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Tag Archives: body

What’s different now? What happened that changed everything? I am doing everything right and possibly more and still can’t be in my favor. What you see on the outside is similar to whats on the inside but minor adjustments. I never quit or give up but there is only so much I can endure. That my mind and body will even let me. I never wanted a change so bad in my life until now and now that all the signs aren’t in my favor and are pushing me farther away; is that life ways telling me that this is not for me and to try eles where? Why does no one just give me a straight answer and quit beating around the bush. I really dislike what it is doing to me, figuratively speaking. You can see it and it is very noticeable if you know where you are looking.

too many questions. O_o

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i can’t get this application to work, i thought you would make this easy for me microsoft word. but it looks like you chose the hard way, i have looked online and just about anywhere and everywhere for a product key. i will have to try again tomorrow or i will have to go to the library to see if i can borrow a computer from them to type and send my work. today was my last day of school. i wont get my results until tuesday since the professor gave a few people an extra day to take the final who skipped.

i just read your blog, yeah that is what time my alarm usually goes off but i don’t get out of bed right away. yeah i do remember that mental or body-connection we had. lol. i remember it just about everyday and wonder if it still existed and apparently it does and that is some freakyness. lol.

i hope all had a good day. time to get some rest, not really sure what i m going to tomorrow but maybe something productive and maybe i can crack this key code and get some free applications. have a good night and sweet dreams. & to you especially. =)

O_o

 

what an adventurous day. this morning around five or six i woke up to a freezing body, the cold had really set in. i was covered up completely but still being motionless the would just rise and since we had no heater or fire me and my friend were cold. finally after trying to warm up i hoped out of the tent and started the fire. we were prohibited to start one because of the burn banned that was in effect but i had to make some breakfast. after starting up the fire i woke my friend to come join me to get closer to the fire so he wouldn’t be cold, moments later after joining me we were both warm enough to move around.

we started cooking. we ate and then began talking of what was next. after a little while we bagan to pack up and turn off the fire. there were too many coals and the rock pit we rocks we had used to make the pit were too hot and we had just turned it out and left it there for the next patron to acquire our site to use it.

after everything was packed up and consolidated we headed back with our walking sticks. the sticks helped out from going forward or backwards on the steep hills. after that hike with more stuff then we came in with we arrived to the car about thirty minutes later. we saw a lot of people heading the opposite direction and were heading up the mountain. i wished i could have stayed for longer but couldn’t. future plans of a trip are around the corner. this time we know what to bring. there is also planning of possibly bringing others with us next time.

on our drive back i was able to take more pictures. some were slightly blurry but i did what i could on my phone. after getting home i was able to relax. after letting my parents know i got home safely i was told to change and get ready to go to my little cousins birthday party. i really didn’t want to go from being exhausted. i went. had some food and just wanted to get back home, was dropped off and turned on the television. a movie came on that i have never seen before and i watched it. it was funny and good mind you it was an animated movie. most animations are funny to me either way. lol.

it is late already and i am super tired. got some homework to do tomorrow and a few paper and notes to do. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

today felt “wishy washy” i did get everything i needed done. i had a few set backs but nothing major, easily repairable but as far as other things i couldn’t get quite right. after some hard searching and thinking i was able to figure out what i had needed, just had to look back in my notebook. one of my handy dandy notebooks helped as well. i got to printing all the pages i needed for my class tomorrow and with some reading i was able to understand what i needed to do. i hope it is what i ned tomorrow and that i didn’t forget anything. everything has beed a big weight on my shoulders for a long time now that i think it is finally starting to spill over into my everyday life. i am getting tired faster when i should be studying and my body fails and shuts down and reboots it self moments later, it has happened for several days now. i know what i have to do but i just don’t know where to find something good for me, that will help me out later. i have tried all my contacts and everyone seems hesitant to take back what they said when i was told that if i ever needed anything, now there are nowhere to be found. i was looking into my school email when i stumbled across several emails that; because of my progress think i would be a great asset to there fraternity. i declined all four offers, i am no where near as done as i want to be with school. i am fighting every chance i get. and will fight until the end. have a wonderful night folks and sweet dreams.

O_o

well i almost blacked out today. i think it was because i may have been dehydrated, been running around the whole day. i was finally able to relax when i almost came tumbling down while walking. from what i have read, the reason for a black out is because of low blood supply to the brain. i sat down and put my head between my legs to make the blood flow even and get to the brain. it took me a while but i had almost chugged down a gallon of water; also just to be safe for future blackouts. i have always seen people blackout but has never happened to me until today. it was quite scary, everything felt hot around me, i lost hearing in both ears, began seeing colored spots and felt a pressure on my whole upper body. but at least now i know how to prevent this or even how to try to help if it happens to another. today was very inspirational more then productive, but today went okay, how was your day folks?

