Skip navigation

Tag Archives: days

well its been about a week now, it was time to get stuff done for a change, i am starting off the new year with some not so great news, in these past two months our family has lost three people because of illnesses. i don’t know what else is happening around the world, just in my world. we received a phone call early in the morning about the passing away of a cousins’ child. he passed away of leukemia. a few days ago we had another relative pass away with aids; i did mention it before in my previous blogs. then we received news of my uncle being admitted in the hospital for unrelated occurrences. my parents had to go out of the state and well, country. i did have a great conversation and i am super glad i was able to talk to you today, like i told you there are days i just don’t know what to say. i do miss our long talks we used to have. there are a few things i wish for but i will have to wait and see what will happen. i have to go attend to my family right now. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

been practicing one of my lost art these past couple of days with everyone i speak with, most of the people who don’t understand look at me strange but i know that as long as i know i have been speaking it for a long time now but nobody knows that. people see my family and see what they want to see. when we are all together we roll in six strong, bros, aunt, mom, dad and me. been thinking these past couple of days, i told myself it was my turn; and for the most part it has but i still haven’t figured somethings out. i can’t ask my family for help but the person i can ask is … me! i need to figure out everything before it gets too late, it feels like my drive is on cruise at a high rate of speed, i used to be careless about things but i have looked at what has happend and i have become more careful with everything. not sure why. pretty soon i think around here is going to start feeling like it did before. even though i had everything, i didn’t have anything. i have accepted i am a fuck up and have issues to deal with but we all have them. i think as long as i can fix one at a time i will be fine, maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow but maybe soon. i can’t keep too much bottled up because if i do i know i will shut down and i will go nuclear. i don’t want that to happen. i am optimistic and that’s what make me, well, me. maybe a tweak here and there but i like who i am. in conclusion i guess i just need to open up, haven’t spoke to anyone about what’s swirling around but a white screen that i can enter text into. i know talking is better but there are just moments i can’t even open my mouth too.

one more time O_o

if you are wondering about the title it is pronounced (uhn-dur-dee-mee-cee-a-ted). lol. if you know what i am talking about i will carry on, if not, sorry. it has felt like that for the past couple of days, it has been a tough thing to come out of, the monkey and giraffe have help me out a lot…they tell me beats, poems/lyrics. i recently mentioned the word LIFE and threw it around left and right to people i have spoken too and have just got ten about the same reaction from all. in their head they are probably thinking i am crazy or mildly insane. but know this, i am perfectly sane! what i have come to realize or epiphanize if you will; that i can not fix everything! but favors that are dealt should be repaid, it should’t always have to be about it, it is replaceable. under the right circumstances it can easily be replaced. even though you are not here in my presence i hope you realize now that the world doesn’t all revolve around it. yes it helps, but for needs and not wants. i do hope that you get to understand this, i am telling you with my all, don’t jump because you want to, but jump because you have too. i know it is a huge leap in your life and i am very happy for you, i have never said this out loud but i do miss you. you are my best friend. and I LOVE YOU. just be careful. yeah i want to see you succeed just like everyone else but you better follow with what you said you were going to do. in the end, do what you love and love what you do.

to a new mountain O_o