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Tag Archives: alone

had to stop the press. today was a quiet day in a sense that i kept to myself. well not really but every situation and task i was put in i was sent to do alone. in a way it was nice but then at the same time i had no one to converse with. it wasn’t until after lunch. i was able to see my mom for lunch that everything just came as a wave of everyone wanting to talk with me. i have some crazy theories but i am sure they are true about good vibes. i had to stop my doing my homework to check my schedule. i have never done that but i now have my calendar filled up, continuing to be busy, it may even be that i might be heading out of town again for the sixth time. i have been gone every weekend. it is crazy. every time i go something has do done. have to wait until friday to confirm. well today will be a way early night, i am already falling asleep. hope all had a good day. good night and sweet dreams.

O_o

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look here! no matter how many times you call, text, email or even want to talk to me. it will never happen and you will never ever get a response back from me unless it is to tell you that i am putting a restraining order into effect. how could you do what you did and try to apologize for it now. if what you said was your word, why didn’t you stick to it. i knew one day this day would come, karma is a bitch and if it coming back to you ten fold go cry to the guy you cheated & left me for. like i told you before, leave me alone and live your own life. quit trying to interfere with mine. oh and secondly i still stand by i never want to see you, talk to you or ever hear from you ever again. i don’t know how i did not ever see it. you slipped up and got caught. who’s fault is that. not mine for damn sure. if this wasn’t as clear as can be; i dont know what ever will be for you. good bye. and thanks for ruining my afternoon. guess today is unlucky for a reason.

to a much needed venting O_o

last night, well really this morning was crazy, fell asleep early last night without saying anything and woke up in the middle of the night with a crazy sound. sounded like bats fighting or something not so happy. wasn’t cats, dogs or birds because i know what that sounds like. it was around five in the morning when i heard it and of course tumbler heard it to and that proved that it wasn’t my imagination or dream. what sucked too was i was in the middle of a good dream but that’s another story for another day. well lately tumbler (my dog for those who read this and don’t know who that might be…lol) has been way over protective, i read a horoscope on dogs (don’t ask why) and it said he would be getting a stronger bond with his owner. it’s not the protection where you can’t get near us but when me and my brother or aunt play around he get in between us and tries to protect me by barking at them. i feel a great sense of security when he is with me for some reason, but those who know me know i am very paranoid about certain things, what ever the case may be, i know the problem but am trying to slowly overcome it. as the day continued i was left home alone while my brother was still sleeping and he heard a car approach, i didn’t because i was listen to music with my earphones and about thirty seconds later he heard the door open and began barking very loudly… he scared me half to death but it was just my cousin wanting to know some info on his car. with each day me and him are getting to exercise outside, even though it may be playing catch or just running wild; i feel beter, well my heart does, it doesn’t feel all slow and weak when it’s working like it did way back in the day, i figured out that even though i gave up fast food, i sneak a chicken sandwich about once a week when i have a huge craving, i do need my fatty acids too lol, but have not felt the urge to eat red meat, i think i can fully commit to becoming a vegetarian but as long as i still have my chicken and fish. maybe after many times i can get where i want to be. in conclusion here is to challenge number one for me and on to continuing step one and starting step two tomorrow.

to my being O_o

it seems that everything I saw or heard today had to deal with friends, friendships, bonding, etc. in a way I feel empty or a feeling I can’t explain. call it paranoia but even though I am social-ish and know a lot of people, that’s just it, I know them, there is very few people that I hang around with. never knew why that is?! but I guess in a way I needed a friend today. too much bad news has come across my path that I needed someone to talk too or at least hang out with, times are changing and my closest friends are busy or away. i have only ever lost a friend once, he stabbed me in the back and manipulated the a bad situation and turned others against me just to make him look better. now I consider him a non-friend and am very careful by the people I bring around me knowing that any momment it can happen again. have I shut this part of my life out?? because before it used to be different does it still have to be like that??? I don’t even know and have been racking my brain sitting here thinking about it. in conclusion, lets see what will happen if this happens!

to friendship(s) O_o

some holiday this has been, a crappy one, i lay here writing this listen to music loudly because no one is here to tell me to turn it down. it started off with my parents arriving way early in the morning and deciding to leave when the sunrise would appear. they were telling me what they were going to do but was barely paying attention, i was halfway dreaming and half way awake. then *poof* they were gone. when i awoke i thought it was a lucid dream, it felt super real. well in reality it was. woke up to a dark and cold lonely deserted house with my dog sleeping near me, he looked so peaceful; dreaming of bones and swimming, that i tried to get up quietly and tried not to wake him. he senses me when i wake up all the time, as if we have a connected energy field that are simultaneously in sync with each other, he stretches then i stretch or vise versa. this is a trait or gift that i have with all living things. after that i get up and start on my homework.