O_o

today has been good, slept in until two in the afternoon, it was awesome. a little hibernation, lol. after that was spending time with my family as usual. me and my dad got to talking about the summer project, it is mostly ready to run, a few more things and she should be ready to fire on all cylinders. with a few more body fabrications she should also be good as new. and then as far as my dads restoration on his truck, he just has to rebuild the engine and put it pack together. bought a few parts today and we will see if i can have it ready in time for school-ish. right now i am trying to finish prepping all my paperwork that i will have to turn in and i am still waiting on a few call back to get the interview for the internship. another hell week this will be. signing off again, stay safe and we will see you tomorrow.

O_o

the more and more i try to see it, it only gets wider. i kept telling myself; wake up! wake up! wake up! but it was as if my body couldn’t move, i could feel everything but nothing. what i saw was something and what the other person was looking at was behind me. i felt a sharp pain coming from my lower back, it was intense but i couldn’t move, turn, run or even speak. in a strange way, it is true what they say about dreams and what i have seen, read and learned. they are fascinating and interesting to me; well to everyone really! even when i don’t know the meaning behind them. looking back at other remembered dreams i have had, i am taking them apart piece by piece and slowly analyzing them from what i have learned and the the findings are astonishing. even statistic wise too. to say the least i am stumped on what even to say. with an educated guess; i think no one really does know what is going on in ones head but oneself. why we see the thing we see or imagine is beyond me but scientist are possibly soon to discover it, if i don’t first (about myself of course). bwahahahaha. with all this i have possibly been presented with an opportunity some may discover one day. wow!

dreaming O_o

while in class today the professor threw us a new set of formulas that would be on the test, have to get these down this time and remember them for the 2nd test this thursday. while learning today i wasn’t the only one, while i was taking a break from working on homework, i deciding to go running with tumbler, while we had already ran 3 miles i decided to walk the the water bridge at the park, a family were on the side inside the bridge and were swimming, i let tumbler off the leash and he began running around like a crazy and excited person and decided to join the family and jump in the water. while in there, i attempted to show him how to swim, before this he has played around the water but never actually have been in the water swimming. it was a great way to cool for both of us after being all hot and sweaty, it felt really nice to cool off and relax for a bit. tried to get him to jump in to teach him, i threw a rock to get his attention and he went in after it. he enjoyed it so much that i was grateful for him to jump in, that he came at me like he wanted to jump out of the water and onto the land but he didn’t and turned around and kept going and going. i felt like a father would feel as if his own child were to speak or walk for the fist time, that it brought a tear of joy to my eyes. it was a feeling i haven’t felt in a long time but it felt good, on our way back home i had nothing to dry myself the i had to remove my shirt and roll with the windows down to attempt to dry off. it felt good and refreshing, but was a bit insecure on the drive home because i have not taken my shirt off for anyone to see, i know somethings and something are unpleasant and wanted to rush to get home and shower so i wouldn’t get sick from being in the wet clothes, am tired like yesterday and will be going to bed soon, even early too. in conclusion that was my adventure for the day, how has you day been?

to learning O_o

am I in trouble? was I ever there? when should I be? did it? was it? there is? every song heard is kind of scaring me right now, they are all answering of these questions in my head that I am afraid to say out loud or even write, the funny thing is I am normally a happy-pusher next when my music is set to shuffle and I have yet to touch the skip to next song. I can finally hear all the lyrics and they make sense.

“can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? because I could really use a wish right now!” – BoB

“the smell of you in every dream I dream, I knew if we collided, your the one I decided whose one of my kind” – Train

“if I could rewind both hands of time, I would never find a lovelier design, nothing is lovelier then you” – BoB

“heartbeats, heartbeats, beating hearts with _ _ _ _ , heartbeats, heartbeats” – Grum

those are just to name a few of many songs played right now on my iPhone jammin’. I hope this is a good thing. I am not one to do many things but when I do, they are meant to learn from. I just felt I had to get this out but couldn’t speak it out, but I can sure write it out. enjoy.

music for thoughts O_o

Good Morning folks this was the earliest I have ever written a post, I felt the need I had to because I just looked into it and did some research and looked up the meaning to the aspects of the dream and it turns out it was a good thing. the song that was being sung was a good one that I recently downloaded by my favorite country music group; Rascal Flatts. I think what it was that I slept with my headphones on with music playing and that song came on while I was in my REM state of my slumber. It was my older brother, my little big sister and me singing this song (http://blip.fm/~qzhal) while we were walking towards room where our family was eating pizza. I think the song came through the headphones, into my ears and then into my conscious sleepy mind. “To sing in your dream, represents happiness, harmony and joy in some situation or relationship. You are uplifting others with your positive attitude and cheerful disposition. Singing is a way to celebrate, communicate and express your feelings. To hear someone sing in your dream, signifies emotional and spiritual fulfillment. You are changing your mood and experiencing a more positive outlook in life.” – dream dictionary. with ending it is a good song, I like it a lot, “you can do what you think is impossible” was the best line that I remembered. which is true. as long as you put work into it, you can do anything you put your mind too, no matter how difficult. unstoppable O_o