Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: May 2010

reading this book is making me think. I know it’s a big series of books about a certain kind of story but what it makes me wonder is the three characters here are all sort of like me. I act like two of them as one but feel what the other has gone through, the bigger wonder is if I would ever be able to recover, I have always been hurt, is it just bad timing? am I even caple of giving it?? should I know what it is??? what do i need to change???? or not change????? I know right this second that I am not ready for anything new but friendships, walls that have never been up feel like they are going up around the center, I don’t know what the future holds for me now but all I can do for now is try, Try TRY! I have a new determination that I had several times ago, that was helped into seeing, to achieve my goals in life. I want a career, a degree and to get accepted. that is what I want for the time being. I do miss a lot of things, like they say “take it day by day, one step at a time.” I don’t really know how to cope on this one, nothing was done wrong to me. I do need a little help with this one. in conclusion, I know what I want, but will need all the help, push, motivation and determination to help me get there. please.

to a living soul O_o

woke up in excruciating stomach pains a few hours ago, as if someone had drilled a hole in my stomach and knotted all my insides up. got up and got some water and went back to sleep it off, I just woke up and it was about 2 o’clock and slowly the pain is still lingering, not sure what is wrong with me? has anyone had that feeling before? does anyone know what it is?? should I get a consult???

trying to be productive O_o

today felt what I thought not so good day, had totally forgot to eat and skipped out on breakfast and lunch and got busy cleaning from installing 2 couches that were purchased yesterday. then got in the spirit of cleaning and cleaned my dog and washed and waxed my car and was told that I would be joining my family for a 50th Anniversary of their aunt and uncle being married, finished what I had too and got ready, was done getting ready and were on our way. they lived out super far and knew I should publicly post something to let people know where I would be at in case they needed to get a hold of me. arrived and had to get through the awkward part of the gathering, the meeting of all my unconnected cousins. well got through that! then came the food, since i gave up red meat I was the first one to get served since all I was able to have was sides. they rocked! got to chatting it up and began talking about school, life, money, etc in a very intelectual manner with my cousin who is also 23 and tried to inspire my 18 year old cousin who helps his dad out at a tire shop (family owned and operated) to go to school because if he graduates and can’t find a job there will always be one waiting for him there, the night went on. nearly had what I thought could have been a heart attack but counted and slowed down my heart rate and on the drive home again it happened but not as drastic and after that gave me a headache, arrived home hunting for my Tylenol bottle and popped in two, made me feel happy, tingly and nervous. the day turned out okay and even better just right now. =O> and was reminded about my reading resolution and after writing this am continuing to finish the book. in conclusion, the things that are missed are never forgotten.

catching up & caring O_o

how I have missed you so, I am way glad that I can have this from you,

bask in your glow, its been a little while but how these days have gone by

super slow and wish to accompany you to make time well spent, i have missed you.

i heartz you O_o

while on my busy adventure this morning, I received a text from a friend saying that they needed to tell me something and called me and dropped the BOMB on me!!!!!! we went way back, we met when I moved to Austin about 2 years ago and we became really good friends, helped me out through some things and helped them out too. she told me they were moving to Las Vegas with family because the dad got a good job opportunity up there and wanted to say farewell before they would be gone for a really long time and would not be able to return. the family is taking off and driving tomorrow morning to reach Vegas by Monday (Memorial Day). I quickly grabbed some clothes and threw it in a travel bag and mentioned to my folks and older brother that I was heading up here (Austin) to visit them, a bunch of friends that are going are closest of closest of friends, I was considered a good good friend because I couldn’t always be there. I know how difficult it can be to get through a few things like a loss in the family who was very dear and close. I considered her like a sister I never had and could talk too and trust them with pointers they gave me to help out with situations in life. it will be sad to see you go, but I am here now to say my goodbyes and farewells, I drove all this to see you go. the friendship will never be forgotten, just wished I would have known sooner to prep for the BOOM in the face when you told me. sad day. I wish you the best  and since you are moving don’t stop taking care of yourself like you always have.

your good good friend O_o

am I in trouble? was I ever there? when should I be? did it? was it? there is? every song heard is kind of scaring me right now, they are all answering of these questions in my head that I am afraid to say out loud or even write, the funny thing is I am normally a happy-pusher next when my music is set to shuffle and I have yet to touch the skip to next song. I can finally hear all the lyrics and they make sense.