after some time working the little guy says *rawr* and decide to make some brunch. decided to make something quick and made some tacos and gave him his portion of food for his brunch with a side dish of water. then went back to work.  a few hours later it was dinner time, didn’t have much to prep since i wasn’t feeding an army this time around but just for one and his dog. all i could find in the fridge was red meat and red meat products and discovered a hidden package that was successfully chicken, threw that together and prepped his next portion for dinner and his ice cold water. during that i open my computer and threw it on netflix, we began watching old school videos that popped up on the instant watch list. while watching that he decided to join me on the couch and lay across my legs to watch the movie. that movie brought back a lot of childhood memories.

on of the things on the movie towards the end was very intriguing to me, it was said that “things happen in your life that you can’t stop but it’s no reason to shut out the world” – crazy pete sims, which i now find to be very true, i have shut out a lot of people in my life in the past but after a certain incident i changed who i was and changed into the person i am and all know today. i learned to never hold grudges, to be considerate, also that the world doesn’t revolve around me and lots more. i have accepted a lot of imperfections i carry on my shoulders but pick up more weight each time i accept any, a repeating cycle that i think will never stop. i think! with each passing day i see what i see and do what i do to make the attempt to be on top, the struggle and mountain is there, but i know one day i can conquer it. as well as other mountain climbing expeditions that may come in my path of stepping. in conclusion i was just reminiscing and am wondering what will happen when the drive is complete? i don’t know and wonder if i should be afraid?!

to the now O_o

made the decision yesterday that I really needed to get my eyes checked out and start worrying about my well being. I made a few calls this morning and started doing some research on other things I need to do, will be going under on June 15 for some test, I know I will need some work done, have dreaded this and have left it alone for quite a few years, It Is Time! first thing is first, getting my eyes checked, have been running around all of town with my little brother driving me around checking who has the best price for a contact exam, because it turns out it is cheaper and more reliable for me to get contacts and later on get a pair of glasses.

arrived at my first destination where I went sporadically went the other day just to get some info and start my research for finding the best place but was an epic failure, I did not pay close attention to the time of operations and was closed for the day. went to the store, and spent a little time there and went to another and another and another place etc, was getting frustrated and decided to use a life line and phone my parents, was given further instructions to go to a place that was near by our home, when we arrived I sort of, kind of rushed in because was told they stop taking walk-ins at 4:30 (because they closed at 5) and it was already 4:15.

filled out the paper work and continued to get checked out (vision, measurements, etc.) and sat back down in anticipation, the doctor called and got up and what felt like the longest walk of my life actually did. I was scared to know what had changed in about 6 years from my last visit of Junior year of High School. turns out there was a slight change, nothing dramatic or drastic but just enough for new prescription. which I think was okay because I needed it. while there the optometrist asked me if I would like to have my eyes dilated for further examination of my eyes, said sure, might as well and carried on with the procedure.

from that moment on, he mention to me that I wold lose vision for the next 3 hours or so, accepted the repercussions and let him continue. everything turned out to be undamaged and perfectly healthy. which was a HUGE surprise to me. “were done!” said the doctor, the technician will give you your trial pair and return for a check up and update and we will give you your 2 boxes of contacts. told him thank you and went on my way up to the front, with some help. forgot my sunglasses in the truck and had to borrow my brothers until we got to the truck (very helpful and kind but oddly strange)…

I went home and could not see, even if my life depended on it, I saw everything fuzzy and unclear with the bright sun blaring down on my eyes, felt very venerable. got home and stayed in the dark trying to recover, doing that helped a bit but got a headache and felt a little like light torture. some time passed and vision came back but pupils were still HUGE, had to continue to wear my sunglasses everywhere and it was funny. joined my aunt to the store without my sunglasses and didn’t know that my eyes were still black as night (hahahahaha) after this long of recovering.

when I arrived home my eyes are slowly being unblack and turning back to their original light brown color. I am here now writing this wearing my sunglasses because the headache is back and need to let my eyes rest from light. in conclusion, going to a professional is not always a bad and scary thing, I know we all expect to hear the worst but at most times it is a good to hear good news (medically speaking). that was my adventure for the day, how was your day?!

good things happening O_o