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Monthly Archives: June 2010

today was strange, an old friend started texting me, they first got a hold of me during class, had to let them know nicely, where i was. it is nearing the end real fast, what i thought seemed like an eternity of classes, it wasn’t. they said they were visiting their younger brother and were in the process of taking him home. it reminded me of mine, that post was to him; didn’t mean to confuse but guess can’t hide it now since i am now writing this.  he is not here with me right now, he is in his own place, the town of the “H” prepping for his new lease on life. even though we have grown up together we will be taking over three cities soon, some people don’t know but it has been said we are a trinity and are interlocked within each other. all of our names come from the big guy book, we are blood. even though the move is near, the geometrical plane seen is a triangle, it what we are. with this coming up so fast, i was asked if feelings were there, i tried to hide them from all. can’t let them see you down keeps popping into mind, but some people just know something wrong, an intuition. it is not good that it is happening because we have grown so close together these past couple of months. i have learned and i have taught. but even though change is near, i will miss the old, wont be able to do all that used to be done. but can’t be that selfish. it can’t always be about me, all who know me know this, i care for all, no matter the circumstances. i will never stop and hope i never will. it is what makes me; ME! in conclusion i could only ask to be safe and careful and tie up all loose ends before leaving so they do not come back and haunt you, like they have for us. much love kidd.

to known emotion O_o

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if you are wondering about the title it is pronounced (uhn-dur-dee-mee-cee-a-ted). lol. if you know what i am talking about i will carry on, if not, sorry. it has felt like that for the past couple of days, it has been a tough thing to come out of, the monkey and giraffe have help me out a lot…they tell me beats, poems/lyrics. i recently mentioned the word LIFE and threw it around left and right to people i have spoken too and have just got ten about the same reaction from all. in their head they are probably thinking i am crazy or mildly insane. but know this, i am perfectly sane! what i have come to realize or epiphanize if you will; that i can not fix everything! but favors that are dealt should be repaid, it should’t always have to be about it, it is replaceable. under the right circumstances it can easily be replaced. even though you are not here in my presence i hope you realize now that the world doesn’t all revolve around it. yes it helps, but for needs and not wants. i do hope that you get to understand this, i am telling you with my all, don’t jump because you want to, but jump because you have too. i know it is a huge leap in your life and i am very happy for you, i have never said this out loud but i do miss you. you are my best friend. and I LOVE YOU. just be careful. yeah i want to see you succeed just like everyone else but you better follow with what you said you were going to do. in the end, do what you love and love what you do.

to a new mountain O_o

today felt like a relay, was up and moving around from the moment i got up. got to class to come to find out we were learning new chapter, well a few new chapters. after class i headed up to Austin right after class. with some determination i was able to make it to town in recored time, like guinness world record time. lol. returned back and was just something inspiring of a drive, open my eyes to see what i had been over looking. my inspiration and came across this while looking through some text, “use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life.” – A. Brookman and was presented to join something, so i did!!! it will take a little bit of time, and some will power. but for me to master this will be a big jump for me. new things came to me the other day, something i put off when they were presented to me, but with a little bit of inspiration i came back to it and have it now buzzing in my ear. in conclusion, everyone always say you can achieve something when you put you mind to it and i am following through with what has been said.

new direction O_o

today was a success, woke up a little late but got done with what i needed to do! even though it took me forever and a day to finish, i am glad to say that i completed something successfully and passed. feels great, i had to shut out everything though with my earphones, but i got it done and with some time to spare too. with the extra time i had available to me i was able to move a lot of text over from one place to another, deleted my myspace page, continue reading a big book, download some music and catch up on some tv episodes that i had previously missed. i was only able to do that because i wanted to “reward” myself for doing something that would help me out. i am not going to lie, it has always been difficult for me to apply myself at something and let alone be successful at it too. but in a way i am very proud of myself for following through. there are aspects that i lack, i know this, i have figured them out for the most part, i think there are more and that there are hidden aspects i soon to discover about myself  in the future. but this feeling i have right now feels good, in a way a parallel feeling to which i had a times back. i remembered the feeling, feels like a second high without actually being on any kind of substance. in conclusion i think my brain is open up for new material to learn.

