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I wonder how other peoples’ lives would be if I was not around?

O_o

What’s different now? What happened that changed everything? I am doing everything right and possibly more and still can’t be in my favor. What you see on the outside is similar to whats on the inside but minor adjustments. I never quit or give up but there is only so much I can endure. That my mind and body will even let me. I never wanted a change so bad in my life until now and now that all the signs aren’t in my favor and are pushing me farther away; is that life ways telling me that this is not for me and to try eles where? Why does no one just give me a straight answer and quit beating around the bush. I really dislike what it is doing to me, figuratively speaking. You can see it and it is very noticeable if you know where you are looking.

too many questions. O_o

i have been asked what i want for christmas several times this whole week and my answer keeps to continue to be the same. what i really want can’t be bought. i don’t need anything because i have everything. this year i am not going to want anything. there are a few things i would like but for someone to get me them would probably break the bank, i don’t want that to happen, so i will wait till i can gather enough money to buy them on my own. something as small as a keychain would suffice for me. today was way better then yesterday, my parents had to go out of town again to see my uncle and drop stuff off. it kept me worried for the moment until i received a text saying everything went well and were safely on their way back home. once they did arrive i was happy again. i just stayed in watching weeds with my older brother and had my coffee in the afternoon because i didn’t have it in the morning. i am sleepy for some reason already and it is early. hope all have a safe night. good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

 

really quick, i have been busy all day. i have not stopped writing and running around everywhere. yeah i thought today would be easy but i guessed wrong. the funniest part of my day was during work, i had a little bit of time and did some quick research and was able to write a report. i really didn’t want them to find out i was doing school work on company time so when someone would pass by or ask me a question i quickly minimized my window. they spread a rumor i was internal affairs trying to see what was the dirt to have someone fired. i went along with it but played it off really well. always answering a question with another question. was able to only get half of it done, after work i made a quick dash home to change clothes and headed to school library. got some more sources for my reports. took me a while to find a few sources but by the time i knew it the school library was closing. headed home and am almost done but going to have to wake up early to finish it. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

what a day this federal holiday has been. it is veterans day and i had to go to school and work. i thought i would have a day to recover, woke up more rested then usual but obviously a little later too. made it to class with a minute to spare. sat in my seat and professor had just pulled out the grade book to recored if we were present or absent. i was lucky. after that was going to go straight to work but forgot to grab my badge. rushed home and checked in really fast and took off to work. stayed my usual hours but skipped lunch since i had lots track of time and a little before i left i started to get hungry. i was able to finish all of the work that was left over, had a few minutes to talk with the supervisor and then we were off. i thought it would be good to have pasta since i was craving it. i stopped by the store and picked up what i needed and arrived home cooking. i sat down trying to watch everything and was running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. i got one of many reports finished and just completed the second one. thats why i am now writing this. tried to take a break and when ii did remembered what i had talked to the supervisor about and that why i had a few questions to ask. i really appreciate your help. i hope everyone has had a great day. but it is time for me to get some rest. falling asleep and got some busy days ahead of me. two to be exact. may you all have a good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

what a change of events today has been. i woke up really early thinking i was going to be late for class when i looked at my phone clock i had just remembered then that i had forgotten to change that one and was able to slow down my heart from racing. while on the way to school i took my normal route when all of a sudden there was a ton of traffic. i was still able to make it to school on time, which i was glad for. just as i had sat down at my desk four classmates had asked me what we had done last thursday. i think they asked because they have always seen me takes notes while they text and talk with each other during class. we were finally going over what i had been waiting since last class for. got to talk about buddha. with my recent change in views because of buddhist views on life i just stayed there quiet in my seat while the professor asked questions about him. but also in my defense i could’t multitask and answer the question and write the notes. i didn’t want to lose my train of thought. after school i headed off to work and did what was asked without hesitation. i am actually content with what i am doing. i could be making a bigger difference in the world, i just wont know until i see it. after work i get home and i am called from beneath the house and someone yelling at me to shut off the water valve. apparently twenty five years after a pipe was installed it finally gave in and burst. we caught it just in time before it flooded under the house. changed out of my work clothes and hopped into something more older that i could throw away later after getting dirty. well long story short after visiting four stores and five hours later i was finally able to fix the flooding from under the house from happening. i will have to transfer my notes later tomorrow during work and have them ready for next class. just got done getting ready for bed and going to have a light snack since i skipped dinner. i hope all had a way better day. for now; good night and sweet dreams to you.