“can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? because I could really use a wish right now!” – BoB

“the smell of you in every dream I dream, I knew if we collided, your the one I decided whose one of my kind” – Train

“if I could rewind both hands of time, I would never find a lovelier design, nothing is lovelier then you” – BoB

“heartbeats, heartbeats, beating hearts with _ _ _ _ , heartbeats, heartbeats” – Grum

those are just to name a few of many songs played right now on my iPhone jammin’. I hope this is a good thing. I am not one to do many things but when I do, they are meant to learn from. I just felt I had to get this out but couldn’t speak it out, but I can sure write it out. enjoy.

music for thoughts O_o

made the decision yesterday that I really needed to get my eyes checked out and start worrying about my well being. I made a few calls this morning and started doing some research on other things I need to do, will be going under on June 15 for some test, I know I will need some work done, have dreaded this and have left it alone for quite a few years, It Is Time! first thing is first, getting my eyes checked, have been running around all of town with my little brother driving me around checking who has the best price for a contact exam, because it turns out it is cheaper and more reliable for me to get contacts and later on get a pair of glasses.

arrived at my first destination where I went sporadically went the other day just to get some info and start my research for finding the best place but was an epic failure, I did not pay close attention to the time of operations and was closed for the day. went to the store, and spent a little time there and went to another and another and another place etc, was getting frustrated and decided to use a life line and phone my parents, was given further instructions to go to a place that was near by our home, when we arrived I sort of, kind of rushed in because was told they stop taking walk-ins at 4:30 (because they closed at 5) and it was already 4:15.

filled out the paper work and continued to get checked out (vision, measurements, etc.) and sat back down in anticipation, the doctor called and got up and what felt like the longest walk of my life actually did. I was scared to know what had changed in about 6 years from my last visit of Junior year of High School. turns out there was a slight change, nothing dramatic or drastic but just enough for new prescription. which I think was okay because I needed it. while there the optometrist asked me if I would like to have my eyes dilated for further examination of my eyes, said sure, might as well and carried on with the procedure.

from that moment on, he mention to me that I wold lose vision for the next 3 hours or so, accepted the repercussions and let him continue. everything turned out to be undamaged and perfectly healthy. which was a HUGE surprise to me. “were done!” said the doctor, the technician will give you your trial pair and return for a check up and update and we will give you your 2 boxes of contacts. told him thank you and went on my way up to the front, with some help. forgot my sunglasses in the truck and had to borrow my brothers until we got to the truck (very helpful and kind but oddly strange)…

I went home and could not see, even if my life depended on it, I saw everything fuzzy and unclear with the bright sun blaring down on my eyes, felt very venerable. got home and stayed in the dark trying to recover, doing that helped a bit but got a headache and felt a little like light torture. some time passed and vision came back but pupils were still HUGE, had to continue to wear my sunglasses everywhere and it was funny. joined my aunt to the store without my sunglasses and didn’t know that my eyes were still black as night (hahahahaha) after this long of recovering.

when I arrived home my eyes are slowly being unblack and turning back to their original light brown color. I am here now writing this wearing my sunglasses because the headache is back and need to let my eyes rest from light. in conclusion, going to a professional is not always a bad and scary thing, I know we all expect to hear the worst but at most times it is a good to hear good news (medically speaking). that was my adventure for the day, how was your day?!

good things happening O_o

• Read everything.

• Start all assignments early.

• Check everything you write twice, spell check it then read it again to make sure it makes sense.

• Check everything you post twice.

• If your writing is not that strong, finish a rough draft early.  After a few hours or a day review it.  You will be surprised what ‘pops’ out at you.

• Set a regular time each day to do your homework and read everything that’s been posted in your class(es).

• Read everything.  I mean everything.  All Announcements.  Check out the Calendar so you will now when something is due.  EVERYTHING~

• Always assume that everything will take longer than you think it will.

• Ask every question you think of, even if you think it’s ‘silly.  Asking never hurts.  Most students have the same questions.  I’ve seen it all and don’t think there are any bad questions.

• Throughout a school experience you will have some instructors whom you like and those whom you don’t.  You’ll have ones that are great, good, fair and awful.  Ultimately, though, it’s not up to your teachers whether you do well or not.  It’s up to you!

• The more responsibility you take for your own learning, the more successful you will be.  Figure out how to get the most you can from the great teachers and learn in spite of the not-so-great ones.

• That does NOT mean you don’t ask questions.  It means you ask questions early and often.

• It may seem to you that we, as instructors, can’t really tell when you’re doing your work and when you’re not, but most of us are experienced and we know.  If you feel like you’re doing a lot of work and it’s not showing up in your grades then you’re really not doing enough.

• Unfortunately, how much work each person has to do to get good grades is not equal.  Some people have to work a huge amount and some people hardly have to do anything.  Life is really not fair. Everyone has different talents and skills.  You’ll need to do whatever is necessary for YOU to do well.  Don’t compare yourself to others.

• School is a ton of hard work, not quite as hard as raising children, but much harder than a job.  Treat it with respect and put much more work into it than you want to.

• There really are NO excuses.  I’ve had students who’ve completed their work, or made prior arrangements through deployment to Iraq, giving birth, children sick in the hospital, deaths, etc.  Take responsibility for what’s going on in your life and contact your instructor and/or your Academic Advisor immediately if you have a problem.

