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Tag Archives: control

i woke up this morning with hiccups, i know how they happen but its probably been ages since i have had them. i am almost over this sinus build up i have acquired these past couple of days and when i woke up, i was in the weirdest mood. don’t know how to explain it but at best i can describe it as blank, no feeling, no thinking and no daydreaming. i normally do that several times a day, but not today. could it have been from concentrating on christmas and new years around the corner or could have the lunar eclipse had anything to do with it? it was lunar and the moon does control the waves in the ocean and the best thing that calms me down is water. even though i had a to do list on my hands i found other random stuff i had to do and made my list longer. tomorrow there the last minute thing i must do. enough of my rambling i am getting cold and when i get cold i tend to start falling asleep; which is happening now as i keep typing. i hope all had a great day! time for me to hibernate. lol. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

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i was up really early starting my day. i traveled the whole city. i scaled building and felt like a drone, as if something was controlling me from the inside. then the worst part of my day was after eating lunch; my jaw has been feeling tight and today of all days my wisdom tooth erupted even more and it was giving me a splitting headache. the kind of headaches that can bring a person down and make them want to rip their hair out. it was one of those. holidays are near and trying to run around the city trying to get everything i can. i hope all had a good day. had to take some medicine again and it kicking in. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

what a spiraling day, it all started last night while dreaming; i was able to some how control the dream and what i did. it was as if my thought had a thought, i know it is hard to explain but it kind of reminded me of inception the movie, where they went into a dream state and in that dream state they had gone into another. i was thinking of what to do and my body would do just as i thought it. it was as if i could control my world. before i could get to controlling my dream i was woken up by my alarm. it was time for me to get up and get ready for school. after getting ready had some time and tried out the new coffee i had bought yesterday. it was really good. took off for school and learned a little bit more on the what was going on before the depression. i was awake, alert, excited to learn and what felt like a good mood. after leaving school to work i was early and decided to take some time and drive. made it to work and after heading inside is when the spiral of events began. everything went from good to bad to good to bad to good. by the time i knew it it was already time to go home. even though everything was spiraling out of control i remembered my dream and how i was controlling the dream, i did just that, i took the time to enjoy the slow traffic, in a sense that i was able to think in peace, without being distracted like usual when i get home. i had a lot to catch up on from school and work. i am taking time to get a really good grade, i am tired of failing. i don’t want to be a failure anymore. even though writing in my strong suit; i have too. i think i will be asking for help because i don’t know how to go about my research paper. i got the information but where do i sart; sort of thing. it is getting hard for me to think even though it is early. i just want to sleep. already ready for bed and going to sleep early. i hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

i have been told to “make something out of nothing.” recently have been inspired to speak through my work. i never did understand that until today. it is a huge quote throughout the marketing and advertising classes which i have never taken but have heard all about them many years ago. many artist speak through their music, but what do you call an artist that uses others to create another type of music? the closet people around me know what i am talking about. the answer is a dj. why it comes to a surprise to most i don’t really know?! i am i the works with an artist permission to use their music to create my own, have been searching and searching and even though the majority of my library is full of all types of music, i am very happy about that because then who ever were to look over my library would know why i do what i do. i guess in a way this post is to let the world know i am a dj and judge all you want. but answer me this when you go out to a club, who is producing the music? yeah that’s right the dj. on a different bar note (lol) today was good, was able to talk. something i hadn’t done in a while. in a big way i felt relieved, maybe every side of the coin is better if i let it go it’s course instead of me trying to control it. i know not everything is in my control but i can control me, i can finally live and let live. we’ll see how it goes from here, good i hope. thanks.=o)

to … O_o

today was suppose to be a day of working, what it turned out to be was a downer or bummer. my morning wasn’t so great, woke up at six thirty because of the pain killers wearing off; my foot was in a slight bit more of pain. my mom couldn’t see me suffer anymore and she decided we would head down to see the chiropractor but he wasn’t available due to family issues. then we went to see if my cousin knew anybody and had no luck there. as the day went on i rested on the couch, i knew what would be coming tomorrow and needed all the rest i could take. the pain i am in i can control, one wrong move and i pull the muscle and hurt myself, my parents are afraid if i don’t get this fixed now that it could come back later when i am older and haunt me and might possibly be worse. as if that wasn’t enough; i got an email reminder to pay my classes. if i didn’t i would lose them. well because i got a non passing grade during summer the school decided to deny my chance at getting aid. my tuition jumped to a whopping eight hundred dollars minus books. i had to drop out of a class in order to make a slight payment to even keep my classes. i am very bummed about that, but this isn’t getting me down that easily. i am a fighter and have always been. i want to rant out but what would be the point, it is my fault i could have gotten a better grade, formulas and steps are more difficult to follow sometimes for me. if i made this mistake it is time for me to take responsibility for my actions and put blame on me instead of the world. i do put myself down sometimes but i have to in order for me to learn not to do it again. i believe in myself as well as other see expectations in me too. i glad some people do believe. now it is my turn to appreciate everybody for that and show them there encouragement meant the world to me. i am very sorry if i have let anyone down, my time is now! i am seeing to much i don’t want to see. that is enough of my day, how was yours?

being responsible O_o

today woke up slightly late but had to get stuff done, left my socializing alone and got to work, went for 5 hours strait, in there we slight drink/snack breaks, threw my headphones in again and went at it, it felt as if I was in control of my own little universe. in a way it was great but at the same time it felt like solitary confinement, I was reading up on all the juvenile chapters given and learned and fixed some of my knowledge of juveniles. some stuff that I looked over reminded me of my psychology class, good’ol times I remember. 🙂 with that it reminded me that I have to talk to my head of my department to get my classes for next semester. I am so close but yet so far from actually having a piece of paper that says I am done. I guess “with great power comes great responsibilities.” in conclusion today was very well driven and productive, with YOUR help I can achieve it all.

will never thank you enough O_o