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Tag Archives: bad

I can not change the inevitable but it looks as if the move is soon to arrive. I wish it wouldn’t. But not really sure what will happen?! Well, what ever does happen, good or bad, here goes!

O_o

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everything is messy today and has gone wrong today. i woke up late, i was out of food to make breakfast but i was still able to have my coffee, but the last errands i had to run got sidetracked because i was asked to go to the mall and try to find some stuff and to make a few payments. i got ready and headed out, it was horrible! i disliked it very much, there are not many things i dislike but this ranks up there. i felt claustrophobic everywhere i walked. people screaming and kids yelling and on top of that took me about half an hour to find parking. ugh. tomorrow is near, going to visit my friend and go to the gym. i hope all have a great day. see y’all later.

O_o

has got to have been one of my worst days ever. let’s just say it wasn’t my day and everything went the opposite direction then normal. first off, i slept in from class, i went to work and had a half day which was sprung on me, kind of wanted to work to distract myself from the things to come. after work i realized i was running really low and the next gas station wasn’t until many exits away, finally when i was able to reach the gas station my car began pulling left, once that happens i know i am getting a flat tire. as i got out sure enough it was low. as i was finishing up i had forgotten to do something and had an embarrassing moment i will never be able to live down, i laugh now but at that time was ridiculed by a stranger. after that i had to run to the store and it was crowded like no other. i guess i was just mad and aggravated from the gas station i took it out on some people driving. i just wanted to get home and forget about the day. on the drive home it was the longest drive in the world because of everyone trying to see what happened at an accident that was up ahead. i finally got home about two hours later. once i got home i was finally able to relax. did a few things to take my mind off of things. then it was sleepy time. hope all had a better day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

what a spiraling day, it all started last night while dreaming; i was able to some how control the dream and what i did. it was as if my thought had a thought, i know it is hard to explain but it kind of reminded me of inception the movie, where they went into a dream state and in that dream state they had gone into another. i was thinking of what to do and my body would do just as i thought it. it was as if i could control my world. before i could get to controlling my dream i was woken up by my alarm. it was time for me to get up and get ready for school. after getting ready had some time and tried out the new coffee i had bought yesterday. it was really good. took off for school and learned a little bit more on the what was going on before the depression. i was awake, alert, excited to learn and what felt like a good mood. after leaving school to work i was early and decided to take some time and drive. made it to work and after heading inside is when the spiral of events began. everything went from good to bad to good to bad to good. by the time i knew it it was already time to go home. even though everything was spiraling out of control i remembered my dream and how i was controlling the dream, i did just that, i took the time to enjoy the slow traffic, in a sense that i was able to think in peace, without being distracted like usual when i get home. i had a lot to catch up on from school and work. i am taking time to get a really good grade, i am tired of failing. i don’t want to be a failure anymore. even though writing in my strong suit; i have too. i think i will be asking for help because i don’t know how to go about my research paper. i got the information but where do i sart; sort of thing. it is getting hard for me to think even though it is early. i just want to sleep. already ready for bed and going to sleep early. i hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

 

had an amazing dream but was rudely woken up by a cramp in my leg. I woke up in a scream. it lasted for a good five minutes. I went straight back to sleep after it had gone away, it was very strange, it felt like a bad dream but when i got out of bed i couldn’t walk. that has only happened one time before and it is a painful feeling. i got up and after limping around for a while i had to take some medicine to try to loosen up the muscles around my calf. it went away for a bit but knew i would have to keep popping pills all day and didn’t want too so i just walked out the pain, it didn’t work as i thought it would in my head. joined some old school friends from way back in my private school days, we got to talking and even back then it is like it is now. someday i wonder who my friends really are. i am beginning to realize to open my eyes and see what is real. i never had seen it before; i guess because i was naive but wow i am glad i was told. hope all have a good day. good night and dream happy dreams.

