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Tag Archives: beauty

done with dinner, a while ago of course. i remembered after getting from work what today was. it is a mexican family tradition to honor the people who have passed away. i know the people who were closest in my life who i knew or even didn’t know that well are in a better place. i am still reminded everyday when i see a passing about my incident and how i am grateful for surveying. but i see life in a new perspective and i see the beauty in death now. i learned along time ago what not to do, ever since that day the haunting scares me every now and then. it is something i want to forget but at the same time if i do it may be possible it will occur again. i would rather not mess with my life or another, ever! i know what pain and distrust i caused and i am barely trying to gain that trust back. even with a busy day i doze off for a minute or two and had the strangest vertigo feeling after that i was jumped into a dream or quite possibly a hallucination, i don’t know if it was a dream or a view into the future but i can totally write that movie. and i found a mark in a book that pretty much gave me an answer i was looking for. the idea is still fresh and is written down, now just trying to figure out how to make it a hard-copy. got  few thing i will be starting after i finish with all of my school work. going to start on one right after hoping i have enough time. i will be starting a draft this weekend on my first camping trip in two years. sun, rain or even snow can’t stop my ideas but it sure can influence what happens next. i am very excited for this. i have done nothing but go to school and work, i am finally going to take a break from all technology, well almost, the will be a camera for documentation but that is about all the technology that will be with me. i hope all had a good day, it is time to sleep to start tomorrow refreshed and ready to do what needs to get done. good night and sweet dreams.

love O_o


I am sorry I am like your other grand kids.

I am sorry for not liking to visit.

I am sorry I show respect.

I am sorry for thing(s).

we turned out okay, we can not drop everything to see you when you do things unexpectedly, our family has good things because we bust our ass to get them. we are not in that game nor will we be to get ahead like some of them think, we can not visit because of situations going on around the area where we would visit you. you/everyone can pass all the judgement they want, your attempt to guilt us in what we can’t do is not a good thing and separates us farther away. it is not the we don’t want to, but we do not like to be involved with family gatherings because of what is hidden by others. yes we can pass a good time, but things are awkward between the family because we know too much. we do not have a perfect family, because NO one has one. everyone else I know likes their G but why can’t you make the effort to accept what you think about us. if I was given the chance to meet my other G but god bless her soul she was taken away before I was even thought of coming to be & I would have like too. I am not saying 12 of the 13 are screw ups but they do things that our family sees as disrespect and should be frowned upon. I am sorry for you loss, I know we couldn’t do more, I never got around to getting a passport like I was asked to because I did not live here & I didn’t want to show up and shed fake caring water when we both know I or my blood(s) felt the same way. sorry for that. we have grown into respectable men that our family has shown us to be and seems like you frown upon us. I know you can not forget about because we are family but respect needs to be given to get earned. take it as you may, we will never stop being judge.

sorry O_o

this was remarkable and will never be forgotten as others do in time, “i see you” was the last thing said, in great truthfulness I could believe it. some see a feeling like this is to be untrue or not real. I know NOW that one can not find it alone nor taught it. it has to be discovered. you have shown me A LOT, you have taught me to see what is the real definition of beautiful. with that I am a bit wiser and know this beat has never been open to anyone as much as it has beat for you. this wire is to strong to break, no matter how many twist and turns the wire takes, I will follow as much as you let me. I know something now then I did before.

knowing the thinking O_o

i’m continuing to watch this movie, over heard this saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and it stuns me that society does tell us what we have to look. Why can’t we just be who we want to be?! I have this feeling that everyone around judges and i don’t mind it but it keeps reminding me of a song lyric “its funny how someone else success brings pain, when your no longer involved that person has it all and your just stuck there, just standing there.” I know I am not perfect and lack few qualities but I am doing my best and can only do so much, I AM TRYING, it is the only thing I know how to do. Can you [ACCEPT] this?