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i have been glued to my music folders in search for all the music i wish to put together for a new years album. it’s late and giving myself a headache. i took a break to watch a basketball game to rid my mind of music for a bit. and then had to get back to working and figuring out what i want and what i don’t. i have filled up a notebook using a permanent marker to get a representation of what i want and what i don’t. going to tell you early to have a good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

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got a little bit of free time today to meet up with my friend and free up some overloaded brain cells. i still have a long way to go before i can officially rest. i am borderline about to have an anxiety break down. i skipped my running to try to get my work done. it helped a bit. but what isn’t helping are my wisdom teeth coming in and me having a headache because of it. it almost to the point where i would take some pliers and rip them out myself but the dentist already told me that if i mess with them and pull the main nerve, that it would hurt really bad. i am taking some pills to get rid of the pain for now and heading to bed, i have got my first final in the morning. i miss you folks. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

today was really random today, i woke up and it was cool in the house, after getting ready for work i opened the door to find fog everywhere. i couldn’t even see across the street to the other houses thats how bad it was. while i was driving i had to be extra careful since i could only see a few car lengths in front of me. it took me a little longer then usual since everyone on the road slowed down. i had made it to work safely and checked in. while we were there getting the paperwork ready for the day, it began geting beter outside. i had heard on the news the night before that it was going to be hot and then cold again at night. i got through work without any problems. what was exciting was that the week i had asked for off was given to me so that i could deal with all my school stuff and finals.

on my way back home they had closed a six-lane highway to one-lane to do work on a saturday afternoon. there was no problem the whole week with it and just out of the blue they decided they had to stop everyone and work. i was in no rush but knew what i had coming. i have a few more reports i have to turn in and they are all due next friday. i have less then a week to get them typed out and printed and sent to my professors. while i was working i was getting a headache from not eating because i had forgotten my snack before dinner time. i was going to make turkey burgers on the grill. i haven’t been able to cook in a while because of my time being busy with work or school and decided to take a break from typing.

prepared and got everything ready while the pit was being started. they came out really good. after cleaning up i jumped back on the computer to type and finish my reports. just in case i fall asleep early, i hope everyone had a good day and be safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

i have been asked what i want for christmas several times this whole week and my answer keeps to continue to be the same. what i really want can’t be bought. i don’t need anything because i have everything. this year i am not going to want anything. there are a few things i would like but for someone to get me them would probably break the bank, i don’t want that to happen, so i will wait till i can gather enough money to buy them on my own. something as small as a keychain would suffice for me. today was way better then yesterday, my parents had to go out of town again to see my uncle and drop stuff off. it kept me worried for the moment until i received a text saying everything went well and were safely on their way back home. once they did arrive i was happy again. i just stayed in watching weeds with my older brother and had my coffee in the afternoon because i didn’t have it in the morning. i am sleepy for some reason already and it is early. hope all have a safe night. good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

 

i have been so busy that i am addicted to books, paper, pen and writing. i have not been able to use my computer as  through all of this and i remember the days i always had something to do on it. i wonder how it would have been if the computer or internet was never invented. makes you think, huh?! i have gone through a writing pad already with notes and drafts of my reports before i can finally transfer them to the computer and print them out. work was easy but i was in solitary confinement for a good while, i was told to mark boxes. of course i had to make it fun, i would race agains the clock and in the four hours i was alone i was able to label over two-hundred boxes. they were surprised because the person who was doing them got through less then thirty in one hour. not to boast or anything but i could have possibly been working on my reports but i was getting cramps in my arms from lifting, writing, etc. as the day went on i was given an invitation to a boys baby shower; one of the workers wife was pregnant and i was invited without even really knowing the guy. should i go? or shouldn’t i? i just have to see how busy my day will be on thursday. when i got home i grabbed my ipod and threw the shuffle all songs on and i got strait to work, i am still not done now but am getting to tired to write and need a short brain recovery break. with that i am already for bed. i hope all had a good day. good night, sleep well amd sweet dreams.

O_o

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

O_o

done with dinner, a while ago of course. i remembered after getting from work what today was. it is a mexican family tradition to honor the people who have passed away. i know the people who were closest in my life who i knew or even didn’t know that well are in a better place. i am still reminded everyday when i see a passing about my incident and how i am grateful for surveying. but i see life in a new perspective and i see the beauty in death now. i learned along time ago what not to do, ever since that day the haunting scares me every now and then. it is something i want to forget but at the same time if i do it may be possible it will occur again. i would rather not mess with my life or another, ever! i know what pain and distrust i caused and i am barely trying to gain that trust back. even with a busy day i doze off for a minute or two and had the strangest vertigo feeling after that i was jumped into a dream or quite possibly a hallucination, i don’t know if it was a dream or a view into the future but i can totally write that movie. and i found a mark in a book that pretty much gave me an answer i was looking for. the idea is still fresh and is written down, now just trying to figure out how to make it a hard-copy. got  few thing i will be starting after i finish with all of my school work. going to start on one right after hoping i have enough time. i will be starting a draft this weekend on my first camping trip in two years. sun, rain or even snow can’t stop my ideas but it sure can influence what happens next. i am very excited for this. i have done nothing but go to school and work, i am finally going to take a break from all technology, well almost, the will be a camera for documentation but that is about all the technology that will be with me. i hope all had a good day, it is time to sleep to start tomorrow refreshed and ready to do what needs to get done. good night and sweet dreams.

