top ones. I am glad you did not suffer at the very end, though I asked for peace and sounded bad; I know you are at peace.

We’ll miss you.

O_o

how much is too much? there is information one can’t un-know or un-see. part of me tell me he will come out okay and everything will be fine and the other half of me thinks that if it comes to the worse, it would be best to let go and wish for the best. i don’t really know if i am being selfish but it is in your hands now. whatever decision you make will be okay with me as long as i am able to say goodbye.

O_o

well its been about a week now, it was time to get stuff done for a change, i am starting off the new year with some not so great news, in these past two months our family has lost three people because of illnesses. i don’t know what else is happening around the world, just in my world. we received a phone call early in the morning about the passing away of a cousins’ child. he passed away of leukemia. a few days ago we had another relative pass away with aids; i did mention it before in my previous blogs. then we received news of my uncle being admitted in the hospital for unrelated occurrences. my parents had to go out of the state and well, country. i did have a great conversation and i am super glad i was able to talk to you today, like i told you there are days i just don’t know what to say. i do miss our long talks we used to have. there are a few things i wish for but i will have to wait and see what will happen. i have to go attend to my family right now. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

continuing from my other post. the more my parents talk about what happened the more angrier i got with my family. well actually i am more disgusted with them. i can’t stand when people segregate or discriminate for what ever reason. i know i have said it when i was younger and never knew the connotation behind it until one day i was threatened with my life and it is when i asked the principal what it meant. she explained to me what it was and ever since then had learned my lesson.

on a side note i am just glad that my parents and rest of the family is home safely. i had completed everything i needed to do while my parents were away and what they asked me to do too. i was a little inspired and started on a new project that will debut soon. i hope all had a good day, it is late and going to fall asleep soon. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

my parents are home safe from mexico and the funeral but the problems that come after a passing are horrible. the gentleman who passed away was a family member on my moms side, he had passed away with aids. the family believes that it’s like leprosy. they thought it is the worse thing that can happen to someone. by doctors orders they had to burn his stuff. to me it’s bad to hear. there is more I have to say I just need to recollect my thoughts.

O_o

this has got to have been one of the saddest days i witnessed. i say sad because we got word this morning that a close relative on my moms side passed away because of aids, we were up in the morning trying to figure out arrangement for my mom to head down south of the border to meet up with the rest of the families. me and my older brother were on the verge of actually driving down there and dropping them off at the border and buy them bus tickets for my mom and my dad to reach the small town. it hurt me to see my mom down and unable to process and think clearly. luckily there was a friend of the family heading down there because of what had happened and were asked if they could take them. they accepted and we rushed our parents into town and they were able to make it safely there. i was able to spend some one on one time with my brother and tumbler. but then after that time was over he had to go back to his home. even though he left a few hours ago i miss the guy, after he left i jumped on the old computer and began finding old playlist i made back when we go the computer; a little more then a decade ago. i am getting tired and have a list of things to do since no one will be here and have to take care of everything while everyone is away. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

it is 5 am and today is the anniversary of the passing of my moms aunt.

rip O_o

done with dinner, a while ago of course. i remembered after getting from work what today was. it is a mexican family tradition to honor the people who have passed away. i know the people who were closest in my life who i knew or even didn’t know that well are in a better place. i am still reminded everyday when i see a passing about my incident and how i am grateful for surveying. but i see life in a new perspective and i see the beauty in death now. i learned along time ago what not to do, ever since that day the haunting scares me every now and then. it is something i want to forget but at the same time if i do it may be possible it will occur again. i would rather not mess with my life or another, ever! i know what pain and distrust i caused and i am barely trying to gain that trust back. even with a busy day i doze off for a minute or two and had the strangest vertigo feeling after that i was jumped into a dream or quite possibly a hallucination, i don’t know if it was a dream or a view into the future but i can totally write that movie. and i found a mark in a book that pretty much gave me an answer i was looking for. the idea is still fresh and is written down, now just trying to figure out how to make it a hard-copy. got  few thing i will be starting after i finish with all of my school work. going to start on one right after hoping i have enough time. i will be starting a draft this weekend on my first camping trip in two years. sun, rain or even snow can’t stop my ideas but it sure can influence what happens next. i am very excited for this. i have done nothing but go to school and work, i am finally going to take a break from all technology, well almost, the will be a camera for documentation but that is about all the technology that will be with me. i hope all had a good day, it is time to sleep to start tomorrow refreshed and ready to do what needs to get done. good night and sweet dreams.

love O_o

 

what people don’t know wont hurt them, right?! WRONG!!!!! On 4/20/2010 it mark a Special Day and a Horrific Day for ME, the special day was a 6 monthsary (month + anniversary) of being together with –SomeOneSpecial– and had constant reminders and epiphanies about how life is, that many few people know of me, a stupid, reckless, careless, nieve, old persona I USED too be and in that horrific day marked 6 years of me being in a “state” I wish no one would endure for any reason what so ever, it was a scary time for me and it changed me to the person YOU know today and knew/know nothing of my past.

“my only weakness is you,

only reason is you,

every minute with you

I feel like I can do anything,

you changed my whole life”

This is a dreadful day for me because it always reminds me of a “what if” moment, it only happens once a year and frightens me EVERY TIME but I am SUPER glad I was able to keep constant reminder of what is more important to me and you brought me back to reality and not to dwell on the past because it would bring me down. There is NO more down, all I see is up, Up, UP! Thank You. I’m not sure if you/anyone will understand this.

O_o