• Really, I mean Read everything, everything.

is falling back to sleep twice after waking up considered sleep deprivation? I recently wasn’t able to sleep because was scared to dream. I was lost for a bit and at the botom of a mountain but am now finding a path up the mountain. thinkers say “everything happens for a reason” as true as it may be, every song playing on shuffle right now keeps talking about the same thing, Why? & When?& Change? and other things that irrelevant to this, but the two times today and yesterday I had two instances; 4 in total, where I awoke and fell back asleep due to a crazy and unsatisfying portion of my dream that made no sense what so ever. I did some research on a happy portion of the dream but refused to look at the bad side of it, did that mean that my optimistic look of thing weighed in factor, that I only choose to see the good. is this even a healthy way to look at things? I can see the beauty in a lot of things, but not this time so I awake from my slumber and wonder, what does it mean? is it good or bad? in that process fall back asleep and awake with someone or something finally waking me up because it is late in the day. I know physically everything feels okay with me but medically I am not so sure, people say I should get a little help and/or talk to someone, but every time I make the attempt too, I get judged, shot down, ridiculed, laughed at, say I am many things I am not. what is up with that? I have learned that WE ALL need someone in our life to help us grow, learn, live, laugh or love but too what extreme? with ending I know we can not see what is ahead in the future but seems as if “it always rains hardest on those who deserve the most sun.” – Jill Conner

waking up O_o

today like other way past days has been one of the busiest, I wrote down on my tv screen with a dry erase marker so I wouldn’t forget anything, it looked like a bloody or graffiti wall with writings all over. first started by waking up and showering and getting ready and headed off to Target for some headphones that were on sale for $8.00, but were out and bought Paul Frank ones because I liked the color. then headed to FedEx to print a shipping label to be able to send out a broken memory card and went to the wrong place and was directed to UPS up the road which wasn’t a huge hassle. was around the area and decided to attempt to find out what was wrong with my bank card, they said my address did not match their systems, changed that and headed to Custom Sounds to see what I needed to get a new stereo unit installed when my mom called to head back to the mall and make a payment for her. I did! returned home and had to take towels to laundromat to dry, when I completed that headed to a gas station to fill up a 5 gallon jug of water because the tap water that comes out the pipes has fluoride and tastes funny. dropped that off at home and noticed I did not have everything to make my famous mac’n’cheese for dinner, got what I needed and headed back home to pay my Summer School, took all 10 minutes and started prepping dinner, took me about an hour to prep dinner and finally threw it in the oven to wait another 20 – 30 minutes for it to bake completely. munched down on it and messing around publicly challenged world famous chef, Bobby Flay, for a mac’n’cheese challenge. it was a joke but at the same time it was not. I had a little time to spare and checked email, phone update, software update for computer and everything checked out okay. turned on the tv and began watching Glee (good episode this one was), after that finished saw a little bit of the news while looking for new wallpapers for my phone and am now writing and soon to be watching the rest of Season 5 of Grey’s Anatomy before going to bed and seeing what tomorrow has to bring. it seems the quote I posted this morning was used through the day and made a good title for this blurb or blog entry. here it is again; “you can do what you think is impossible!” which I find to be very true, all you have to do is have a goal and go for it, like someone once showed me, taught me and wrote me to “aim for the moon; that way if I miss I would end up with the stars.” this is something I take to heart, I know everyone would like to leave a legacy behind even though it will be a hard thing to do but; MY LEGACY STARTS TODAY!

achieving my legacy O_o

Good Morning folks this was the earliest I have ever written a post, I felt the need I had to because I just looked into it and did some research and looked up the meaning to the aspects of the dream and it turns out it was a good thing. the song that was being sung was a good one that I recently downloaded by my favorite country music group; Rascal Flatts. I think what it was that I slept with my headphones on with music playing and that song came on while I was in my REM state of my slumber. It was my older brother, my little big sister and me singing this song (http://blip.fm/~qzhal) while we were walking towards room where our family was eating pizza. I think the song came through the headphones, into my ears and then into my conscious sleepy mind. “To sing in your dream, represents happiness, harmony and joy in some situation or relationship. You are uplifting others with your positive attitude and cheerful disposition. Singing is a way to celebrate, communicate and express your feelings. To hear someone sing in your dream, signifies emotional and spiritual fulfillment. You are changing your mood and experiencing a more positive outlook in life.” – dream dictionary. with ending it is a good song, I like it a lot, “you can do what you think is impossible” was the best line that I remembered. which is true. as long as you put work into it, you can do anything you put your mind too, no matter how difficult. unstoppable O_o

I said what I needed to say. it feels like a huge pressure is off my back now. I am feeling better knowing what I know now. I couldn’t fight the feeling, I just knew I had too. everyone will disagree with what I am about to do, I am standing up and listening to me now. I laid the monkey down to rest off my shoulders. it feels right. I am me, I will not be the person everyone wants me to be because y’all feel that is what is best for me. I know what is best for me. live with it folks! it is my turn to shine. =O)

knowing O_o