O_o

 

what a day. i am exhausted. i kept waking up last night after every ninety minutes, it was just for a brief minute or two then fell back asleep. i think it was from being paranoid and all the crazy new i had heard from yesterday. i was once told “you can not un-know something.” with yesterday i think i was inspired to really work harder in everything i do. i sometimes wonder why bad things happen to us when we do no wrong to others. but those are just brief moments when i have time to think. lately i have been really busy. school and work is taking over my life now. i am awaiting a very important phone call. i think i was called but i never answer a unknown number. if you want me to answer just show your number, i will be more then happy to answer. i know what is nearing, i have been overwhelmed with so many things that i have come to realize that i do miss quite a few things in my life, not to mention the dreams i have had; they continue and always surprise me in the morning. i know it sucks because i had everything i ever wanted. i know they say the heart wants what the heart wants. i know what i want but can’t have it. i have tried ever so much. i do not know what to do anymore. i miss you like crazy. i have never said anything until now. done with home work for now. time to get some rest. tomorrow is another long day. stay safe. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

agua O_o

what a day today has been; it was a productive day with so many things to do. woke up, met with some friends, was fed so much food for a morning brunch and then came back home. met a few more friends to watch the longhorn game, we left at half time because they were losing and decided to catch it at home. began doing work. had to figure out way to manage my time since everything is going to be crucial in these next few weeks. i am excited but i do not want to go through some things. i answered a life questionnaire that i was asked to for the position and it was about thirty pages long. it went deeply into my life, wanted to know just about everything. well by the end of filling out all the paperwork i had about fifty pages; talk about saving a tree. it is early and already falling asleep. you know you are getting old when you do homework and start falling asleep early on a saturday night. well hope all had a good day. good night and happy dreaming.

O_o

i have a few ideas with big corporations. what should i do? been talking with a few friends and i am getting a few different answers. i do need to make a decision and soon too. i hope it will work out. on the other hand today has been kind of strange. so many things to do and think of with just so little time. running around the city in the rain is no fun. my car hydroplaned several times on water and was not fun. was able to make it home safely but with the rain pouring down i decided it would be a great time to open my book and make some tea with that through on some jazz music along with that. it was quite relaxing, no one was home but the dog and me. but then i got really into reading that i lost track of time and realized that the football game was on and began watching it. well it it late and tomorrow is my make up day to finish and read all my homework and start getting ready to prepare for my test. have a good night and stay safe.

O_o

i do want to first start off by thanking EVERYONE. you guys made my day better and better with that kind of feedback. i was even posted on a site! that is some exciting news. my music career is going no where fast but have been greatly inspired by the emails that my next one will be worked on a bit more delicately. before i release it to the world i will have a few commentators to see what they like or dislike about my set presented. that was that. as  far as today went, it went and went, was in class and i had my undivided attention all up on the lecture. what was even better was when the professor looked at me and threw a quick question at me, slightly caught me off guard but was dumbfounded when i replied the answer and question that made her head spin. it was like i was king of the mountain; a small ego boost if you will. and of course went back to taking my detailed notes and even on top of that, the stuff i printed out was over done the other day but it had all the notes i needed for todays class and i knew exactly what she was talking about when she would point and ask a random person to answer. day went on, had my snack, lunch, homework and also got to my workout, tanning in the sun and laundry for the day. got to be at class early and have everything ready for a busy day tomorrow; possibly going under the knife; but i have to see what the doctor orders. i want these snitches out, they are bugging me and giving me headaches. they may be just for a minute or two but they’re there and slowly making there way in an i want them out now. dont care if they put me under or local anesthesia but i want them out. hope all had a great day and or birthday and may all be safe and have a wonderful night. i am out!

O_o

it says to be truthful; so here goes, i have been bombarded with questions of me not working, to be honest i really don’t like having a boss or someone shoving me around, i really like the idea of me being my own boss. it is a tough thing to do but starting today i am now an entrepreneur! my only job that i really like was; sadly enough; abrecrombie, even though i had a boss, he really wasn’t a boss to me, he gave me power to be my own boss and because of him i joined the corporation for two years but once he was gone i lost that privilege. i was working just to be able to listen to the music. crazy to say but it is true, my inspiration to be a better dj was in the store. even when he was gone i was taken of my “title” but it was only stripped for a short time, when the rotation of four new managers came in, three of them gave me that power and had the same passion for music as i did and things went back to normal. i was able to be happy working, everyone hated me; like always; because i was able to release some of my mixes live on the sales floor. it felt really great when people came up to me and asked me questions about my love for music. i am slowly getting that feeling back, i have remastered an old project that i had started because a friend and her friends liked my stuff and asked if i would ever release a new type of mix, from way back in the day when i started to now there has been a whole new music list that needs to be updated. i am still in the editing process and it still isn’t right, in my ears. to me a dj is someone who can adapt to anything, which i have been able to with all my genres of music. everyone i know likes more of a specific type of music and they all have different taste, i personally wouldn’t be able to choose one, i like them all, even though there are a few exceptions. i have been taught that i should love what i do instead of taking the easy way out; they are right! i have read a few things and do like what i have read. it is a completely different way of life but every survey i take comes up with the same answer(s). i know i can’t be what i dream of being but maybe it is a different significance with the same attitude, may not make sense now but if and when i am done; i will be my own boss and make my own rules and will be able to say something that is at the tip of my tongue right now and i have always wanted to say. in conclusion i am getting closer to what i was meant to be.

to me being me O_o