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Tag Archives: afraid

have returned from getting drilled, since i had a little extra time to spare i had a third filling refilled. i was shot up with some novocain and it won’t wear off for the next two hours, doctor said. in the mean time it is making me feel loopy, it kind of funny and keep laughing at every little thing. still feeling the sinus pressure, i have taken medicine but can’t right now because of the novocain and am afraid it will mix and mess me up. i was also told i couldn’t eat for two hours so the fillings can settle in. toodles. hahahahah

O_o

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i was on my way back home from dropping off my little cousins several minutes ago when I saw one of many bad things that could have possibly go wrong someday. a drunk driver! he was taking a turn and took it way too wide. he ended up landing on the railroad tracks about fifty feet away from the road. luckily no one was hurt and the police were across the street and were already on the way. it seems that what I read today was right. kind of eerie, if you ask me. I was one of many cars that asked if they needed help but they said everyone was okay and the cops were almost there. looked liked no damage to anyone or anything but the car was still parked over the track. to anyone who dares to drive with alcohol in their system; don’t do it. i have helped one too many people already and I know this one won’t be the last. call some one or call a cab, the consequences are drastic. be careful out there folks.

experiences O_o

well my parents just arrived, wished my pops a happy birthday, he is now three decades older then me, it is crazy to think he still looks young for his age despite the peper hair, in his line of work i know how hard it is, if anyone thinks there job is hard, i beg to differ, i would put my salary on it. i can guarantee that NO ONE can last a day in his shoes. that is a promise. he is my hero and i have always seen him like that, even when i found my report of the greatest hero ever; i listed him. i know he wants the best for all of us, everyone does. i am breaking my head trying to show my dad i can over come anything but right now i feel like i am going to explode, i stopped myself from having a headache by telling myself i had no time to deal with it and it went away shortly after getting back to my studies. what i thought was going to be easy really isn’t, this is the toughest thing i have ever done, try to manage two classes on my own time. even with all the time in the world i am afraid i am slipping from the good into the bad, i am not trying to sabotage myself because i love to learn, i just need a little time to be able to figure it all out, but the thing is i don’t have the time that i would need. my brain feels fried but i want to keep moving forward and on top of all that my parents just let me know that my uncle is really sick, he is in mexico and they were there visiting him again, when it’s not one thing it’s always another. can or will this family ever get a break. i guess me trying isn’t good enough, i guess i will have to do everything to pull through on this one, i am seriously thinking of just rolling into a ball and letting go. i don’t know what to do anymore. in conclusion do i fight for what is right or just accept what is?

to needing it O_o

some holiday this has been, a crappy one, i lay here writing this listen to music loudly because no one is here to tell me to turn it down. it started off with my parents arriving way early in the morning and deciding to leave when the sunrise would appear. they were telling me what they were going to do but was barely paying attention, i was halfway dreaming and half way awake. then *poof* they were gone. when i awoke i thought it was a lucid dream, it felt super real. well in reality it was. woke up to a dark and cold lonely deserted house with my dog sleeping near me, he looked so peaceful; dreaming of bones and swimming, that i tried to get up quietly and tried not to wake him. he senses me when i wake up all the time, as if we have a connected energy field that are simultaneously in sync with each other, he stretches then i stretch or vise versa. this is a trait or gift that i have with all living things. after that i get up and start on my homework.

after some time working the little guy says *rawr* and decide to make some brunch. decided to make something quick and made some tacos and gave him his portion of food for his brunch with a side dish of water. then went back to work.  a few hours later it was dinner time, didn’t have much to prep since i wasn’t feeding an army this time around but just for one and his dog. all i could find in the fridge was red meat and red meat products and discovered a hidden package that was successfully chicken, threw that together and prepped his next portion for dinner and his ice cold water. during that i open my computer and threw it on netflix, we began watching old school videos that popped up on the instant watch list. while watching that he decided to join me on the couch and lay across my legs to watch the movie. that movie brought back a lot of childhood memories.

on of the things on the movie towards the end was very intriguing to me, it was said that “things happen in your life that you can’t stop but it’s no reason to shut out the world” – crazy pete sims, which i now find to be very true, i have shut out a lot of people in my life in the past but after a certain incident i changed who i was and changed into the person i am and all know today. i learned to never hold grudges, to be considerate, also that the world doesn’t revolve around me and lots more. i have accepted a lot of imperfections i carry on my shoulders but pick up more weight each time i accept any, a repeating cycle that i think will never stop. i think! with each passing day i see what i see and do what i do to make the attempt to be on top, the struggle and mountain is there, but i know one day i can conquer it. as well as other mountain climbing expeditions that may come in my path of stepping. in conclusion i was just reminiscing and am wondering what will happen when the drive is complete? i don’t know and wonder if i should be afraid?!

to the now O_o

It’s 5am and I am laying here lifeless, unable to think at all, I stare at the ceiling and all I can see is blankness. I have stayed away from the computer all day, I am using an app from my phone to write this because I am scared to see what really happened. I am afraid to fall asleep because I am afraid to dream, when I dream I dream well and mean well, I don’t want to be like the book and wake up screaming, but  I know it is killing you inside to see me hurt. going to end with Good Night & sleep well with sweet dreams.

blankness O_o