to a new milestone O_o

being in the middle is kind of getting old, i am always in the middle of EVERYTHING!!! i am the one everyone calls or text to get something done, kind of like the middle-man, i do not have the answer to everything, the best advice i can give is talk to the source, instead of trying to go through me to get an answer try to get it yourself. i have left myself fall in this helpful mood, but i need some time to myself too, i haven’t done anything exciting for myself in a while, almost a month in a half, not because i can’t but because i am trying to focus on my studies and am getting it done, little by little, but i am trying, i got 100% on one of my quizes today and was very excited i had to go public with it, i am not dumb and stupid like some people choose to believe i am, if i apply myself and break my head to do so, i am positive i can succeed, not to many people can say that in all of my family. i have to do what i must to get this, i want this, well, i need this really. i have come to a point where it is “ME” time! i am not saying go out and let loose but just be in a bubble for a little bit until i complete these studies. i love learning, but i need to do this the right way. the only way to be exact. i am sorry. very deeply sorry, but i can not do this for to much longer. my out is when i am done! in conclusion i am only one person, i have one brain, two hands, two feet, two legs, etc. i too need some help with things sometimes but i am too caught up in others that i hope if i ever need help, anyone can do the same as i do for y’all. but for now just need a little time to get things right. to correct way!

sorrylove you O_o

today has been a strange day, on my drive back, i did something i hadn’t done in a long time and began to asking questions and out poured a conversation of life, its been said that we shouldn’t look at life in sayings! but in order for me to get ahead and learn is through text. whether it is from a song, speech, book, tv, movie, etc. that is how i speak what i can’t say out loud, but what i think. it is very difficult for me to speak up, i know i can speak in public and give a lecture or talk with friends, i feel as if i have lost my voice, like my words dont matter anymore, i try to give advice when listening but it is tried to be reversed to attempt to try to change me, i matured into the person i will be when i am older but will have more knowledge as i grow older, for as much as i know, i don’t know what is yet to come, no one does! we can only try to do with what cards are dealt to us. in conclusion i changed a long time ago, can you accept me for who i am or just turn me into a ghost?

to figuring it out O_o

was at a funeral today and of course was late for it because I had to take a math test and after that head there asap. we were there for a bit and even though I was wearing sunglasses I could see my dad and saw the tears in his eyes and couldn’t help but to feel my eyes water because I can’t bare to see my dad or mom hurt. my older brother called and needed my help and booked it to Austin, since what he needed hadn’t arrived and decided to head out and try out the new light rail installed by the house and took a quick gander. we were lost-ish and decided to head back home and walked around downtown to find something to eat. we took a quick trip to walmart and grabbed some snacks and arrived back home to relax.

to trying to relax O_o

to sleep or not to sleep? that is the question, i now understand a bit more of my math work and all i had to do was ask questions after class, i have always felt embarrassed to ask, for one it was something so simple that i could probably have easily spent some time and browse through the book to find it and second because i have always felt that asking questions and getting help means i am incompetent and unable to get understand thoroughly. but today, for the first time in forever, i put my pride aside and stayed after class to ask the professor some questions because i needed help and that help would come in handy for tomorrows test. even with doing homework and notes it is still a bit difficult to understand so many formulas and steps that need to be followed before coming up with the simple answer. while i was running in the park trying to clear my brain of all the work i have been putting into my school work i felt that i needed to turn my attention my pain away from my bran and distract it for the time being before diving right in again. i still need a bit more help, if there is anyone out there that would like to scratch off a good deed of their list, i would really like some help! i saw this today and couldn’t help but write it down. “i am the master of my fate & i am the captain of my soul.” – Nelson Mandela (from the movie Invictus) was a great inspirational quote and was a great movie. i would like to one day say something that would be inspirational and would be used by others after i am gone. in conclusion i think i want to stay up and study like i have never studied before to get an “A” on my test tomorrow, should i or should i get rest and try my best?!