love O_o

 

today i was consumed; consumed and piled with work to do. i am exhausted, i had a good rest but i feel like i got slammed by a train. i know can fully understand people who work two jobs. it is a killer on your feet and a rush trying to get to one place to the next and not to mention trying to go to school at the same time, i can see how people also get burned out. i was labeled worthless today by an assistant at work, she claims she was just playing around because i am getting to know a few of the other workers and that is what she has labeled them. the cool thing is is that i decide to move up from a part time worker i have eleven of twelve recommendation letters, workers told me as long as i keep up the good work they would let me know when a full time position opens up because i would be a great addition to the team. it is very reassuring to hear. put a smile on my face. they see me as a way too serious person but i am breaking that habit of mine. i got another long day tomorrow. will have to take it as it is thrown at me. hope all had a better day : ) but for me it is time to sleep. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

woah, had a super busy day. first i was woken up at three in the morning because it was really cold, grabbed the bigger blanket and went straight to sleep before i knew it i was dreaming. it was pretty amazing, it is the nearly the second time i have had it, from what i have been told the more it repeats it is likely to happen. if it happens i won’t let the moment pass me by. after that i woke up expecting an easy day. it is friday and almost a candy holiday. i was really cold that for the first time in a while i pulled out carol; my favorite fur hoodie, i went to school and finally my professor decides to give us some news; he said it would be good news and then dropped the test bomb on us today, it is on monday, so much for me trying to have a relaxing weekend. he went through the last chapter very quickly and by the time i began to realize i was missing some notes my arm started to cramp up. i think it the cold and when i got hit in my forearm a long time ago but luckily what ever i missed was recorded on my phone. i hope i can hear it. after that i headed into work, i was also expecting something off since it already happened before. sure enough, i was handed about fifty letters or more to write and make a envelope for and mail out. they said what ever i didn’t finish i could come in on saturday and finish or save until monday. i decided to get through them all. i even skipped lunch to try and get as much done as possible. finally brought a grilled chicken sandwich and scarfed it down for a quarter lunch and went back to work. i had to stay after hours with another coworker who was finishing up some other work. finally finished about an hour later then usual. turned in all the letters to the mail room and filled a a small basket. headed home and traffic was still heavy and made my way home. i wanted so bad to sleep but with the little energy i had stayed awake. i changed into something more comfortable and just laid on the couch. went to the store and got me a grilled turkey sub, i jammed it up with all the vegetables and more with some mustard and a jug of water. i was so full, the water did most of the trick. i think i need a break from everything. i am going to take that camping trip next week. jut for a day or two. going to see if i can retrieve my tent back and off i go. it is settled. i am already for bed and it is early, i am feeling like an old timer. stay safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

i missed class. yeah i over slept. i also fell asleep on my homework. mind you i got three things going on back to back. yeah it is tough. i gave you my word and i intend to follow through with it. even with everything happening. i was able to square a few things today. i am home from trying to do everything when all i need is a break but everything just keeps coming back. looks like i won’t be going anywhere this weekend, which is good, but at the same time i will be working. i have too. my career is depending on this one now. i did have a busy day, it is now over and completing my homework right now. i hope all had a better day. stay safe out there. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

wow what a day. professor has now re-re-rescheduled our test. everyone one complains about him but i think since he is retiring he doesn’t care anymore and i really think everyone complains just to make conversation. he just wants the semester to be over to leave. he said he wasn’t going to finish off the year just the fall semester and leave. students have been saying they will drop and i think they have because we went from thirty five students to about less then twenty show up for class daily. after class headed to my future career and got some exciting news. looks like more hard work is in my near future. like really difficult classes. after all that noise went to work, work was work and then headed home. i heard something clicking in my tires on the way home. i checked it out when i got home and i come to find that in some crazy attempt to pop or slash my rear tire i found a broken piece of a utility knife. after further inspection it looks like the blade broke just short of actually puncturing the tire. crazy thing is, i have not pissed anyone off or mad for that reason. karma. i already have one green light. i don’t need another. trying to finish up this homework and taking a really quick break to write this. hope all had a better day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o