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Tag Archives: away

It’s not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most responsive to change.

~ Darwin

It looks as change always arrives on my doorstep at a time of someones need. But this time, it looks like my move is coming sooner then I expected. I am done. It the next thing to do.

qotd O_o

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well its been about a week now, it was time to get stuff done for a change, i am starting off the new year with some not so great news, in these past two months our family has lost three people because of illnesses. i don’t know what else is happening around the world, just in my world. we received a phone call early in the morning about the passing away of a cousins’ child. he passed away of leukemia. a few days ago we had another relative pass away with aids; i did mention it before in my previous blogs. then we received news of my uncle being admitted in the hospital for unrelated occurrences. my parents had to go out of the state and well, country. i did have a great conversation and i am super glad i was able to talk to you today, like i told you there are days i just don’t know what to say. i do miss our long talks we used to have. there are a few things i wish for but i will have to wait and see what will happen. i have to go attend to my family right now. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

my parents are home safe from mexico and the funeral but the problems that come after a passing are horrible. the gentleman who passed away was a family member on my moms side, he had passed away with aids. the family believes that it’s like leprosy. they thought it is the worse thing that can happen to someone. by doctors orders they had to burn his stuff. to me it’s bad to hear. there is more I have to say I just need to recollect my thoughts.

O_o

this has got to have been one of the saddest days i witnessed. i say sad because we got word this morning that a close relative on my moms side passed away because of aids, we were up in the morning trying to figure out arrangement for my mom to head down south of the border to meet up with the rest of the families. me and my older brother were on the verge of actually driving down there and dropping them off at the border and buy them bus tickets for my mom and my dad to reach the small town. it hurt me to see my mom down and unable to process and think clearly. luckily there was a friend of the family heading down there because of what had happened and were asked if they could take them. they accepted and we rushed our parents into town and they were able to make it safely there. i was able to spend some one on one time with my brother and tumbler. but then after that time was over he had to go back to his home. even though he left a few hours ago i miss the guy, after he left i jumped on the old computer and began finding old playlist i made back when we go the computer; a little more then a decade ago. i am getting tired and have a list of things to do since no one will be here and have to take care of everything while everyone is away. i hope all had a great day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

i just got out of the shower with a refreshed feeling. i feel as is i have washed away a few weights of my shoulders and feel that what i wrote early had been picking at my finger tips to get out. i have normally stayed quiet about a lot of things, i think it is time for a change. it is time for me to be outspoken. getting tired of never having a voice or being heard. this ends now. i hope everyone had a good day but it is time for me to get some rest and hit the books again tomorrow. be safe. have a good night and sleep well with sweet dreams.

O_o

papers. papers. papers. so much trees being used up today. have stayed away from my computer all day until a few hours ago. today was just handed a boat load of work and on top of that i already have work to do for school. i decided to stay home and head to work early. they had told me to brace myself. i really thought they were joking. i was wrong. when someone sounds sincere they mostly are telling the truth. i was told what ever i didn’t finish to come in tomorrow to finish up. i didn’t want to decline the offer because i think it was a test to see how far i can be pushed, i did let them know even though it was a holiday i still had class to go to in the morning. i will be there after school to finish up. as the day came to an end i knew what was ahead. well not really because i got a feeling to read. read i did. it had been a while since looking at a few things, once you are blocked there is not much you can do but wonder. i tried wishing for certain things but when that failed me i started wishing for things to happen. in a way they were granted. i am very happy they did. i think that now that you are back in my life i can stop worrying about how you are and can ask you instead of imagining the worst. i am taking this leap to reach out in baby steps. i don’t want to ruin or rub the world in the wrong way. when you really left me it felt like the whole world did too. even my best friend stopped talking with me. no one was talking to me and i was going to school with no ambition to continue but i stuck with it because i have paid for classes out of my pocket and need them to graduate. but i can graciously say that today has gotten so much better. i think i just needed someone to spill some stuff too and before i texted you my best friend called me, but recently got in touch with me a few days before i went camping and has slightly refrained from being distant. i have seen too many papers for a day that i am taking a break from writing my reports and going to bed. it is tmie for bed and you have made my day from crappy to way way way better. i do wish i could say something but i wont. thanks. have a great night and very much sweet dreams. missed you so.

O_o

how come i can’t reach you, anytime i want to talk i can’t get a hold of you. how are you? how are things?

O_o

I just want to start off with that’s fucked up!!! everyone has always side swiped me with a weightful remark. I am pretty sure every bad thing that has happened to me is because of my size. yes I know I am fat! no need to keep rubbing it in my face. I have always struggled every since I was young, yes I was that husky kid who sometimes was out of breathe because of my asthma. as I look back growing up people used me as a safety net. you know who you are! but it has got to the point where my family and closest friend(s) keep trying to make a joke of it and laugh it off. yeah I laugh but what you are really doing is killing a little part of myself. everyone always goes to the big guy because he can’t hurt you or so you think. I have wrestled and won many of times with people twice my size, I will never forget the time when I didn’t know my own strength and nearly did something that could have hurt my cousin really bad and I broke a tall closet dresser from the force. I have also been used as a body guard, you know who you are, it was fun for a little bit but when you wanted me to get you from one place to another that was just too much, but me thinking you were a friend you got mad when I didn’t want too. how could I have been so naive?! I think today is the last straw. I have been put down one to many times lately. it ends now. everyone has been two-faced to me lately! and i mean almost everyone! how fucked up is it that the people closest to me have been so far away or have pushed themselves farther away. what have i ever done to you?!