thinking O_o

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

just checking in because today has felt as if i got ran over by a train. i woke up not feeling so well, the alarm woke me up, super grateful because i fell asleep really fast last night. i got up and felt as if the floor beneath me was spinning around in circles. no matter how i felt, i went to school. it was my preparation day for my test on this coming monday. made it there with some time to spare and was waiting for the professor to arrive, he was late again and open our door and took off to his office to grab his stuff. as the day went on, i got worse, my eyes were hurting and my brain felt mushy. i couldn’t think straight. arrived at work and they had a surprise for me, there was a new member added to my team, we hit it off pretty well. got to talking and had a lot to talk about in a short time but were separated moments later. lol. sorry kid. later on the director asked me what did i think about the new addition. i just said they were cool and they told me that they would be working with me on thursdays and fridays. uhh-ohh. lol. i was still feeling bad before lunch, decided to go to my favorite vegetarian restaurant near my work. felt a little better after eating and got back to work. work was work. got home and crashed out again for another four hours. i woke up and made a quick turkey sandwich with chips and my jug of water. well even now writing this i am still exhausted. going to make it an early night. i hope all had a great day. have a good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

wow! really?! that has got to be one of the most frequent things i have been hearing about myself from others lately. i am too nice! was talking with some old friends today and have found out that; for the fourth and fifth time now; that i am a nice person. it seems to be portrayed as a bad thing. when can i show the world that good does still exist in this world and it’s a good thing?! really guys. c’mon! i couldn’t believe my ears. is being “bad” a good thing?! i live my life “safe” as some people believe to be a bad thing; for the reason that i have been through hell and back. for those who know me and my family know best; very few people actually do. i became the person you know today for personal reasons that i didn’t want to end up like a few, well many close relatives i know. it is a tragedy. breaks people’s hearts, especially even if one day you know you will one day get that phone call when something bad has happened or worse. is it wrong that a few beliefs i have can be appreciated by some, and not by all. but then again; it is my life! i am in no way saying i am perfect because i am not but still, live my life with morals to one day show others that not all we do can be a stigma and carry on with our legacy. i don’t know whether to be angry or disappointed. but after hearing it five times from different people, it astonishes me; really! i guess people’s perception of good is actually bad. wow! i really can’t believe it. even after this i still hope everyone has a great night. deuce.

por siempre O_o

today felt “wishy washy” i did get everything i needed done. i had a few set backs but nothing major, easily repairable but as far as other things i couldn’t get quite right. after some hard searching and thinking i was able to figure out what i had needed, just had to look back in my notebook. one of my handy dandy notebooks helped as well. i got to printing all the pages i needed for my class tomorrow and with some reading i was able to understand what i needed to do. i hope it is what i ned tomorrow and that i didn’t forget anything. everything has beed a big weight on my shoulders for a long time now that i think it is finally starting to spill over into my everyday life. i am getting tired faster when i should be studying and my body fails and shuts down and reboots it self moments later, it has happened for several days now. i know what i have to do but i just don’t know where to find something good for me, that will help me out later. i have tried all my contacts and everyone seems hesitant to take back what they said when i was told that if i ever needed anything, now there are nowhere to be found. i was looking into my school email when i stumbled across several emails that; because of my progress think i would be a great asset to there fraternity. i declined all four offers, i am no where near as done as i want to be with school. i am fighting every chance i get. and will fight until the end. have a wonderful night folks and sweet dreams.

O_o

just got up from a much needed nap, lasted an hour or two, these past couple of days have been crazy, filled with some strange information. most of the week all my thoughts have gone towards a family situation. why is it that i care too much?! i know the situation at hand is out of my control but i pray and wish the best for my uncle and my family. i have nothing to offer, i can’t go visit because i have no passport. it is now time to get it, i don’t want to feel bad if something bad were to happen and i couldn’t visit. my uncle, even before his current state was a good uncle, he has done a lot for us brothers, well mainly me because i was the only one to care. i don’t know what will happen but you are in my prayers unk. as much as it pains me to say i get that frog in the throat feeling every time i think about it. my parents left again this morning to go visit and i had to go run errands, i couldn’t complain this time because they absolutely had to be taken care of today. i just hope that he can fight with his all to get better. by the end of it all i can think is i really hope he gets well soon.

get well soon O_o

i’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you at a time of need. I know i could have done more it just you were to far out of reach to me to reach you. i know i let you down, i know one day you will forgive me, that time may not be now or tomorrow but I hope you can ask me for something and I won’t let you down.

O_o