knowledge is power O_o

while in class today the professor threw us a new set of formulas that would be on the test, have to get these down this time and remember them for the 2nd test this thursday. while learning today i wasn’t the only one, while i was taking a break from working on homework, i deciding to go running with tumbler, while we had already ran 3 miles i decided to walk the the water bridge at the park, a family were on the side inside the bridge and were swimming, i let tumbler off the leash and he began running around like a crazy and excited person and decided to join the family and jump in the water. while in there, i attempted to show him how to swim, before this he has played around the water but never actually have been in the water swimming. it was a great way to cool for both of us after being all hot and sweaty, it felt really nice to cool off and relax for a bit. tried to get him to jump in to teach him, i threw a rock to get his attention and he went in after it. he enjoyed it so much that i was grateful for him to jump in, that he came at me like he wanted to jump out of the water and onto the land but he didn’t and turned around and kept going and going. i felt like a father would feel as if his own child were to speak or walk for the fist time, that it brought a tear of joy to my eyes. it was a feeling i haven’t felt in a long time but it felt good, on our way back home i had nothing to dry myself the i had to remove my shirt and roll with the windows down to attempt to dry off. it felt good and refreshing, but was a bit insecure on the drive home because i have not taken my shirt off for anyone to see, i know somethings and something are unpleasant and wanted to rush to get home and shower so i wouldn’t get sick from being in the wet clothes, am tired like yesterday and will be going to bed soon, even early too. in conclusion that was my adventure for the day, how has you day been?

to learning O_o

was busy running errands and working on homework that I began listening to a music and became inspired, one of the lines made the most sense to me was “i got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me, i bring them to the light for you, it’s only right. this is the soundtrack to my life.” in this inspirational song i decided to take a break and go running in the park to make some room in my brain to continue and make sense of things, lots of things. now i am getting back to school, have been thinking and am possibly thinking of taking a Summer 2 spanish or history class that i still need to graduate instead of taking a 4 hour test and testing out of it where i still need a tad bit more help in. but i have a few more weeks to come up with a decision to test or class it, but will keep everyone posted on my judgement call. here i go again. on a side note also kept thinking that i don’t want to work while going to school because it will distract me from my studies. i have asked one person and he says too work. even though it is just an opinion, i would like anyone’s feed back if i should follow through with this or not, please, any advice will help? thanks. miss my friends.

to making a judgement call for my future O_o

have been star gazing just a little while ago and days past, was out side with my family and dog, while we got home from dinner today mark a special day. a day worth of memory lane if you will, had to run out earlier and go get my dad his gift, i hadn’t forgot i had just been really busy, i sort of didn’t know what to get him since he is a hard person to get a gift for, if i were to ask i know his response would be to get him nothing because he has everything, may not be much but to him he has everything. was woken up really early today, like 7am early because of something my subconscious mind remembered to do. would have been nice to do. tonight i saw a shooting star and couldn’t help to remember this’ “can we pretend that air planes are shooting stars, because i could really use a wish right now.” well i made my wish, after seing the shooting star and hope it comes true. i didn’t ask for me to take over the world but just for a life long friendship, that is they would like it, i am always here and am never going anywhere, if in case you ever need to talk, to hang out, never hesitate, i am here and always will be here, i never asked for anything in return and in doing so not sure if i did wrong, but im here and going nowhere fast. this was once was told too me. it hurts me to see you down, keep your chin up and am positive we can pull through, no matter what.

wishing upon a star O_o

was working on Shelby today, well for most of the day, didn’t think putting on 4 shoes would take so long, but it did, by the end of it was covered in dust from head to toe. in a way i looked like a a spotted tiger, hahahahaha in that whole time working and fixing the brakes got bumps, cut and maybe even bruises, but for sure will have scars for it. i see them now after scrubbing off the dirt and grime and laugh, how i took something so simple and made it so complex. but what was even stranger was that throughout the time working I had forgotten to eat, it never phased me, my stomach never made a sound or a movement, i was so focused on completing the task in front of me that it reminded me of school, if i can put that much dedication and time into my studies i am sure to make it out on top, but i didn’t do it all myself, since i had no car to move around in i had to ask my dad for help. hated to since he was tired from getting home from work but he saw me struggling and dirty that he was thoughtful enough to ask if i needed help, father’s day was around the corner an didn’t want him to strain or make him even more tired and just asked him if he could make a quick run to the auto-parts store to get me a spring that i needed. finally finished, scrubbed out of my clothes and washed up and finally headed to get some food, was starving. that was my adventure for today, what was yours like?

to healing scars O_o