a ver que pasa O_o

is all that we see true? based on science it has been said that we perceive what we see is based off light reflected of an object into our optic nerve and the transmitted into the brain. i have been wondering this since today is the very first time in a while that i have actually sat down and watch television. i saw a few show with my parents and have been watching some episodes on paranormal occurrences. very creepy. lol took a break from the tv and sat outside with tumbler, stayed out there for a bit and was staring at the stars. i was staring at one in particular, it was quite amazing, as i stared it could have been my imagination or not but is was changing colors, kind of like a prism. that in a way was a high point of my day. crazy how something so far away can burn so bright. stars amaze me. 🙂

bright stars O_o

on the ride home i realized what i have to do. drove in silence the whole way home because i was thinking and forgot about the music playing. while at my parents house i was so far away from the world, like really far away. i stayed up later then usual starting up at the sky, just gazing. i forgot how peaceful and soothing it is with out all the noise and ambient light. i could actually see stars and the milky way. it was amazing. as the day went on the rest of what is left of the family went out for dinner, we went to go eat bbq at rudy’s and remembered you and our time their. =) even though everything smelt SO good, meat wasn’t on my list to eat, all i had was turkey, beans and potato salad with a raspberry tea, was amazing but parents got sort of mad because i became like my older brother and gave up red meat. what their mad at is that they don’t know what to make me to eat if we are over. i used to be a vacuum when it came to food but now-a-days not so much, all i normally have is chicken, turkey or fish. i feel great and look slightly better, with a bit more exercise i can be my fittest i have ever been. no stopping now. i should have been a vegetarian a long time ago. in conclusion here is to continuing on my resolution of the year, i have several months to do what i said i was going to do, and as far as the other stuff, i have kept my promise.

a rising star O_o

been busy all day, for some reason have felt super in myself, like I am figuring myself from the inside out. while I was eating found some beads and some string and thought I would do something beyond my control. it doesn’t mean that I want to change religion, but I do like how buddhist are at peace with oneself and their surrounding (ex. nature, elements, etc.) which is what I have felt like these past couple of days, on a side note it is not that I am being anti-social staying away from the computer as much as possible unless if I really need it for school work. looked somethings up while I was filling out some problems and entering them in my homework section of my online class and stumbled across this;

“oneness of life and light, entrusting in your great compassion, may you shed the foolishness in myself, transforming me into a conduit of love…” – buddhism

what is strange about this is that many people in my life have mentioned to me that I look like and resemble a buddah statue. i took a little bit of spare time and made a mala (buddah prayer beads) it is black onyx which I am finding to be that it resembles and feels powerful. but in conclusion I am just looking into something new. spiritually. emotionally. and physically.

to new discoveries O_o

today like other way past days has been one of the busiest, I wrote down on my tv screen with a dry erase marker so I wouldn’t forget anything, it looked like a bloody or graffiti wall with writings all over. first started by waking up and showering and getting ready and headed off to Target for some headphones that were on sale for $8.00, but were out and bought Paul Frank ones because I liked the color. then headed to FedEx to print a shipping label to be able to send out a broken memory card and went to the wrong place and was directed to UPS up the road which wasn’t a huge hassle. was around the area and decided to attempt to find out what was wrong with my bank card, they said my address did not match their systems, changed that and headed to Custom Sounds to see what I needed to get a new stereo unit installed when my mom called to head back to the mall and make a payment for her. I did! returned home and had to take towels to laundromat to dry, when I completed that headed to a gas station to fill up a 5 gallon jug of water because the tap water that comes out the pipes has fluoride and tastes funny. dropped that off at home and noticed I did not have everything to make my famous mac’n’cheese for dinner, got what I needed and headed back home to pay my Summer School, took all 10 minutes and started prepping dinner, took me about an hour to prep dinner and finally threw it in the oven to wait another 20 – 30 minutes for it to bake completely. munched down on it and messing around publicly challenged world famous chef, Bobby Flay, for a mac’n’cheese challenge. it was a joke but at the same time it was not. I had a little time to spare and checked email, phone update, software update for computer and everything checked out okay. turned on the tv and began watching Glee (good episode this one was), after that finished saw a little bit of the news while looking for new wallpapers for my phone and am now writing and soon to be watching the rest of Season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy before going to bed and seeing what tomorrow has to bring. it seems the quote I posted this morning was used through the day and made a good title for this blurb or blog entry. here it is again; “you can do what you think is impossible!” which I find to be very true, all you have to do is have a goal and go for it, like someone once showed me, taught me and wrote me to “aim for the moon; that way if I miss I would end up with the stars.” this is something I take to heart, I know everyone would like to leave a legacy behind even though it will be a hard thing to do but; MY LEGACY STARTS TODAY!

achieving my legacy O_o